19 Ways to Help You Recover when You've Been Cheated on ...

By Sheila

19 Ways to Help You Recover when You've Been Cheated on ...

Getting cheated on isn't easy to deal with, because the person you trusted more than anything decided to play with your heart until he broke it. But no matter how horrible you feel, things will get better in the future. You need to believe that. Even if you don't at the moment, here are some ways to get over a cheating ex:

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1 Know It's Not You

human hair color, girl, mouth, black hair, finger, The inevitable first question to pop up in your mind will be: Why me?! If your ex felt the need to go behind your back to be with someone else, there must be something wrong with you, right? WRONG! As I see it, sure your ego has taken a huge hit and you can come up with a thousand reasons as to why you are to blame. But trust me honey, if my ex cheated on me, chances are he needed no reason to do so.

All that self hate that follows is only the result of a broken heart and you can't really blame yourself. The point is, your relationship may have been going through the worst possible phase but even that's no excuse for your ex to do what he did.

So what do you do? Stop mulling over it. You are not at fault and he was not good enough for you. No one who cheats ever is. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you will get over it.

2 Mourn

hair, human hair color, girl, long hair, human, This is undoubtedly the worst phase of the "recovery" process. And we've all been there. Sometimes it's so bad that you feel like you have hit rock bottom. But I remember what a friend once told me, "Remember the silver lining... everything from now is only going to go uphill."

We all have our own ways of mourning. For me, it is to literally do what my heart desires at that moment. I like being alone and shutting myself off from the rest of the world... sitting in my room and bawling my eyes out while watching sappy romantic classics.

I've even tried burning my ex's pictures which trust me, made me feel a whole lot better. These though temporary solutions, still work. I wish I could think of something more long-term though. Any thoughts?

"Women nowadays are vocal about their desires and what attracts them. One aspect of this is knowing the different things that turn them on, whether they be physical traits or actions. Learn more about these various turn ons and see how it can affect your love life."

3 Accept It

black, photograph, face, person, black and white, Once you're done mourning, accept the breakup. Accept that it is over. I have found that this really is my first big step towards healing.

4 Fun with Friends

girl, fun, finger, What in the world would we do without friends? I mean really! Everytime, I have had a horrible breakup, I call my best friends and even if we do nothing but sit and talk, it makes me feel a whole lot better!

I know that my loved ones are always going to be around to watch my back...specially when I need it the most. So I surround myself with them. You should too. Go out with the girls. Party it up. Have fun! I once got two hamsters to cheer myself up and guess what...it really took my mind off my ex! Take up a new hobby. Take a trip! Anything to get your mind off the ex.

And please avoid places that remind you of your ex. Sometimes, it's unavoidable, especially if like my ex and I, you go to the same school... But try your best! The idea is to distract yourself so that when you eventually think of your ex, it would have been so long that you won't feel all that bad! It's worked for me in the past. How about you?

5 Avoid Temptation

hair, human hair color, blond, beauty, hairstyle, Here you are thinking that the hard part is over when suddenly vulnerability sets in. Know that it is very normal to miss your ex and want him back even though he broke your heart.

You miss the familiarity and the companionship and you begin to wonder... "What if I call to just say Hello"...."One cup of coffee wouldn't hurt" ...That's how it starts but trust me, you do NOT want to go down that road again!

6 Give Your Ex Another Chance

girl, interaction, love, I have seen and heard of many women who are willing to give their exes a second chance. Personally, I wouldn't want to do that ever. Trust once destroyed is hard to win back. And for me, the scars left behind would be too deep to get over. But of course, you have to figure out what works for you.

If you do decide to work things out, I would suggest getting help from a counselor. Of course, it will be a very hard process and one would really have to give it their all. Have any of you been in this situation and has it worked out?

7 Move on

black and white, monochrome photography, beauty, photography, darkness, Time is the best healer! And I firmly believe that when you are ready to move on... you will. I find it best to forgive my ex. And I mean really really forgive him in my heart. Of course that's easier said than done but you will find that forgiving him will not only make you the bigger person but help you to move on.

