Getting cheated on isn't easy to deal with, because the person you trusted more than anything decided to play with your heart until he broke it. But no matter how horrible you feel, things will get better in the future. You need to believe that. Even if you don't at the moment, here are some ways to get over a cheating ex:
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1. Know It's Not You
The inevitable first question to pop up in your mind will be: Why me?! If your ex felt the need to go behind your back to be with someone else, there must be something wrong with you, right? WRONG! As I see it, sure your ego has taken a huge hit and you can come up with a thousand reasons as to why you are to blame. But trust me honey, if my ex cheated on me, chances are he needed no reason to do so.
All that self hate that follows is only the result of a broken heart and you can't really blame yourself. The point is, your relationship may have been going through the worst possible phase but even that's no excuse for your ex to do what he did.
So what do you do? Stop mulling over it. You are not at fault and he was not good enough for you. No one who cheats ever is. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you will get over it.
2. Mourn
This is undoubtedly the worst phase of the "recovery" process. And we've all been there. Sometimes it's so bad that you feel like you have hit rock bottom. But I remember what a friend once told me, "Remember the silver lining... everything from now is only going to go uphill."
We all have our own ways of mourning. For me, it is to literally do what my heart desires at that moment. I like being alone and shutting myself off from the rest of the world... sitting in my room and bawling my eyes out while watching sappy romantic classics.
I've even tried burning my ex's pictures which trust me, made me feel a whole lot better. These though temporary solutions, still work. I wish I could think of something more long-term though. Any thoughts?
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3. Accept It
Once you're done mourning, accept the breakup. Accept that it is over. I have found that this really is my first big step towards healing.
4. Fun with Friends
What in the world would we do without friends? I mean really! Everytime, I have had a horrible breakup, I call my best friends and even if we do nothing but sit and talk, it makes me feel a whole lot better!
I know that my loved ones are always going to be around to watch my back...specially when I need it the most. So I surround myself with them. You should too. Go out with the girls. Party it up. Have fun! I once got two hamsters to cheer myself up and guess what...it really took my mind off my ex! Take up a new hobby. Take a trip! Anything to get your mind off the ex.
And please avoid places that remind you of your ex. Sometimes, it's unavoidable, especially if like my ex and I, you go to the same school... But try your best! The idea is to distract yourself so that when you eventually think of your ex, it would have been so long that you won't feel all that bad! It's worked for me in the past. How about you?
5. Avoid Temptation
Here you are thinking that the hard part is over when suddenly vulnerability sets in. Know that it is very normal to miss your ex and want him back even though he broke your heart.
You miss the familiarity and the companionship and you begin to wonder... "What if I call to just say Hello"...."One cup of coffee wouldn't hurt" ...That's how it starts but trust me, you do NOT want to go down that road again!
6. Give Your Ex Another Chance
I have seen and heard of many women who are willing to give their exes a second chance. Personally, I wouldn't want to do that ever. Trust once destroyed is hard to win back. And for me, the scars left behind would be too deep to get over. But of course, you have to figure out what works for you.
If you do decide to work things out, I would suggest getting help from a counselor. Of course, it will be a very hard process and one would really have to give it their all. Have any of you been in this situation and has it worked out?
7. Move on
Time is the best healer! And I firmly believe that when you are ready to move on... you will. I find it best to forgive my ex. And I mean really really forgive him in my heart. Of course that's easier said than done but you will find that forgiving him will not only make you the bigger person but help you to move on.
Do not rush into a new relationship. At the same time, do not shut yourself from the possibility of something new. Sure, your last relationship ended on a horrible note but be open to giving love another chance.
Stop drawing parallels between your ex and the new guy. Contrary to popular belief, not all men are the same. I would sit down with the new guy and talk to him. Tell him how you honestly feel, express your fears and trust issues and if it's meant to be, he will completely understand, right?
8. See a Rebound
If you really want to get over your ex, you might have to resort to dire measures. No, you don't have to hook up with a stranger. You should just make a date with a guy that you get along with and enjoy the evening. It doesn't matter if you end up getting married or even going on a second date. You just need to get your mind off of your ex.
9. Write Yourself a Letter
Despite what he's done to you, you might wake up one day and start missing him again. That's why you need to write a letter to yourself that lists all the negatives about your ex. Don't be afraid to be mean. No one else will see the letter but you, so be as cruel as you can.
