All Women's Talk

12 Tips on How to Get along with His Mother ...

By Melanie

How to get along with his mother is something that many girls try to figure out. Obviously to most of us meeting his mother means this is a serious relationship and if you end up marrying him, she is going to be your monster… I mean, mother in-law. Which is why it becomes that much more important to get along with her. When it comes to developing and maintaining a good relationship, it is going to take effort on both sides. Below, I am going to give you some ideas. They do not have to go in this particular order. The main ideas would be to show respect and have a positive attitude...

Table of contents:

  1. be sensitive to his mother’s feelings
  2. have that positive attitude
  3. the expectations
  4. communicate your feelings
  5. take advice from his mother
  6. when she is in your home…
  7. what about raising children?
  8. include her during the holidays
  9. treat her equally
  10. keep her informed
  11. send thank-you notes
  12. respect her

12 Be Sensitive to His Mother’s Feelings

Remember, she is his mother, she is the one that spent eighteen plus years raising him, so you should be sensitive to this other woman in his life. Many mothers do not think of the daughter-in-law as competition. However, if the mother’s life revolved around her son or if he was the only child, then the competition element might kick in. Make it easier for yourself by following some simple tips. When I have to meet the boyfriend's parents, I make sure to dress a little conservatively. The way you dress to meet his folks, can make or break your impression.

Photo Credit: claudiaveja

11 Have That Positive Attitude

As I stated earlier, it is important that you get a positive attitude and keep it. She may just be trying to do her best and is new at playing this role. You should give her some credit. Being a mother-in-law (even a potential one) is not exactly easy. So cut her some slack and give her a chance. She may nag you for your habit every once a while but stay confident through it and smile. That's your best weapon afterall :)

Photo Credit: NorwayNatasha

10 The Expectations

You should not expect to be immediately welcomed into her arms. If you're lucky enough to get a welcome with arms open wide, yaaay! For the rest of us, it may take some time to be accepted. You should get to know his family. And let them get to know you. This is going to take some patience and time. Can you blame her for wanting the best for her son? I think not.

Photo Credit: Łukasz Strachanowski

9 Communicate Your Feelings

You need to be able to communicate your feelings. You should not let those hurt feelings build up inside of you. If there are any snubs coming from your his mother, always discuss them. Feel free to tell him how they make you feel. It is his duty to give a supporting hand as long as you are justified.

Photo Credit: DigiDi

8 Take Advice from His Mother

Does his mother try to give you some advice? She has years of experience under her belt. You should not take those suggestions with a rude "Yeah right". Instead, welcome them. Have an open mind and open heart and try to understand what she is telling you. Remember, she is only trying to help you. Noones saying you need to follow them but there's no harm in listening to what she has to say. And you never know, maybe following her advice will actually bring more happiness into your life.

Photo Credit: margaridaperola

7 When She is in Your Home…

When she visits your home, you need to treat her as a guest. Find amazing recipes and cook for her. Sit down and chat. Show her around town. If she would like to help prepare meals for dinner, then allow her to do so. The two of you really can bond this way. If she would like to just sit there and be waited on hand and foot, then ask your husband/boyfriend to help you clean up and prepare meals.

Photo Credit: On Bradstreet {Amy}

6 What about Raising Children?

If you have children and his mom would like to help you, let her help. If she wants, then allow her to spoil them, just a little. Let her shop for them. Read them bedtime stories. Whatever she wants! That is what grandmothers are for! When it comes to raising your children, you may want to welcome any advice that she may have. Again, no harm in listening to her opinion and if you disagree, let her know politely.

Photo Credit: -julianol-

5 Include Her during the Holidays

Yes, the holidays of 2009 just passed, but during the next holidays of 2010 and beyond, you should allow her to be a part of them. Maybe you could help her with her holiday shoppping. If you invite your folks over for Thanksgiving and Christmas, then invite her over as well. This way, all of you can celebrate the holidays stressfreeand together as a big, happy family or to be family anyway.

Photo Credit: azli jamil - back in Nepal again :-)

4 Treat Her Equally

Do you know how you treat your own mother? Treat his mother equally. Obviously, the feelings you have for your own mom are far different but try to imagine her in the same way. If you give your mom a gift for her birthday, then give his mom a gift for her birthday. If you have children, then visit both your mother and his mother with the same frequency.

Photo Credit: harold.lloyd (won't somebody think of the bokeh?)

3 Keep Her Informed

This is more a suggestion for married women. If you have important events coming up like perhaps a party, keep her informed. Call and tell her about those events. You know, keep her in the loop and make her feel involved. If you have children, send pictures of the new baby to the mother-in-law. Grandmothers enjoy getting pictures of their grandchildren.

Photo Credit: HappilyKnit

2 Send Thank-you Notes

When you or your children receive special gifts from her, be sure to send thank you notes. She may be the traditional type that expects to receive a thank you note, not just a verbal thank you. Sure, you could send you a thank you note in e-mail, but meaningful thank-you cards work the best.

Photo Credit: woolloomooloo

1 Respect Her

Respect is the key in any relationship. If you respect her, she will learn to respect you back. You should think of her as being older and wiser. You always respect your elders, correct? She has been through a lot in her life. And believe it or not, respect starts from the first visit itself right from the way you dress to the way you interact with her. Over time, speak with her about when she was a child, learn what it was like to raise children. You know, ask her to tell you about those life experiences. Nothing like some nostalgia to bond with his mother!

Photo Credit: Diana Sr.

Those are 12 tips on how to get along with his mother. I know, there are some mothers-in-law out there that are truly monsters-in-law! They are extremely hard to get along with. However, don’t be the bad one, you should still show respect. The least you can do is maintain your dignity. If things get too bad, just tell your husband/boyfriend about it. What are your experiences? Was it ever hard for you to get to know his mother?

Top Photo Credit: Sherri DuPree Bemis

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