All Women's Talk

10 Things I'd Ban if I Were President ...

By Alison

Not being US-born, I’m not likely to ever become President. And I can’t say I’d want the job anyway. Imagine having all that responsibility … However, just supposing I did somehow find myself sitting in the Oval Office, my first act as President would be to pass legislation to ban a number of things …

1 Animal Cruelty

Animal CrueltyPhoto Credit: Fen Branklin

I cannot abide animal cruelty, and there is no excuse for it. So, anyone found mistreating an animal would immediately be given the same treatment that they had given the animal.

2 Child Poverty

Child PovertyPhoto Credit: Mio Cade

In the modern age, it seems incredible that there are millions of children around the world living in appalling conditions and dying of malnutrition and treatable diseases. This simply wouldn’t be allowed to happen under my presidency.

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3 Snow

SnowPhoto Credit: Ronaldo F Cabuhat

Ban it. What use is snow, unless you want to ski? It would only be allowed in heavily regulated mountainous areas for the benefit of those winter sporty types that get some strange amusement out of playing on the stuff.

4 Reality TV

Reality TVPhoto Credit: Thomas Dyllan

Alright you TV moguls. You’ve had your fun and now it’s over. No more saturating the channels with acres of heavily-edited and controlled ‘real lives’. Back to making quality programmes.

5 Mornings

MorningsPhoto Credit: leweeg10

I am not a morning person. Therefore mornings will be banned. Don’t like that? Hey, who’s President here?

6 Faulty Can Pulls

Faulty Can PullsPhoto Credit: Roadsidepictures

Ever had one of those can pulls that breaks off when you try to open it? Not on my watch, you won’t. No more screaming in frustration and digging out the can opener, which rather defeats the object of having a ring pull in the first place.

7 Wars

WarsPhoto Credit: Titolian

All wars will from now on be settled in the following way – with a tug of war. No bombs or guns, just a long rope and two teams. Benefit – no civilians will be harmed in any way.

8 Rainy Weekends

Rainy WeekendsPhoto Credit: Cuba Gallery

How often is it sunny all week and then rains while you’re off work? I will order that rain is only allowed to fall for a maximum of two hours during office hours, and between the hours of 10pm and 6am.

9 Sales Calls

Sales CallsPhoto Credit: markhillary

These people seem unable to stop their nefarious activities, and persist in bothering decent citizens in their homes. Therefore, all citizens will be issued with a device to press upon receiving an unsolicited sales call. This will cause a feedback loop that will immediately scramble the brain of the caller.

10 Weird Neighbours

Weird NeighboursPhoto Credit: Dixie Native

Every building or neighbourhood has one of these people who has nothing better to do than monitor everyone else and complain about whatever they do. Creepy neighbours of this type will be moved to a compound where they can all annoy each other.

This ‘wish-list’ is mostly facetious, but what would you like to do if you were President? Would you ban all the things that annoy you, or concentrate on serious things?

Top Photo Credit: Kris Kros

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