10. Focus on Yourself
Instead of immediately searching the city for a new boyfriend, enjoy being single for a bit. Try to climb your career ladder or learn a new talent. Do whatever you've always wanted to do, but never had time for when you were dating.
11. Have Family Time
Your family can be just as helpful as your friends are when it comes to cheering you up. I mean, your parents and siblings were there for you since you were born, so they should know how to make you smile by now. If you're upset, tell them and they'll volunteer to make you dessert or hug you while you cry.
12. Get Closure
It's difficult to move on if you don't get closure. As much as you hate your ex, having one last conversation with him could help you. If you don't know why he cheated on you, ask him to explain it. Even if he refuses to talk about it, you can at least give an official goodbye.
13. Cry
Even if you've already moved passed the mourning stage of breaking up, it's still okay to cry every once in a while. When something reminds you of your ex or you find out that he's moved on, the tears are a healthy thing. Don't hold back your emotions, because that'll only make things worse.
14. Stay Active
Go to the gym, take your dog for walks, or join a local soccer team. Do whatever you can to stay active. It'll do more than get you in tiptop shape. It'll also keep your mind healthy and take your thoughts off of your ex. Plus, having a smoking hot body is good revenge.
15. Delete His Number
If you haven't deleted his number yet, do it now. After that, unfriend him on Facebook and stop following his Instagram. You don't need to see his face ever again.
16. Complain to Your Friends
Sometimes, letting off a little steam is all you need to start feeling better. Find a friend who won't mind hearing you rant about your ex and then let the curses fly. As long as you complain to someone who won't judge you, it'll help you get over him.
17. Avoid Contact
You've already deleted his number, but you need to remember to stay away from him in real life as well. Seeing his face in the hallways can be just as bad as messaging him. It's impossible to avoid him if you attend the same school or work at the same office, but you can always avoid the places that he frequents that you don't need to go to, like certain bars and restaurants.
18. Spend Money on Yourself
Take all that money that you would've spent on his birthday gifts and use them on yourself. Buy some beauty products and DVDs that you normally wouldn't splurge on. It's time for you to treat yourself!
19. Get a MakeOver
Why do you think the cliche about single women getting makeovers exists? Well, because changing something as simple as your hair can give you an entirely new outlook on life. It'll make you way more confident, and when you walk with pride, you'll keep a positive attitude.
Take it one step at a time and you will be just fine. And one day when you wake up, you will find that you are no longer hurting. You might find someone else to share your love with or better yet, you will realize that as good as it feels to be in a relationship, it's great to be single again! And that the world is a happy place once again...
There is of course no established foolproof route for getting over an ex that cheated on you. But I would like to hear your stories and how you have changed after that experience. After all, we learn from each other...
This article was written in collaboration with editor Holly Riordan.
Comments
Cotton: I am going through absolute hell right now, but at least reading this stuff makes me realize that it's not just me. The first part of this is where I'm at, but it's been ... 11 months at this point and I'm in phase I, but I keep seeing my ex like it said not to do in step 5(?) so perhaps this is why I can't get past Step 1. I'm falling into the worst despair ever and I know I need to pull myself out of it. He cheated on me several times I came to find, so I know I don't want to be in a relationship with him, but I just want him so bad because he was the first person I ever loved and to find out he never loved me back? It makes you feel like there /has/ to be something wrong with you, especially since I've never had anyone love me back or been in a good relationship where I wasn't stomped on. Clearly this stems from problems with me, but I just wish I knew how to be a better and stronger person to where these people wouldn't take advantage of me.
Laura: I just recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years.. We have an 8 month old boy as well.. My "now" ex was addicted to craigslist personal ads.. He would always go on the casual encounters looking for hook ups. And though he never did I still considered him talking and looking for other women cheating. I always found out everytime I would check his phone .. I just had enough, it wasn't the first or second time , this has been going on almost 2 years of the relationship, but because we have a baby together I really tried to make it sirk, but this past Saturday I had about enough, I kicked Him out and haven't heard from him since.. He's a pathetic sorry excuse of a man.. I just don't understand what's going on with these men. They have a good woman but want more.
