1. “We Don’t Have the Same Taste in Books.”

Photo Credit: eclecticlibrarian

We can just laugh at this one, but a close friend of mine has actually got to hear it live! And, as she later found out, this ingenious line actually meant, “I’m doing the waitress that works in that coffee shop I spend my days in, but I’m just too much of a wimp to tell you that.”

2. “I Can’t Date You Because You Are a Lady.”

This was a polite way for my ex to say, “I don’t have time to wine and dine you woman, I was just being nice hoping I will get some. But I was wrong so I’m moving on…”

3. “I Have a Lot of Exams so I Won’t Have Much Time to Focus on Our Relationship and I Think You Don’t Deserve That.”

This is a very good variation of the famous “I have a lot going on in my life right now” cliché. My good friend used it a couple of times and, honestly, you won’t believe how good it works! Most of the guys she dumped using this line were quite understanding and even supportive and some even suggested to “keep in touch” or "call when she’s all done with the exams.”

4. “I’m Breaking up with You Because My Best Friend Doesn’t like You.”

Photo Credit: Izaias Buson

I have myself to blame for this one because the “best friend” in this story was I. I really didn’t like the guy my BFF had been dating in that time and I was completely honest, objective and straightforward. And sadly, so was she!

5. “Maybe You Need to Focus on Yourself for the Time Being.”

A polite and very generous-sounding variation of “I need some time on my own.” Highly applicable if a person is smothering you with his emotions, problems and jealous questions because it means, “I can’t listen to your problems anymore and I can’t stand you questioning me about where I’ve been, what I’ve done, whom did I see. Get a shrink, go to Oprah, I don’t care. Just get away from me before get a restraining order for you.”

6. "You Are the Weakest Link! Good Bye!”

Harsh, straightforward and very clear! Not really the kindest way to say Goodbye but, hey, if you have already tried doing things the nice way and the person is still pretending to “not understand what you mean,” this one leaves no room for doubt.

7. “I Decided I'm Lesbian/gay. so, You See, I Really Can’t Date You Anymore.”

Photo Credit: Jason Pier in DC

Believe it or not, people use this one quite a bit! So, if somebody tries to use it on you, here’s a great comeback: No problem babe, I understand how hard it must be for you now. But don’t worry I have a lot of homosexual friends you might like so I’ll definitely spread the word around.

8. “We Can’t See Each Other Anymore Because I’m Getting Married in Two Days.”

Hearing this is bad but realizing it’s a complete and honest truth is even worse! Yikes! How long were you dating and you didn't even know they were engaged?

9. “We Are Just Too Different.”

Meaning, "I’m embarrassed to show up with you in public" or "You are way too gorgeous for me and I know you will realize that and dump me sooner or later so dumping you first is better for my ego."

10. “You Are Me Freaking out, I Feel like I Want to Choke You Instead of Kissing You!”

Oops, this is how my ex, now my best friend, broke up with me. He was always brutally honest and, back in the days when we were dating, I really was a neat freak. I drove the poor guy crazy but this break up turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to us.

Have you ever heard some of these before or maybe even used them on somebody? If you know some more funny/witty/weird ones I would love to hear about them. After all, once the pain is gone all we can do is sit, share bad break up stories and laugh about them.

Top Photo Credit: Photologica