You have had the same best friend since elementary school. You have seen each other literally go through everything. You have discussed what your wedding gown would be like back when you were 6. You have lost count of the number of sleepovers you've had. But lately, it seems like the two of you are drifting apart. I've been there too and just so there's no confusion, let me give you 25 signs you are losing your best friend, so that you know for sure.
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She Moved Away and Didn’t Leave You a Number to Call
Your best friend has all of a sudden moved away and she didn’t even leave a number, address or e-mail that you could reach her at. Is this a hint or what? Perhaps your best friend believes that she wants to go somewhere else and start a new life like Blake Lively aka Serena Van der Woodson in the Gossip girl. It’s probably nothing you did, just remember that.
She Doesn’t Want to Add You on Facebook
Social networking sites, such as Facebook and Twitter are becoming one of our favoriteinternet past timesand obviously you'd expect your best friend to be a part of it. You have sent her numerous invites and reminded her to add you, but she won’t. She keeps making up excuses and you see that she adds everyone else. Perhaps not adding you to those social networks as a friend should be a hint.
She Ignores Your Calls
Your so called best friend has all of a sudden stopped taking your calls or doesn't take them as often as she used to. You leave numerous messages on her answering machine, but still, she does not return your call. What could this mean?
Often, it's a telltale sign that the bond you once shared is weakening. Life can get busy, sure, but consistent avoidance is hard to overlook. Take note if she's active on social media or seen chatting away with others, yet she still doesn't make time for your calls. It's painful to acknowledge, but she might be phasing you out of her life. Consider having an open conversation about your concerns. Sometimes, it's a simple misunderstanding; other times, it could signal a friendship that's fading away.
She No Longer Smiles
Do you remember the good old days? When your best friend smiled instantly when you came into the room? When you created that silly handshake? When you giggled like little girls? When you made all those big plans tolose weight togetherbefore prom? Now, she doesn’t even smile, let alone do the friendship handshake the two of you invented in school.
She is Always Busy
Gone are the days when you two wore your best dresses andhigh heeled shoes and painted the town red. Now, when you try to schedule a girls night out with her, it seems that she is always busy and coming up with excuses not to hang out with you. C'mon! noone can be so busy that you can't spare one night in a month to spend with your so called best friend. She’s probably just not interested anymore.
It's heartbreaking, isn't it? Between endless work deadlines, family responsibilities, and a calendar that's more packed than a holiday sale, she seems to have squeezed you out. But let's be real: everyone gets busy, yet they make time for the people they truly care about. If she's giving you the cold shoulder and side-stepping plans consistently, it might be time to face the music. Her myriad of excuses mask a simple, sad truth - your friendship isn't the priority it once was. Make no mistake, sometimes life's hustle is a convenient cover for drifting away.
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She Has a New Group of Friends
I guess she’s the type that believes in with the new and out with the old, because if she has a new group of friends and has a new “best friend,” then chances are she no longer wants to be with you.
She Doesn’t Respond to You on Messenger
In the old days, she would spend hours talking to you on messenger and more importantly respond right away. Now, when you see her online, you message her and she does not write you back or even if she does, it seems like all she's doing is typing one word answers.
The long, hearty conversations you once shared have dwindled into utter silence or lackluster exchanges. Her disinterest pierces through each message, leaving you with a hollow feeling. Remember the times when she'd flood your chat with emojis and exclamation marks? Those days seem like distant memories. Now, you often find your chats marked 'Seen' with no reply, making you question whether the connection you cherished has now frayed to a mere obligation on her end. You're left clutching onto the blue ticks, hoping she'll return to the conversation with the same warmth as before.
When You Talk, It’s Awkward
When you talk to her on the phone, you do not feel like you are talking to someone you know. You feel that you are talking to someone that does not want to be spoken to. Infact, it's almost as bad as anawkward first date. And even if you try, you can't seem to get her to converse.
Even when you gather the courage to strike up a light and easy topic, hoping to rekindle the warmth you once shared, the responses are brief and forced. Your attempts at humor or sharing an inside joke fall flat, and silence becomes the most painful part of the conversation. The emotional gap feels like a chasm, and each chat feels more like a formality than the exciting exchanges of secrets and laughter that once defined your friendship.
She Avoids You
When she sees you in public, she goes out of her way to avoid you. This is not okay, unless the two of you have been fighting lately. Maybe it's something you did unconsciously. Have the two of you been fighting over the same guy? Have you said something mean? Have you not had the time to spend with her? If none of these reasons make sense, she's probably hinting that she doesn't want to talk to you anymore.
You Make Eye Contact, but She Says Nothing to You in Public
In public, you make eye contact with each other, but she acts as if she does not even know you. She does not even say hi to you. Yes, this is a harsh one, but it is definitely the number one sign to watch out for.