Do not rush into a new relationship. At the same time, do not shut yourself from the possibility of something new. Sure, your last relationship ended on a horrible note but be open to giving love another chance.

Stop drawing parallels between your ex and the new guy. Contrary to popular belief, not all men are the same. I would sit down with the new guy and talk to him. Tell him how you honestly feel, express your fears and trust issues and if it's meant to be, he will completely understand, right?

8 See a Rebound

event, interaction, games, recreation, darkness, If you really want to get over your ex, you might have to resort to dire measures. No, you don't have to hook up with a stranger. You should just make a date with a guy that you get along with and enjoy the evening. It doesn't matter if you end up getting married or even going on a second date. You just need to get your mind off of your ex.

9 Write Yourself a Letter

girl, conversation, reading, communication, writing, Despite what he's done to you, you might wake up one day and start missing him again. That's why you need to write a letter to yourself that lists all the negatives about your ex. Don't be afraid to be mean. No one else will see the letter but you, so be as cruel as you can.

10 Focus on Yourself

Instead of immediately searching the city for a new boyfriend, enjoy being single for a bit. Try to climb your career ladder or learn a new talent. Do whatever you've always wanted to do, but never had time for when you were dating.

11 Have Family Time

fashion, event, girl, fun, drink, Your family can be just as helpful as your friends are when it comes to cheering you up. I mean, your parents and siblings were there for you since you were born, so they should know how to make you smile by now. If you're upset, tell them and they'll volunteer to make you dessert or hug you while you cry.

12 Get Closure

, It's difficult to move on if you don't get closure. As much as you hate your ex, having one last conversation with him could help you. If you don't know why he cheated on you, ask him to explain it. Even if he refuses to talk about it, you can at least give an official goodbye.

13 Cry

girl, smile, Even if you've already moved passed the mourning stage of breaking up, it's still okay to cry every once in a while. When something reminds you of your ex or you find out that he's moved on, the tears are a healthy thing. Don't hold back your emotions, because that'll only make things worse.

14 Stay Active

photograph, black, footwear, black and white, exercise equipment, Go to the gym, take your dog for walks, or join a local soccer team. Do whatever you can to stay active. It'll do more than get you in tiptop shape. It'll also keep your mind healthy and take your thoughts off of your ex. Plus, having a smoking hot body is good revenge.

15 Delete His Number

human hair color, girl, black hair, long hair, socialite, If you haven't deleted his number yet, do it now. After that, unfriend him on Facebook and stop following his Instagram. You don't need to see his face ever again.

16 Complain to Your Friends

hair, hairstyle, girl, long hair, hair coloring, Sometimes, letting off a little steam is all you need to start feeling better. Find a friend who won't mind hearing you rant about your ex and then let the curses fly. As long as you complain to someone who won't judge you, it'll help you get over him.

17 Avoid Contact

girl, product, interaction, audience, screenshot, You've already deleted his number, but you need to remember to stay away from him in real life as well. Seeing his face in the hallways can be just as bad as messaging him. It's impossible to avoid him if you attend the same school or work at the same office, but you can always avoid the places that he frequents that you don't need to go to, like certain bars and restaurants.

18 Spend Money on Yourself

human hair color, nose, blond, black hair, human, Take all that money that you would've spent on his birthday gifts and use them on yourself. Buy some beauty products and DVDs that you normally wouldn't splurge on. It's time for you to treat yourself!

19 Get a MakeOver

girl, Why do you think the cliche about single women getting makeovers exists? Well, because changing something as simple as your hair can give you an entirely new outlook on life. It'll make you way more confident, and when you walk with pride, you'll keep a positive attitude.

Take it one step at a time and you will be just fine. And one day when you wake up, you will find that you are no longer hurting. You might find someone else to share your love with or better yet, you will realize that as good as it feels to be in a relationship, it's great to be single again! And that the world is a happy place once again...

There is of course no established foolproof route for getting over an ex that cheated on you. But I would like to hear your stories and how you have changed after that experience. After all, we learn from each other...

