Getting cheated on isn't easy to deal with, because the person you trusted more than anything decided to play with your heart until he broke it. But no matter how horrible you feel, things will get better in the future. You need to believe that. Even if you don't at the moment, here are some ways to get over a cheating ex:
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1. Know It's Not You
The inevitable first question to pop up in your mind will be: Why me?! If your ex felt the need to go behind your back to be with someone else, there must be something wrong with you, right? WRONG! As I see it, sure your ego has taken a huge hit and you can come up with a thousand reasons as to why you are to blame. But trust me honey, if my ex cheated on me, chances are he needed no reason to do so.
All that self hate that follows is only the result of a broken heart and you can't really blame yourself. The point is, your relationship may have been going through the worst possible phase but even that's no excuse for your ex to do what he did.
So what do you do? Stop mulling over it. You are not at fault and he was not good enough for you. No one who cheats ever is. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you will get over it.
2. Mourn
This is undoubtedly the worst phase of the "recovery" process. And we've all been there. Sometimes it's so bad that you feel like you have hit rock bottom. But I remember what a friend once told me, "Remember the silver lining... everything from now is only going to go uphill."
We all have our own ways of mourning. For me, it is to literally do what my heart desires at that moment. I like being alone and shutting myself off from the rest of the world... sitting in my room and bawling my eyes out while watching sappy romantic classics.
I've even tried burning my ex's pictures which trust me, made me feel a whole lot better. These though temporary solutions, still work. I wish I could think of something more long-term though. Any thoughts?
3. Accept It
Once you're done mourning, accept the breakup. Accept that it is over. I have found that this really is my first big step towards healing.
4. Fun with Friends
What in the world would we do without friends? I mean really! Everytime, I have had a horrible breakup, I call my best friends and even if we do nothing but sit and talk, it makes me feel a whole lot better!
I know that my loved ones are always going to be around to watch my back...specially when I need it the most. So I surround myself with them. You should too. Go out with the girls. Party it up. Have fun! I once got two hamsters to cheer myself up and guess what...it really took my mind off my ex! Take up a new hobby. Take a trip! Anything to get your mind off the ex.
And please avoid places that remind you of your ex. Sometimes, it's unavoidable, especially if like my ex and I, you go to the same school... But try your best! The idea is to distract yourself so that when you eventually think of your ex, it would have been so long that you won't feel all that bad! It's worked for me in the past. How about you?
5. Avoid Temptation
Here you are thinking that the hard part is over when suddenly vulnerability sets in. Know that it is very normal to miss your ex and want him back even though he broke your heart.
You miss the familiarity and the companionship and you begin to wonder... "What if I call to just say Hello"...."One cup of coffee wouldn't hurt" ...That's how it starts but trust me, you do NOT want to go down that road again!
6. Give Your Ex Another Chance
I have seen and heard of many women who are willing to give their exes a second chance. Personally, I wouldn't want to do that ever. Trust once destroyed is hard to win back. And for me, the scars left behind would be too deep to get over. But of course, you have to figure out what works for you.
If you do decide to work things out, I would suggest getting help from a counselor. Of course, it will be a very hard process and one would really have to give it their all. Have any of you been in this situation and has it worked out?
7. Move on
Time is the best healer! And I firmly believe that when you are ready to move on... you will. I find it best to forgive my ex. And I mean really really forgive him in my heart. Of course that's easier said than done but you will find that forgiving him will not only make you the bigger person but help you to move on.
Do not rush into a new relationship. At the same time, do not shut yourself from the possibility of something new. Sure, your last relationship ended on a horrible note but be open to giving love another chance.
Stop drawing parallels between your ex and the new guy. Contrary to popular belief, not all men are the same. I would sit down with the new guy and talk to him. Tell him how you honestly feel, express your fears and trust issues and if it's meant to be, he will completely understand, right?
8. See a Rebound
If you really want to get over your ex, you might have to resort to dire measures. No, you don't have to hook up with a stranger. You should just make a date with a guy that you get along with and enjoy the evening. It doesn't matter if you end up getting married or even going on a second date. You just need to get your mind off of your ex.
9. Write Yourself a Letter
Despite what he's done to you, you might wake up one day and start missing him again. That's why you need to write a letter to yourself that lists all the negatives about your ex. Don't be afraid to be mean. No one else will see the letter but you, so be as cruel as you can.
10. Focus on Yourself
Instead of immediately searching the city for a new boyfriend, enjoy being single for a bit. Try to climb your career ladder or learn a new talent. Do whatever you've always wanted to do, but never had time for when you were dating.
