Have you ever been in that awkward situation where you’re friends with a couple, but then they split? Or you break up with your own partner but have friends in common? In both cases, it can be difficult to know what to do, and to stay friends with both parties. Here are some tips that may help.
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Your Issues Are Not Theirs
Whatever the grievance you have against your ex, it has nothing to do with your friends. Remember that they may still like your ex and wish to remain in contact with them. So if you want to complain about your ex, it’s best to do so to someone who doesn’t know them, as it won’t be very pleasant for a friend to hear.
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Don’t Force Them to Choose
Many people try to take ‘custody’ of a mutual friend after a breakup, especially if they knew the friend first. This really isn’t fair! They’re not a piece of property to be divided up, so don’t put any pressure on them to choose you or your ex.
After a breakup, it can be difficult to navigate how to handle mutual friends. It’s important to remember that your mutual friends are not a piece of property to be divided up between you and your ex. It’s not fair to put pressure on them to choose one of you over the other.
When dealing with mutual friends after a breakup, it’s important to be respectful and considerate of their feelings. It’s OK to talk to them about the breakup, but try to avoid getting into too much detail. It’s also important to be respectful of your ex’s feelings. Even if things ended on bad terms, it’s important to be civil when talking about them and to not badmouth them in front of your mutual friends.
It’s also important to remember that your mutual friends may not want to take sides. They may want to remain neutral and be friends with both of you. It’s important to respect their decision and not pressure them into choosing one of you over the other.
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Avoid Taking Sides
If you’re the friend of a separating couple, and you want to stay friends with both of them, try to avoid getting judgemental. Whatever you think about the situation, and even if you believe that one party is at fault, keep your opinion to yourself. If you are critical, they may hear about it – goodbye friendship.
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Time for Both
Remaining friends with both parties can be difficult, given the emotions that surround the end of a relationship. Like any friendship, it will take work, and more so than normal. Make sure that you find time for both friends, and keep in touch even if you don’t see them. Make it clear that you still want to be friends.
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Tactful
It might seem more complicated than international negotiations, but be tactful in your dealings with both parties. Avoid criticism, or reporting back on a new relationship. The same goes if you are part of the ex-couple. Don’t badmouth your ex, it just makes you look bitter.
Being tactful means respecting the delicate balance of emotions. Everyone's trying to find a new normal after a breakup, and your grace can set the tone. Understand that mutual friends may feel caught in the middle, so reassure them with positivity rather than dragging them into any drama. Remember, showing class and maturity during these times not only aids your healing process but also helps maintain harmonious friendships that have been caught in the crossfire of heartbreak.
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Happiness depends upon ourselves.
Don’t Freeze Them out
The situation can be so complicated that it’s sometimes easier to abandon friendship with one party, or simply let it slide. This is especially common where the ex-couple were part of a circle of friends. Try to include both parties in outings; if they can’t bear to be in the same room, especially in the early days, then invite each to different gatherings.
However, it's essential to respect their emotions and boundaries. Communicate openly with both individuals to gauge their comfort levels. If they are open to it, perhaps consider planning an interactive group activity that would make the situation less intense, allowing for a shared focus rather than on interpersonal dynamics. Remember, though, it's not your responsibility to fix their relationship – your role is ensuring you maintain your connections with both, without becoming a mediator.
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Be Nice
If one party decides to date again, as is inevitable, treat the new partner with civility. Even if it seems too soon after the breakup, that is not for you to judge. If the ex-partner doesn’t like the fact that the other has moved on, it’s not your problem, and it’s certainly nothing to do with the new partner.
Have you managed the difficult feat of keeping in contact with mutual friends when they split? Did your friends take sides in your own breakup? What other advice would you offer in this situation?
Top Photo Credit: samlevin
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