Men are a complicated species. Whenever it feels like I’ve finally started to understand them, they change the rules! There are some things that never change, though, and after a recent sleepover with my friends, I’ve been thinking about exactly what I wish I’d always known about men. Here are my top eight!
1. Jealous? Us?
50 percent of men admit to having read their girlfriends texts, emails or letters, and 25 percent say they never told their girlfriend that they did it. Which kind of contradicts the “I-don’t-get-jealous” attitude most men like to display! A friend of mine decided to see if she could make her boyfriend jealous, and even dancing with other men and accepting drinks from groups of men didn’t seem to work, which made her question if he loves her at all. I know I’ve felt that too, so its good to know that men are just a lot more subtle with their jealousy! (Although I don’t condone reading other peoples texts/emails/letters, as it breaches trust and respect, and most of the time it isn’t worth the fall out afterwards).
2. You Can’t Force Chemistry
Some people will just have that amazing set-the-world-alight chemistry between them, which will always keep them together. My friends are always commenting on my amazing chemistry with my boyfriend, but it took a long time for me to admit that you can’t force it, and you just have to wait and hope you meet the person who will set your world on fire. No matter how much effort you put in, it can’t be artificial. That’s what makes it so special...that its organic, and natural, and uncontrollable.
3. Speak out for Yourself
Speak out for what you want and need. From the big things right down to the little ones...tell him what you want to eat, and tell him that you’ve always wanted a house with a white picket fence and a cat. If you just go along with whatever he says, you are putting yourself second to his needs and wants, and he’ll pick up on this. It makes it hard for him to make you happy, and makes him wonder why you aren’t being honest and upfront...think about what you want, and speak out. It’s taken me a long time to do this!
4. He Needs Other Habits
Let him have other habits. There needs to be a line between him being always busy and always around you...think about it. You’ll hate him if he is at work all the time and has no time for you, but if he’s always following you and getting under your feet, you’ll hate that too. A few hours apart every week for a football match, a beer or a spa day, and you’ll have a much healthier relationship and a much happier boyfriend.
5. Men Have an Odd View on Relationships
But it makes a lot of sense when you think about it! When you think about what you want from your current relationship, what is your first answer? For me, for a long time, and for a lot of my friends, the answer is ‘him’. Women tend to give themselves completely to a relationship, and lose themselves to it. Men, on the other hand, look at relationships in terms of what they stand to gain. Think like him, and see what he ‘adds’ to you, and what you ‘add’ to him. It’s a much less emotional view, but it really works!
6. Men Switch off
Have you ever sat wondering why he isn’t texting back, or why he hasn’t asked you on another date? Men’s heads don’t work like ours, and relationships are categorized away from other things. So whereas women can be completely overcome by relationships and struggle to focus on anything else, men can usually watch a few games with the guys and put it to the back of their minds. So, instead of panicking about why he isn’t talking to you, keep yourself busy. You’ll feel much better for it!
7. Leopards Don’t Change Their Spots
Some men just aren’t what they appear. The amount of times I’ve seen friends date guys who ‘are better now’, only to find that they are still the same...whether they are arrogant, insulting or violent, if he isn’t pleasant to be around, he isn’t worth the time. If he describes his ex girlfriends as “crazy” or “psycho”, it’s likely he’ll one day describe you like that too. Learn from other women’s mistakes, some men are just unsaveable.
8. Men Get Comfortable Fast
Do you remember in the early days, when you’d get random “I love you” texts, and flowers? Well, that always stops, and I can’t be the only woman whose wondered why! It wasn’t until I was talking to my boyfriend and some of his friends that they explained. Men do these things to ‘seal the deal’, and make you feel loved. He doesn’t want to lose you, and pulls out all the stops. When this stops, it often feels like he’s lost interest, but infact it shows that he feels your relationship is secure, and doesn’t need improving. Awwwww!
I think I’d have saved myself a lot of stress and heartache had I known these from the start! With men being so confusing, dating becomes a minefield, and it’s confusing enough as it is. I’m so glad I’ve found my Prince! (Although that doesn’t mean he is any less confusing...) Have you got a fact about men you wish you’d always known? Please share it with me!