11. Have Family Time
Your family can be just as helpful as your friends are when it comes to cheering you up. I mean, your parents and siblings were there for you since you were born, so they should know how to make you smile by now. If you're upset, tell them and they'll volunteer to make you dessert or hug you while you cry.
12. Get Closure
It's difficult to move on if you don't get closure. As much as you hate your ex, having one last conversation with him could help you. If you don't know why he cheated on you, ask him to explain it. Even if he refuses to talk about it, you can at least give an official goodbye.
13. Cry
Even if you've already moved passed the mourning stage of breaking up, it's still okay to cry every once in a while. When something reminds you of your ex or you find out that he's moved on, the tears are a healthy thing. Don't hold back your emotions, because that'll only make things worse.
14. Stay Active
Go to the gym, take your dog for walks, or join a local soccer team. Do whatever you can to stay active. It'll do more than get you in tiptop shape. It'll also keep your mind healthy and take your thoughts off of your ex. Plus, having a smoking hot body is good revenge.
15. Delete His Number
If you haven't deleted his number yet, do it now. After that, unfriend him on Facebook and stop following his Instagram. You don't need to see his face ever again.
16. Complain to Your Friends
Sometimes, letting off a little steam is all you need to start feeling better. Find a friend who won't mind hearing you rant about your ex and then let the curses fly. As long as you complain to someone who won't judge you, it'll help you get over him.
17. Avoid Contact
You've already deleted his number, but you need to remember to stay away from him in real life as well. Seeing his face in the hallways can be just as bad as messaging him. It's impossible to avoid him if you attend the same school or work at the same office, but you can always avoid the places that he frequents that you don't need to go to, like certain bars and restaurants.
18. Spend Money on Yourself
Take all that money that you would've spent on his birthday gifts and use them on yourself. Buy some beauty products and DVDs that you normally wouldn't splurge on. It's time for you to treat yourself!
19. Get a MakeOver
Why do you think the cliche about single women getting makeovers exists? Well, because changing something as simple as your hair can give you an entirely new outlook on life. It'll make you way more confident, and when you walk with pride, you'll keep a positive attitude.
Take it one step at a time and you will be just fine. And one day when you wake up, you will find that you are no longer hurting. You might find someone else to share your love with or better yet, you will realize that as good as it feels to be in a relationship, it's great to be single again! And that the world is a happy place once again...
There is of course no established foolproof route for getting over an ex that cheated on you. But I would like to hear your stories and how you have changed after that experience. After all, we learn from each other...
This article was written in collaboration with editor Holly Riordan.
Comments
Mona: Hi everyone! My fiance and I had been together for almost 11 years and are supposed to be married this October. Just 2 weeks ago, i sent him out of our house because I could no longer take his cheating habits. I've discoved that he's been cheating on me for the past 4 months with his colleague who has a child with her previous relationship. I started to notice his change almost 3 mos ago. He started coming home late, partying and drinking. And when he's out he doesn't answer my calls. These period of our relatioship has caused too much emotional and mental stress on me as he says that he loves me, and he just enjoys his friends company stressing out that no other woman is involved. But i had this feeling that something is wrong so i made my investigation and found out the painful truth. When me and my family confronted him (we both stay with my Mom and my cousins). After learning the confrontation,he asked forgiveness from me and my Mom but after that he still goes to the other woman. My family has been so good to him and his family. And this is all he gave in return, to fool us and disrespect me and my family. On set of the discovery of his affair he's asking for space and wants to move out of our place. And me being so afraid of losing the love of my life , my first and only love, I stop him from doing so, begging, pleading and asking him to stay and work things out. This time he promised that he'll finish everything between him and the other woman. The next day everything went well. The day after he was 2 hours late from coming home, and I'm sure where he came (the other woman works in the same place as he is and lives just few minutes from their work place). At that very moment, I was at my wits end and talking to my Mom. And i told myself i need to decide now or suffer for the rest of my life. So I packed all his stuffs and placed it outside our door so he need not to come in and tell me lies again. When he arrived at our doorstep and found his stuffs he called my Mom asking why we are sending him away, he called me next asking me why so I told him that I'm gving him the freedom he wants and for him to be with his other woman whom obviously he can't leave. So that day he left and ended our relationship and learned that he went straight to the other woman's house and stayed there for good. He was even telling me and my family that he'll prove to us that he has not done anything wrong but he proved the other way around.. 2 days later he sent message to my Mom asking for her forgiveness and for our family to accept him again. He also gave me miscalls but never tried to call me. next day he sent an SMStelling me that he misses me, how much he loves me and for me to forgive him if ever he has done something wrong, But I never responded to his messages or miss calls. And 5 days later he sent an SMS asking for his flight tickets which i booked for him for 3 straight days. But only sends 1 message a day which is just like a reminder that he's waiting for his flight ticket. After 3 days i still did not reply and he never contacted any of us anymore. We are both working overseas with my family and he's about to have his annual vacation back in our country at the end of the month. Please help me on what to do. I miss him very much and i badly want him back. Your advices will help a lot. Thanks