This article was written in collaboration with editor Holly Riordan.

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The funniest part of the ex cheating on you is the bullshit excuses they give you. My ex was saying i was his true love and that he never meant to hurt me and that i should forgive him now...but he was cheating with the girl after going out with me fo 4 yrs...its sick cos he got to the point he was confused on what to do...he could have just broken it off with me then..but instead he was telling me how much he loves me everyday! i think the best thing to do is be strong and independent. I have so much time in my hands that i can concentrate on the things that actually matter in life right now. it does get hard sometimes but i know iv always been better than my ex...so i feel like its now a blessing..which i will learnt to appreciate with time!! i cant forgive my ex tho - i dont want him forgiven..

My ex and I were together for seven years. Him letting me down was a constant niggle in our relationship, but after every let down, he would excel himself in doing something good and thoughtful. soon, the let downs became more, the good deeds became fewer, and he decided to go back to university. As most people say, university changes people, and it definitely changed him. He began to exclude me from his social life, he became rude selfish and ignorant at home. the few times that we did go out with friends he would openly flirt with other girls in front of me, and not care when i told him it hurt my feelings (he'd deny it!) The further into his studies the more he would hang out with his friends, and the less time he spent interacting with me at home. he refused to help around the house, pay for food, and even demanded i give him lunch money because he was a 'skint student', but all the while he always had plenty spare cash to splash on the horse races, new suits and going out partying and for meals with his friends. He refused to buy me any birthday gifts this year, claiming he didnt want to add to my mess. Halfway through his course he got a new job and met some new friends through this. One friend in particular, who happened to be female, he became very attached to. She had a boyfriend at home, and as like me, he got very angry when it came out that our partners were frequently seeing each other, and fobbing us off in order to see each other. Despite my constant confrontations about his intentions, he denied that they were close. He didn't care that he hurt my feelings when I said he should be taking me out and including me in his life. I tried to leave him at christmas, but he turned things back on me and told me I was being disrespectful by leaving and 'how dare I put this amount of stress on him during his studies'. He promised to make amends and to start being more attentive, that lasted but a week. Since christmas he saw more and more of this girl, until at the end of May I couldnt take it any more. He would do anything and go everywhere she told him, regardless of whether it upset me or not. I checked his phone only to find suggestive and unacceptable texts, things he should have been saying to me. I confronted him and he admitted that they had been flirting for ages because it was a form of escapism for them both. He admitted lying to me to make me go away, and said the only reason he went out so much with his friends is because they were fun and I was boring. Things have got progressively worse since then. I told him I was leaving, and the day I handed in my notice I came home to find them both having lunch together. He ran to her for sympathy. Another confrontation, this time in the street, ending in him denying everything again and me yelling and pointing my finger saying it was all his fault. After this, he came to and said that during the month I had left that we should try and work things out. I accepted his offer, and things went well for a week. Then the girl got in touch and he went freaky again. He went on more nights out, more lunches and they ended up kissing on numerous occasions. I told him enough was enough. The night before our last day together he said we would spend the whole day out with a picnic in the sunshine. Then he went out with his friends and the girl, and ended up staying at her house all night. I was distraught. All in all, I do believe i've had a lucky escape. but I just cannot get over how totally and utterly horrible he's been, and how he can live with himself knowing he's trashed another human beings feelings and happiness. He visited me two weeks ago to try and make things work, but after the visit he ignored me for 10 days. when I eventually got through to him he told me he's moved on and seeing someone else (i already knew this as he's already paraded her on facebook). They have been together two weeks, meaning he only waited two weeks after I left before moving on. I just cant understand how he can change his feelings just like that, after seven years! I think I'd like him in my life as a friend at some point, but i could never take him back, because he just kept putting me into miserable situations. I would be forever worrying and I dont want to live that way anymore. He never apologised for anything, and refuses to show remorse or prove that he does value me. he told me that asking him to prove that he valued me is 'cynical'. He has dismissed all his friends and found a new group of mates- he has no morals, and no shame and no respect for anyone but himself.

