So, what happens when you and your friend like the same guy? This can put a huge damper on a friendship if it isn't handled gently. There's no need to ruin a lifelong friendship over a guy, but it has happened in the past to many people. I've written down some tips for ways that might help remedy the “one guy, two friends” situation.
Snapshot Survey
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Please subscribe for your personalized newsletter:
Walk Away
This is probably the hardest way to handle the situation for some people. It just might be the only quick way to remedy it though. Being able to walk away from a weird love triangle might be the best for all those involved. It often takes a more mature person to walk away from a situation such as this. So be the bigger person and stop pursuing him. Is it really worth ruining your friendship over a guy who may or may not like you?
Walking away signifies strength and self-respect. It may sting at the moment, but in the long run, preserving your friendship can be more valuable than any fleeting romantic interest. Remember, friendships often outlast romances, particularly those fraught with complications right from the start. Plus, distancing yourself from the drama will give you the clarity and peace of mind you need to find someone who is better suited for you—someone whose affection isn't shared with your friend. You'll thank yourself later for choosing the path of self-love and integrity.
Be Open about It
Don't keep your feelings bottled up, even if your friend started liking him first. If you keep all those feelings inside, you'll start to resent your friend if she does in fact end up with him. Sit her down and just let her know that you've developed feelings for him!
Watch How Your Friend Reacts
Muster up the guts and tell her. It can get pretty awkward if she finds out from someone else! When telling your friend that you like the same guy she does, be sure to watch her reaction, especially if you have a friend that won't tell you right away about how she really feels. Sometimes things have to sink in for a while before someone can talk about it. Keep an eye on her facial expressions as you are telling her. This should be a good indicator for telling if she's mad, sad, or indifferent.
Look at His past Relationships
It's wise to look at all the relationships that this guy has had before you. If he jumps from girl to girl, then you might want to think again before trying to start a relationship with him. It might even be a good idea for you to warn your friend as well. You wouldn't want her to be hurt either. Take a look at what types of people his last girlfriends were as well. Is hefriends with his exes? This might tell you a bit more about him, who he's interested in, and the kind of boyfriend he'd make.
Make a List of Reasons Why You like Him
Write down why you like him and see if there are a lot of reasons. If there are any cons that come to mind, definitely write those down as well. If the pro list is only a word or two, then it might be a good idea to think about this situation a bit more. For your sake, I hope you've got "He has a crush on me" on the list.
When two friends both develop a crush on the same guy, it can be a difficult situation to navigate. It can lead to feelings of jealousy, guilt, and even betrayal. It is important to remember that your friendship is more important than any potential romance, and that it is possible to get through this situation without damaging your relationship. Here are some tips to help you handle it:
Talk to each other openly and honestly. Make sure you both feel heard and respected.
Respect each other's feelings. Even if you don't agree with how your friend feels, it's important to be understanding and supportive.
Don't make assumptions about how the other person feels. Ask questions and listen to their answers.
Don't compete with each other for the guy's attention. This will only create tension and hurt your friendship.
Make a list of reasons why you like him. Consider both the pros and cons of the situation.
Consider the consequences of your actions. If you pursue a relationship with him, what will it mean for your friendship?
Talk about other guys you both find attractive. Remind each other that there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Determine Compatibility
Are you two even really compatible? If he loves sports and you can't stand them, this is one conflict. If he is an outdoors person and you would rather sit in a quiet library and read about visiting different places, this might be a problem. I know that the saying is that opposites attract, but when everything about you is a complete opposite, it might actually pose more hindrances. Being able to connect with someone over shared likes is how people usually grow closer. Is he more compatible with your friend?
Know if You and This Guy Share the Same Goals
This sort of goes along with the compatibility tip, but focuses more on the future of the possible relationship. Find out what his plans for the future are. If your goal is to move somewhere warm and sunny but he can't deal with the sun, then whose dream will be crushed? Will either of you be able to give up what you want? I know future plans and commitment come up much later, but it can be something to think about when determining if you should go for this guy, let your friend have him, or just leave it all alone.
Sisters before Misters
Remember that when you and your friend like the same guy, she will be there for you a lot longer than he possibly will. Guys will come and go over the years, but friends are usually in our lives forever. Who's been around longer? Who knows you better? Think about your friend first and the times you spent together...the late night movies on each others couches, the prank calls, and now how your possible relationship with this guy might affect her and everything you've had.
Don't Let Jealousy Take over
Knowing how hard it is to deal with a jealous boyfriend/friend, would you want to put your friend and yourself through that? Jealousy can ruin friendships for no reason at all. There's no need for it. You just feel jealous because you can't control how she's feeling. Jealousy only makes people angry and this often causes things to be said that can never be taken back again. If you find that you have jealous feelings towards your friend, then you need to figure out why and how they can be remedied.
Decide if It's Worth Losing a Friend
Is this guy really worth losing your friend over? If it comes down to you and your friend getting into a fight over this guy and it doesn't work out with you and him, what then? You have a hurt friend that has been with you a lot longer than this guy has, but you've lost her trust in your relationship. It is a hard thing to patch up.
Figure out if It's Love or Lust
Lust is often what draws people to each other. They are physically attracted and think it is love, but usually not. Very rarely is there love at first sight. You have to get to know the person before you can decide if it's truly love or if it's just lust. When the romance fades, will you still want to hang out with him? Is it a completely physical attraction or are there other great qualities about him you like? These are a couple of questions you might want to ask yourself.
Talk about It
Talking about how you and your friend like the same guy is a great way to figure out what to do about it. Two heads are better than one, right? If you both remain calm and talk about this situation in an adult manner, you should be able to come up with a way to go about handling this matter. Brainstorming some ideas on what can be done and writing them down might help as well.
Don't Make This a Competition
This isn't about who's prettier, who's funnier, or who's more likable! You should know that the two of you are as fabulous as they come. Why stress yourself out about out-doing the other in hopes that the guy will be the one to make a decision? If it gets to that level, it's not good.
Consider the Consequences
Let's see you DID end up with the guy - what does that mean for your friendship? Even if your friend swears it doesn't "bother" her, it probably really does. She wouldn't even feel comfortable being around the two of you!
Before letting your emotions lead the way, think long and hard about the aftereffects. Entering into a relationship under these circumstances could send ripples through your entire social circle, not just between you and your friend. Tensions could rise, whispers could start, and before you know it, you've unintentionally created a drama that's more suited to a soap opera than real life. Remember, relationships might come and go, but the scars in friendships can linger far longer. Consider if he's truly worth the potential fallout.
Both of You Back off
If you know for certain that you do NOT want to lose your friendship over this, why don't the two of you just let the guy go? No arguments, no choosing, no nothing. Make your friendship your number one priority and keep it intact. There are plenty of fish in the sea and you'll each find one that's suitable for you!
With all of these tips, surely you will be able to come up with some ideas about how to handle this situation of when you and your friend like the same guy. It can be a simple process or a long drawn out one. It's completely up to you. How would you handle this situation? What ideas can you add?
Feedback Junction
Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge