Feeling a bit anti-man today? Here are twenty funny jokes that are bound to bring a smile to your face :)
Never let your man's mind wonder – it’s too little to be out on its own.
If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
Definition of a man with manners – he gets out of the bath to pee.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow!
Real Men... claim to be feminist but still insist on opening doors, driving, and paying for dinner.
Most Men... claim to be feminists because they let YOU open doors, drive, and pay for dinner.
Men are like ... Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.
Men are like... Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.
Men are like... Lava lamps.
Fun to look at it but not all that bright.
Men are like... Bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
Men are like... Handguns.
Keep one around long enough and your gonna want to shoot it.
Men are like... ..Parking spots.
The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.
COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.:
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.
MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.:
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.
The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said,
"I've found a man just like father!".
Her mother replied,
"So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house
Any argument that a man and woman are involved in, the woman gets the last word. Anything a man says afterwards is the beginning of a new argument.
Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway! :)
So now you should be feeling a little happier, so grab a chick flick and some popcorn and celebrate being the better sex.
Found something hilarious?
Be sure to post it in comments!