Okay, we expect celebrities to be a bit excessive and entertain us by doing strange things. However, they do have an unfortunate tendency to take this to extremes when it comes to naming their children. Unfortunate for the child, that is, but wildly entertaining for us.
I sometimes think that Nicholas Cage wins hands down. Naming your son after Superman? No, he didn’t actually name the sprog Superman, but Kal-el, which is apparently Superman’s name on Krypton. Not much of an improvement really.
Apple. Where is this one coming from? Try as I might, I cannot discern the train of thought that led Gwyneth Paltrow and Thingy from Coldplay to name their daughter after a fruit. Flowers, yes. Fruit ... best not.
Actually, it’s just occurred to me. Blame Bob Geldof and Paula Yates for calling their second daughter Peaches. Fortunately this did not start an epidemic of fruit-monickered children – poor little Apple seems to be the only fellow sufferer.
Shannyn Sossamon came up with the truly bizarre Audio Science for her poor son. Are these people devoid of that part of the brain that makes you think ahead to what the child’s future will be like? Professor Audio Science? President Audio Science? I think not …
David Bowie and his ex-wife Angie might have spent most of the 70s in a haze of intoxication, but is that any excuse for inflicting the name Zowie on their son? No wonder that young Zowie soon dropped it for the much more prosaic Duncan (he didn’t hang on to the name Bowie either).
Maybe it shouldn’t come as any surprise that a grown man who calls himself Bono should name his poor son Elijah Bob Patricius Guggi Q. Hewson. Did he not know when to stop? Was he imitating those people who name their son after an entire football team?
How cruel is it to name your son Satchel? What were Mia Farrow and Woody Allen thinking when they landed this horror on their child? It comes as no surprise that young Satchel later took the opportunity to rename himself the far less excruciating Seamus.
Gwen Stefani, were there not enough normal names for you to choose from, that you had to slap your son with the very strange name - Zuma? And as if that were not enough, you add on Nesta. Then finish it off with Rock. Zuma Nesta Rock.
We all know about Frank Zappa (who probably started this whole game) calling his kids Moon Unit and Dweezil. But did you know about the other Zappa siblings? Still, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan got off lightly compared to his poor sister … Diva Muffin.
George Foreman named his son George junior. Simple enough, you might think. But George Junior had brothers. Four of them. George III, George IV, George V and George VI. And sisters, Freeda George and Georgetta. Fortunately, Foreman’s ego trip ran out and the final three girls escaped being named after their father.
What’s your vote for the silliest celebrity baby name ever?
Top Photo Credit: newreverend
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