hi. i met my partner 5 years ago when i already had a little girl, things moved fast and we moved in together and coule years later we had a baby boy. I was very sick throughout pregnancy and nearly died afterwards due to infection and I must admit i was horrible to him and always threatening to leave him which i think is becuase i didnt think i deserve love. anyway we broke up and he slept with my best friend but we got back together a few days later , me none the wiser to the fact he had taken her to my other best friends house to sleep with her on her childs bed. the ex best friend eventually told me what happened and i was devastated but tried to fix it for another year because we had been split up. but eventually we broke up permanently for a year. I was pregnant when we broke up without knowing and had started seeing someone else and had a termination. and the ex partner was seeing someone else back in his home town. after 9 months and the new partner being caught cheating me an the ex got back together and moved up to where we are in september 2010. I had extreme trust issues and was constantly packing up an leaving him or threatening to leave him again and again and again. i was rude, nasty and down right mean to him a lot. i am not just saying that, i really pushed him away and had a go for everything and anything. so we split up new year and i left again and went back down the road , i have recently found out he tried to get back with his ex from up here new year texting and callin saying he loved her. anyway we got back together again, and he left two months ago to go train fore firefighting in england..we are in shetland...thats the distance lol. i knew something wasnt right and he came back after siz weeks and i found the ex from up here's number in call list and another girl. i called both of these girls and found so much out i feel like someone is constantly stabbing me. he had arranged to meet the ex and go to the big rugby match with her, telling her all lovey dovey things through text and saying we were broken up. and the other girl he met in a pub down there and kissed, then took her number and met up and took her on a date bowling where he told her a lot of stuff horrid about me. she saw right through him though and refused another date and he continued to phone and text her over and over for days. There is a lot more but thats the basics. I confronted him with all of this evidence and he still denied it, ive been and met the ex who is not interested so she says to see the texts. and phoned the other girl so i can hear him say it on speaker phone although he did tell her he was sorry an should never have done it to me. This guy is not a bad guy, i know that in my heart and I also know that I have been the biggest bitch ever to live with. I cant think when i was ever nice actually at all, i always was having a go about something because i was scared of well this lol. I had a go about money, work, friends in fact just anything. its a real problem of mine to be nice to the one guy i actually love. So what im guessing is I pushed him away so is there a way to forgive what he did, he didnt actually sleep with anyone to my knowledge. and the date he had said he seemed to just want someone to talk with. im confused , please help me :(

believe it or not some men looove their women so much and feel her power is so strong that they end up trying to crush her by cheating and causing hurt so that she becomes dependable. this is why most men chase after "airheads" and after "girly girls" that make themselves look stupid. seriously

Need some advice ladies- been married 8 yrs extremely happy for 4yrs went back to school to get my MBA, where he took another job to help. Long story short after a yr of being passing ships in the night he confessed that he had an slept with a co-worker. I died a little that day, my heart was broken. I kicked him out and tried not to lose my mind. After a week him along with close family friend asked me to work it out. With my heart broken I agreed. It's been so difficult to trust a cheater but he was everything to me. It's been so hard but is trying. As a copping mechanism I priorly monitor his phones and fb. As I am typing this it seems so pathetic, as I am extremely confident person smh. Anyway there has been some inconsistency lately, so called new friends and inappropriate text messages (which I recover after he deleted). His explanation when confronted twice is that he has not done anything. Am I just preventing the inevitable? He is a great provider, friend, lover and most gentle soul I know but I feel as though I am constantly watching over my shoulders. Any thoughts?

my x and I have been together for more than four years before we broke up, I tried to win him back because I thought he was the one that got away. after more than a year, we got back together. One day, I went to his place unexpectedly because I felt something was wrong, I caught him with some girl--who apparently is his girlfriend, they have been together for one year--which during that time me and my x was darting and got back together. I was so mad but I was out of words, I just said some few things and walked away. after that day (which is almost a month ago), I never heard anything from him. The girlfriend called and texted me the day I caught them and few days after. My heart is breaking, I never expected that he will do such thing and he did not try to communicate with me to explain better, just the two of us.

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