Oh, I love the predictability of many horror movies. Half the fun is knowing that most of the cast are destined to be dispatched in various gruesome ways owing to their total dumbness and lack of self-preservation. Here are some of the daft things these characters say and do.
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Go through the Door
You KNOW that the axe-wielding maniac ALWAYS lurks behind a door, but you´re still going to go through it, aren’t you. Not a smart move. It’ll be the last thing you ever do.
Photo Credit: Wellstone
‘We’re Safe Now’
Uh-oh. Famous last words if ever I heard them. Here comes the axe-wielding maniac to prove you wrong. Chop chop. Nice knowing you.
Photo Credit: David Urbanke
Frequently asked questions
‘the Government/army/authorities Will Rescue Us’
Have you never noticed that in horror movies, it’s always the survivalist nut who, well, survives, thanks to his arsenal of weapons and distrust of authorities. He’s got it sorted. The surburban types have no idea how to defend themselves, and are lucky to last five minutes. Which is admittedly a long time in movieland.
Photo Credit: the brownhorse
‘if We Can Just Make It to the Store/my Cousin Joe’s House/the Mall, We’ll Be Safe’
You still haven’t got it. There is no safety in a horror movie. Someone always makes a fatal mistake and the zombies/virus/axe-wielding maniac gets in. Have fun trying though.
Photo Credit: Salva del Saz
Run to the Creepy Old House to Ask for Help
Haven’t you see Psycho? Bound to be inhabited by at least one nutter, if not a whole family of them.
Photo Credit: Ronaldo F Cabuhat
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Fail to Check the Back Seat of the Car before Driving off
This is dumb even for a horror movie character. Come ON! Of course the maniac is lurking there, so he can pop up when you think you’re at a safe distance!
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Running in a Straight Line when Fleeing for Your Life
This is exactly what killers expect. Try zigzagging, because movie killers depend on their victims exhibiting predictable behaviour. Be mean and confuse them.
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Be a Pretty Young Girl
You are killer fodder. Don’t expect to see your next birthday.
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‘I Know What to do
I’ve watched the movies’. Oh, don’t come over all post-modern ironic on us. Nobody likes a smartass. You’re dead. RIP.
Photo Credit: CarbonNYC
What do you love about horror cliches? Do you too sometimes sit shouting at the screen ‘Don’t do it! Oh, you idiot …’?
Top Photo Credit: janbat
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