Camila: hey beauties, I'm currently going through a heart break with my ex of three years. My family and I have helped him progress in life and become a better person. Just about a 2 months ago he started acting weird and changing his ways with me. I recently found out that he was cheating on me with a colleague whom he just met. I'm so heartbroken and i literally cry every single day. How can I move passed this ? please help
mario: hello, im a guy, i was reading all of you experience to try to understand the way my ex act but i still dont so i would like u to help me, sorry about my english is my second language, i still learning. Well, we had a 3 1/2 relationship when i started going out with her mostly everything was good we were getting to know each other i was being really sweet to her and she was really shy, she was 16 when we started dating, i took her virginity and i try to do everything possible to make her feel special cuz that was her first time, i know most woman dont like her first time thats why u tried so hard well it seems it work cuz i told her to be honest with me and she said it was excatly how she wanted. after some time i told her that i dont wanna have problems with her and that the best we could do to dont have problems its being honest and have a really good communication so we wont have doubts about anything, after some time this girl in high schoo told my girlfriend that i kiss her when i didnt and both oof them came up to me to talk obviously that girl look like a lier cuz it didnt make sence at all what she said to us but my girlfiriend still has that doubt. she start skiping schoo a lot and everytime i see her she was huging a different guy i told her that that doesnt look very good she said thats normal i was like i only ask u to respect herself and me, after sometime we took about our problems and i bring this up and she said she did all that for me to get jellos cuz she said i didnt dhow any jealous at all, but then thigs started bothering me an i became really jellos we used to fight really bad screaming and hitting things both of us, i told her that our problem was that i have a lot of freedom in my house i could go anywhere i want and do everything i want but she cant because her mom doesnt let her go out of the house or chill with her friends so she always have doubts of me that when i wasnt with her i was probaly cheating at her but i never gave her reasons and i ask her why u are so jellos to me when she has no reasons and she said she just dont trust me, i never cheated at her i stop having frienships with girls i push most of the people away from me for her to trust me but it didnt work i did all kind os stuff just to see her or spend sometime with her. well many things happen and i promest her i will stop being jellos and everytime we gonna have a problem we gonna be honest and talk about it, i change and we have good times but she always was doing something suspicios so i have doubts and i asked her but all she will do is getting mad saying im thinking sh***t and that she wont talk about it, we broke up after two years cuz i was starting a business and i also have to help my mom so she used to get mad and said i ditnt have time for her so we broke up after a few months we went back together and i foud out by somebody else that she cheated at me, i went up to her and ask her and she denied at first so i told her to be honest with me and she admited she said it was like one year ago and that only was one time and that she was drunk, and only was for like 10 seconds i know to myself its not true but she promest it was only one time and that she didnt want me to leave her so we deciede to go back againg the weel after i found out text messages that she likes this boy and i ask her and she said that that was when we broke up bit nothing happen and that she doesnt like him any more i was like stupid idont know y i decide againg to forgive her and try again and now she broke up with me saying that we have many problems and we wont go nowhere like this and some other crap i was like babe i try my best to understand u to change bad things about me so y dont y try we could work this out and she said she doesnt love me no more i was like if thats what u want then okay, 5 days after she broke up with me she was kissing this guy and holding hands with him i was like wtf, i went up to her and i ask her if he was the reason she broke up with me and she said no that it wasnt because of him that she just afte we broke up have a crush on him and thats y she kiss him, i told her to kiss me cuz i wanna know what she really feel for me and she refuse to kiss me now we talk sometimes and all she does is like he is so cute so sweet and some other shit sorry for the bad words, i beg her like an stupid and now i feel bad for myself cuz i went that low for somebody that doesnt even care about me so please givevme your advice because my ego its low im deppres and i feel really bad about this, i cant stop thinking about her with that guy plz help me
Ms.: Need some advice ladies- been married 8 yrs extremely happy for 4yrs went back to school to get my MBA, where he took another job to help. Long story short after a yr of being passing ships in the night he confessed that he had an slept with a co-worker. I died a little that day, my heart was broken. I kicked him out and tried not to lose my mind. After a week him along with close family friend asked me to work it out. With my heart broken I agreed. It's been so difficult to trust a cheater but he was everything to me. It's been so hard but is trying. As a copping mechanism I priorly monitor his phones and fb. As I am typing this it seems so pathetic, as I am extremely confident person smh. Anyway there has been some inconsistency lately, so called new friends and inappropriate text messages (which I recover after he deleted). His explanation when confronted twice is that he has not done anything. Am I just preventing the inevitable? He is a great provider, friend, lover and most gentle soul I know but I feel as though I am constantly watching over my shoulders. Any thoughts?
Anonymous: So, things were going great with my boyfriend. Then on his birthday, I was in his bedroom and found an empty condom wrapper.... He never explained, all he said was sorry. I picked up my things and haven't heard from him.... I am heart broken and trying to be strong.
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