Feeling a bit anti-man today? Here are twenty funny jokes that are bound to bring a smile to your face :)
Never let your man's mind wonder – it’s too little to be out on its own.
If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
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Definition of a man with manners – he gets out of the bath to pee.
A man with manners is someone who not only respects himself but also those around him. He is courteous, polite, and mindful of his actions. He is a gentleman who understands the importance of proper etiquette and follows it.
When it comes to bathroom etiquette, a man with manners will always get out of the bath to use the restroom. This is a sign of respect for other people in the house, as well as a sign of consideration for the bathroom itself. Not only does it prevent any potential accidents, but it also keeps the bathroom clean and hygienic.
In addition to getting out of the bath to pee, a man with manners will always flush the toilet after use, wash his hands, and not leave any mess behind. He will also close the door when using the restroom, and will not leave any items lying around the bathroom.
Finally, a man with manners will always close the bathroom door when leaving, and will never leave the bathroom in a mess. This is a sign of respect for the other people living in the house, as well as a sign of consideration for the bathroom itself.
What did God say after creating Adam? I must be able to do better than that!
Men have long been the butt of jokes and stereotypes, from their supposed lack of fashion sense to their supposed inability to ask for directions. But one of the most enduring jokes is about God's reaction to creating Adam. The joke goes that after God created Adam, he said "I must be able to do better than that!" This joke has been around for centuries, and it still gets a laugh today.
The joke has been used to poke fun at men's supposed lack of intelligence, creativity, and ability to solve problems. It has also been used to suggest that men are inferior to women in terms of their ability to think and reason. But in reality, men are just as capable as women when it comes to problem-solving and intelligence.
The joke is also a reminder that men and women are created differently, and that these differences should be celebrated. Men and women have different strengths and weaknesses, and it is important to recognize and appreciate these differences.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow!
Real Men.. claim to be feminist but still insist on opening doors, driving, and paying for dinner.
Most Men... claim to be feminists because they let YOU open doors, drive, and pay for dinner.
Men are like ... Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.
Men are like... Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.
Men are often known for their slow maturity and this joke plays on that idea. Government bonds are known for their long-term investments, and this joke suggests that men are similar in that they take a long time to mature.
This joke is often used to poke fun at the idea that men take longer to mature than women. It is a humorous way of pointing out that men can be slow to grow up and take on more responsibility.
Men are also known for their stubbornness, and this joke suggests that men can be slow to change their ways. This is often a source of frustration for the women in their lives, as men are often resistant to change.
The joke is also a reminder that men should not be taken too seriously, and that it is important to have patience when dealing with them. Men can be difficult to understand and it is important to be patient and understanding with them.
This joke is a humorous way of pointing out the differences between men and women and the challenges they face in relationships. It is a reminder that while men and women may have different approaches to life, it is important to be respectful and understanding of each other.
Men are like... Lava lamps.
Fun to look at it but not all that bright.
Men are like... Bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
Men are like... Handguns.
Keep one around long enough and your gonna want to shoot it.
Men are like... ..Parking spots.
The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.
Men have long been the butt of jokes, and this one is no exception. In this particular joke, men are compared to parking spots. The joke implies that the good men are taken, while the rest are too small.
The joke is often used to illustrate the idea that men are hard to come by, and that the best of them are already taken. It can also be used to poke fun at the idea that men are not always as reliable or as good as they seem.
The joke is often used in a light-hearted manner and is not meant to be taken seriously. It is often used to bring a smile to the face of those who hear it.
The joke is especially popular among women, who often use it to make light of the challenges they face when it comes to finding a suitable partner. It is also often used in the context of fashion, as it is a clever way to make a statement about the importance of finding the right fit when it comes to clothing.
COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.:
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.
MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.:
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.
The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said,
"I've found a man just like father!".
Her mother replied,
"So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house
Any argument that a man and woman are involved in, the woman gets the last word. Anything a man says afterwards is the beginning of a new argument.
Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway! :)
So now you should be feeling a little happier, so grab a chick flick and some popcorn and celebrate being the better sex.
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