You're Never the First to Know
Do your acquaintances know what's going on in your best friend's life before you do? If she's no longer running to you to tell her all about her life, then your relationship isn't as strong as it used to be. You're supposed to be the first person she talks to when something exciting happens to her.
When you start hearing news about her from someone else, it's a clear sign that the intimate bond you once shared is unraveling. It's hurtful to find out about her engagement, job promotion, or even challenges through the grapevine rather than from her directly. This lack of communication suggests that she no longer values your support or input as she once did. Reflect on why she might be pulling away and consider if there’s a way to mend the closeness you once treasured.
She Removed Your Pictures
Did she change her profile picture, which used to show the two of you hugging, to another picture with her new friends? When you go into her room, are the framed pictures you gave her tossed under her bed? If the little mementoes of your friendship are suddenly gone, something's wrong.
You Always Have Miniature Fights
If you can't go one day without fighting, things are looking bleak. When you hang out, you should be having the time of your life, not arguing. Why would you want to spend time with someone who makes you upset?
She Returns Your Personal Items
Did she suddenly decide to return all of the CDs and shirts she's borrowed from you in the past? She might be getting rid of them in order to cut you out of her life. She doesn't want any reminders of your friendship around.
You Never Get an Invitation
If you usually spend birthdays and holidays together, but you don't get an invitation to see her this year, then things have changed. If you stop exchanging gifts with her, but she's still buying presents for her other friends, then your friendship is reaching its end.
She Stopped Enjoying Your inside Jokes
When you try to tell one of your inside jokes, does she still laugh or does she give you a fake smile? If she's no longer amused by the things you used to joke about, then she might be ready to move on.
You're Taking Different Paths
If she's a partier and you're set on staying sober, your paths might naturally diverge. Even though she loves you, she just wants different things from life. If you both want to lead happy lives, then you're going to have to go your separate ways--at least for now.
You Catch Her Lying
Has she ever told you that she's too busy to see you or is home sick, but it was just a big old lie? If she's fibbing to you in order to avoid seeing you, she's not as eager to be your friend as she used to be. Real friends will hang out as often as they can.
When these little falsehoods start to stack up, it's a clear indicator of distance creeping into your friendship. Trust is the backbone of any true bond, and if that's being chipped away with lies, the integrity of your connection is compromised. Beware of patterns where she gives excuses that don't add up or you find out she's been spending time with other friends instead. Often, these lies are a tactic to avoid confrontation about the underlying issues causing drift in your relationship. Communication is essential, but if she's choosing deception over dialogue, the red flags are waving.
She Shows No Effort
Even if she does make time to hang out with you, who's the one doing the planning? If you're always the one who has to contact her and rearrange your schedule to see her, you care more about the friendship than she does. She should be the one to contact you once in a while.
A true friendship is a two-way street, with both parties investing in the relationship. If you notice that you’re consistently the one checking in and showing concern for her life, but she rarely, if ever, asks how you're doing, it's a red flag. Friendship should involve mutual interest and initiative. When that fades, and you find yourself single-handedly tending the bond, it may be a sign that she's not as invested in the friendship as you are. Balance is key, and without it, even the strongest of friendships can begin to unravel.
You Never Carpool
When you're both invited to the same party, it makes sense to show up together. However, if you've stopped carpooling to places, it's a bad sign. If you show up separately, she might not even bother to talk to you for the entire night.
The Silence is Awkward
Best friends can be pretty boring. When you're with them, you should be able to sit around on your computer doing nothing and still have fun. But when you drift apart from your BFF, you'll only hang out when you have something exciting to do, because those silence will become more awkward than comfortable.
Her Parents Act Strangely
If you run into her parents at the store, do they treat you as warmly as usual or are they acting funny? If your BFF wants nothing to do with you, her parents will probably know. If they treat you strangely, then you know that something is wrong.
She's so Judgmental
A best friend will look out for you, but they won't judge you too harshly. You shouldn't be afraid to talk to your friend, because you're worried she'll criticize you or gossip about you to all of her other friends. If you can't trust her anymore, then what's the point of having her around?
You're Always Excluded
Does your friend sit with a huge group at the lunch table, but won't make room for you? If she's willing to talk to everyone, except you, then she's either rude or wants to end the friendship. Either way, you deserve better.
She Brings out the Worst in You
If your friend brings out the worst in you, you shouldn't hang out with her anymore. You deserve to have friends who truly appreciate you and will make you happy. Don't settle for less, even if you have history with someone. It's time to move on.
I know that it can hurt to see your best friend who you knew for so long trying to avoid you. I guess it goes without saying that there is always room for change and you should try to move on with your life, because it is obvious that she has moved on with her life too. You still have the memories, pictures and scrapbooks of the two of you. And you know what, it happens! People change and people drift. Ah, friendship, it was good while it lasted… what is your saddest moment of losing a best friend? How did you get over it?
This article was written in collaboration with editor Holly Riordan.
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