chauntelgelles: i have been reading alot of everyones stories and it has made me some what feel better and not alone but heres my story: Over the summer my best guy friend went to marine boot camp. He is dating my other best girl friend so he would send us letters and what not. Half way into his bootcamp his buddies started sending letters to us. One of them was the most handsome guy i have ever seen. My best guy friend told me that when he got home i could meet this boy. So two months later he comes home and he tells me that i should start talking to him. so i add him on Facebook and he immediately messaged me. We started talking then gave each other our phone numbers. He is stationed in san diego which is only a couple hours away. So my best friend and i went up to visit them on base. I immediately fell for the kid. His first words to me was he came and hugged me saying omg i feel so under dressed standing next to this gorgeous girl. he is your typical southern boy. kind sweet adorable a gentleman so i thought. he kissed me the first day i met him. His actions followed his words which i was so amazed by. so he got to come down for a weekend and spent it with my family. my mom loved him which was surprising. We started forming what i thought was a relationship. till a two months later he went back home to MN and i found out he went on a party bus and was going to all these parties. I started to worry alot i saw things on twitter which worried me there was this conversation where these kids were asking about how my guy and this girl after party was and he was like well my neck has a few words i automatically thought of hickies so i called my best guy friend crying and he told me not worry it could be anything and that my guy really liked me. So i calmed down and trusted what he said. But i still was worried in the back of my head just like any girl. So i started creeping on that girls twitter that said about the neck thing and she started posting things that i clearly thought was about my guy. saying how happy she was, she was mad that her new years kiss was across the country. i just honestly was so stupid. In my past i accused my ex that he was seeing other people when he really wasn't and he got so mad at me. so i really tried to thinking the best out of this boy. So he comes back home i go and see him and everything is fine. i was a little distant because i was scared. but nothing changed. Then he asked my guy friend if he could come down to surprise me so he did. and we honestly had the best weekend. but in the middle of it my best friend saw that he was texting that girl..... but when ever i was with him he didn't hide his phone when he was texting her when he knew i lookin so i didn't worry. ummm this is the worst part. we had sex that weekend... and it was my first time it was just kind of one of those moments when it just happens you know? but everything was fine till this week. My best friend followed that girl on twitter on instagram and posted a picture of my boy and i. the girl was furious and so my best friend messaged her because i couldn't do it because i would have been a complete bitch. the things i found out literally broke my heart into a million pieces. I've been put through some real fucked up things but this just topped it off. He was seeing her back at home. he said the same exact things to her as to me. He called her his MN angel and called me his cali sweetheart. when he wouldn't reply to me during the week he would be wishing her sweet dreams and all this bullshit. When i went up to see him he tweeted she calls me her handsome marine and now i knew he wasn't talking about me he was talking about her. which literally just shatters everything inside of me. The things he would tell me in person were just all lies and if you met this kid you would have NEVER seen this coming. he would tell me he liked me in person call me beautiful tell me i made his weeks so much better when he was telling that girl that she made his weeks paradise because she was talking to him. i'm sorry but how could you do that to the sweetest girls. They don't usually have their phones during the week so we both haven't heard from him or have an explanation. I haven't eaten in three days food makes me gag i'm so depressed i cry ALLL the time. everything reminds me of him. i just don't get how someone can be so heartless and know that i've been hurt so much before and to have sex. and then have sex with her back at home. And this girl was just like ha well what are you going to do when he comes back home to me. sucks we can't get everything we want. That pissed me off and wanted me to just keep seeing the guy to piss her off. But that so rude and i'm not that type of person. But i'm just so sick to my stomach and can't function. what even do i even do in this situation? do you guys have any advice for me how to handle it??
lola3636: i heal my broken heart with love from family and love ones.. and now im bck on track..
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