I was married for six years when I found out my husband was having an affair. I was devastated, but when I looked back, I knew I ought to have seen the signs. How can you tell if your guy is cheating? Here are some ways…
1. He starts taking better care of himself.
If he starts working out, or wearing nicer clothes, he may not be doing it just for you. He might be doing it to impress someone else.
2. His taste in music changes.
If his iPod used to be full of Death cab for Cutie, but now he’s listening to Kenny Chesney, he might be seeing someone who is encouraging his new taste in music.
3. He spends a lot less time with you.
If he blows you off on your usual date night once in a while, that’s one thing. But if all of a sudden he doesn’t want to spend any time alone with you, he might be feeling guilty.
4. He has new friends you haven’t met before.
If he is always talking about friends, male or female, that he’s never really mentioned before, they might actually be HER friends.
5. He hides his cell phone texts or calls.
If he’s always sending calls to voicemail when you’re together, or if he takes his phone in the bathroom with him, you may need to wonder.
And I could add another….he keeps his phone on silent mode and always find excuses, like I was sleeping, I was busy or another. I just hate the fact that some guys don’t even know how to lie :)
what a punk
i hate when cheaters waste faithful peoples time. like if you arent mature enough to stick to just me.. dont bother me at all
thanks :]
If your guy cheats on you…..kick him out!!!!
He does not deserve you in the first place, and you can do better than that as well.
This is Rather interesting.
And all of them so true!!
Xannyy,
Absolutely. I remember when my best friend found out about her boyfriend sleeping around. So many of these were true in her case. The problem is it always comes back to you in hindsight and you can’t believe you didn’t see the signs!
Suburbangrandma,
You said it! I could never give a cheater a second chance….
Tavia,
I know right! They don’t know that we can see right through their lies. We just (for goodness knows what reason) choose to ignore them!
My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years. Okay, I don’t think he’s actually cheating, but a lot of wierd things are happening…
a. He drastically changed his look
b. he is texting a girl at his work, that he otherwise wouldn’t have much of a reason to talk to
c. he called her his work wife on several occasions in text messages to her. He also tells her where he’s going to be and when.
d. he has talked to me about what she looks like and how she helps him out in several situations
e. I tested him by saying I am going to get some tattoos and become a roller derby girl, (just like her) and he told me that that would be a MAJOR turn on for him.
f. he was texting his “friends” our entire “date night” when we were finally able to get away from the kids for one night, I had my phone put away.
g. he doesn’t care that much anymore when I don’t want to have sex or attend to his horniness (as it sometimes feels)
h. he gets off the phone very quickly when he’s at work and sometimes never calls me back, also he hides when he’s texting or talking on the phone, which has always happened, but not as frequently or for as long.
Tell me what you think, am I on the verge of getting cheated on? How do I catch him, and how do I let him know that I know somethings up?
Sara,
You really don’t think he’s cheating on you already?!! Because all I see are red signals all over the place. I don’t know how men think we can be that stupid!You need to confront him honey and quick! Knowing men, he’s probably going to deny it but atleast it’ll let him know that you have doubts. The hardest thing for most of us is the fear of confirmation but get it out of the way!
and they begin to avoid u and ur questions it is so messed up.
Sara, I agree with Sheila. You are in denial girl!!!! You really need to sit down with your man and have a heart to heart talk NOW!!!! His behavior sounds very unacceptable to me, and should be more so to you.
Sounds like he has his cake and eats it too!!
You might be interested in reading my post about marriage, and try her approach in linked article:
http://suburbangrandma.com/culture/marriage-%E2%80%93-a-bowl-of-cherries-or-a-rose-garden/
Thanks for your comments! I really appreciate the feedback. I agree, I need to find out from the source. I’ve been probing and I gave him some big hints that I was reading his phone, and as of late, I haven’t seen anymore texts to his “work wife”. It’s interesting that when I basically let him know that I was reading his phone, he never asked me if I was. I was being obvious too, since I referred to one of his texts with exact wording.. . It seems like he doesn’t want to bring up the texts and he wants to act like they never happened. I guess he doesn’t want to open his own can of worms. I’m going to keep my eyes on him. His job is ending this week so I will check to see if he is still contacting her after that. I’m a little worried about confronting him right now. I think I just need a little more ammo!
Hey Sara,
It’s great to know that you’re doing something about it! And to hear that your husband is squirming about the whole thing too. Keep a check on his behaviour once his job ends. That will give you more ammo.
I have been in a relationship with this man who allegedly had stellar integrity. We have been together for seven years. I have discovered that he has cheated on me for the past six. He moved in a year ago and told me “the past is the past, we can only look to the future now”. There has been this one year that he has allegedly been true to me and wants to base our future on that. I don’t know if I can. We are in counseling, and it is helping, but he seems so flippant with how I feel about his lies. I don’t see a way around this emotionally. We get along great and have had a lovely life, but I don’t know if that is enough. Any ideas on either how to get through this and stay together or how to shake this feeling of dissalusionment and get on with my life independently. We are in our late thirties and are engaged. I was never in a rush to be married, he was. Glad I did not marry him so far.
Hey Gina,
And you should be really glad that you haven’t married him so far!
I’m sorry but I just don’t see a way to get through this situation. Cheating for him wasn’t a one off incident. You’ve been with him for 7 years and he’s constantly been cheating on you for 6 out of those 7?!!! How do you know for a fact that he isn’t cheating on you right now? I’m totally for moving on with your life. You deserve so much better! Good luck hun. I really hope things work out for you….
Except for the tattoo/roller derby part, and the part about his job about to end, I could have written Sara’s post (it’s been a lot longer than 10 years too). I have confronted him with the texts, phone bills,etc., only after “investigating” for a couple of months and couldn’t turn up anything except the inappropriate texts. I’ve accused him, he’s denied it. I feel like something is going on in the workplace, which has happened many times in the past with other people. What do I do now? It’s driving me crazy.
Hey Southern girl,
If in your heart, you think that the signs are that obvious, then you pretty much know the truth right? It doesn’t matter if he accepts it or denies it. The fact remains that he is cheating on you. You deserve answers but if he wont give you any, kick him out! Easier said than done, I’m sure but you deserve so much better!