They say you can fix a broken vase but the glue will always show. Now, that may work for glassware but relationships are something else. It’s true that, once an adultery has been committed, you can’t expect the things to go back to normal overnight, but many couples have managed to beat the odds, get past the cheating episode and live happily ever after. So, if you’re the one that cheated, the one that is trying to get past the partner’s infidelity or, if you just know a person that might use an advice – here are 7 steps that will make dealing with the situation easier.
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1. Think Things through
The cheating one has to decide whether he loves his partner enough to do everything possible to salvage the relationship. Cheating is the worst thing you can do and it would be foolish to expect the other person to say, “Ok, I forgive you. Now, did you get that shampoo I asked you to pick up on your way home?” It takes a lot of hard work and sacrifice! Now, if you have been cheated on, I can totally understand how you feel right now. And, believe me, hiding it and pretending you don’t care is wrong. Let it all out, cry, don’t keep the pain bottled up inside. Once that is out of your system you will be able to think more rationally and decide whether you want the cheater back or no.
2. Get to the Bottom of It
Talking about the things that made you or your partner resort to cheating is not easy but it’s the only way. You see, I think most of my relationships failed because of the fact that I like to shove problems under the rug and pretend that everything is OK. Now, that’s definitely the easier way but it only leads to more problems and ends with cheating, breaking up or both. Find the problems and work up the solutions so you could have a fresh start.
3. Forget the Words and Focus on the Acts
“I love you” sure did mean a lot before that cheating episode but, honestly, it’s worth a diddly squat now! So, if you are the cheating one, find other ways to demonstrate your love and regain your “relationship credibility”. Just make sure they don’t involve material things because your loved one might feel like you are trying to buy their love. Explain how sorry you are, take responsibility for your actions and be prepared to answer all the questions your partner may have.
4. Forgive and Forget
Your partner had cheated on you, you’ve discussed it and decided to move on and try to make it work. Congratulations for letting the love win! However, jealousy and the lack of trust may interfere here so make sure that, once you forgive your cheating partner and learn a lesson, you observe the cheating episode as a thing of the past. Your partner should help you with that by working hard to regain your trust and you should be open to that. Don’t give in easily because he/she has to learn a lesson too, but don’t fall into the trap of using that mistake as an excuse to act jealous, make insulting comments or make him/her suffer.
If you're looking to engage your partner in intriguing conversations, why not try some hypothetical questions for couples? These fun queries will not only keep the conversation lively but also stimulate deep thoughts and potentially reveal insights about each other's personality and thought processes.
5. Rekindle the Old Flames
Think about the things that brought you two together, that made you grow strong as a couple and re-experience those moments. Start going to dinners and visiting museums once again or go camping, hiking or anything you like. Do all those things you used to do while your relationship was still fresh. You see, one of the most common reasons for cheating is the feeling of being stuck in a rut. And, let’s face it, all relationships go through that boring phase when one person knows exactly what the other person will say, do or suggest.
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6. Don’t Be Vindictive
Your partner’s cheating is not your get-out-of-jail-free card. If you take his cheating as a permission to cheat back once the good opportunity comes out, what’s the point of saving the relationship now only to destroy it again in a couple of days, months or years?
7. Work on the Trust
Every healthy relationship is build upon trust so, once you manage to trust each other again, things can go their usual way. Sometimes it takes years to get the relationship to what it used to be before the “unfortunate event”, sometimes you realize that you can never feel the same for that person again but sometimes, cheating or being cheated on opens your eyes and makes you realize how much you love that person and how you can’t stand the thought of losing her. The cheater should work very hard on rebuilding that trust – no lies, no checking out other girls/guys and no shutting off the phone.
What is your take on this? Have you ever been in this situation and, if yes, how did you deal with it? Feel free to add more tips and share your opinion on cheating, forgiving and moving on. Would you find it in your heart to forgive or would you break up immediately?
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Comments
Hurt: I found out two days ago that of the seven months I have been dating my boyfriend he cheated on me for four... He has lied to me about everything, from day one and my world now is just... Shattered. I had suspected infidelity, and had brought it up and he admitted it, but lied and told me that he hadn't slept with this young woman since we officially began dating. I told him I forgave him, because it wasn't really cheating if we weren't fully together, but it hurt to know that he had still slept with her while we were trying to figure out if we wanted to date. Now this... And he didn't even tell me... A friend of his who I'd met once told me and then I confronted him about it. I have gotten all the information from everyone involved (including all if the people who knew it was happening and didn't say anything) I've made it very clear to this young woman that her plan to gain my fiancé (he proposed on my birthday, three weeks after the last time they slept together) as her own had failed and that she was to stay away from us and let us be. Even though I'm staying... And I DO want to fix this with him and get him help (he doesn't have a reason for why he cheated, not even a lie... He just says he doesn't know) I I don't know if I can... I moved to a different country for him, I have no one here but him... I am so incredibly list and confused. How how do I fix myself so that I can make a better and firmer decision on what to do, how do I help him so that he can be better to me I'd I do decide to stay beyond seeing him get help and how do I let go of all this hurt so that we can move on and try to move forward with our lives? I know we can't go back, I know I can't pretend it's Okay like I have been but I don't know what to donor how to feel... I'm so depressed and upset when he's sleeping or at work, but I'm trying to hide just how upset I still am when he's around... I just want to stop being so hurt by this...
Hannah: My boyfriend left fora week and I went out partying with my girl friend. Needless to say I ended up getting a ride home from a guy I did stuff with in the past while I wasn't in my right mind. We messed around and my girlfriend knows I did. I Messaged my bf the next day because I was upset that my girlfriend allowed me to go with the guy when I wasn't thinking straight. I told him how bad of a friend she was and that I didn't wanna hang out with her again . But I didn't tell him why or what I did. Somehow my girlfriend hacked my Facebook account and saw what I said about her and is now threatening to tell my boyfriend. I don't know what to do HELP!
Crystal: How do you know if you should even begin to forgive the cheater? Is emotional cheating any better than physical cheating? I was cheated on emotionally and I'm broken but I don't know if I should take him back. Do I let him prove he's fighting for us first?
Editha: I cheated on my boyfriend of 5 years at the start of this year. Thing is we had just broken up but were in the process of mending. I was truly shattered when we did break up and turned to someone I definitely shouldn't have. He recently found out but never said anything until today. I really want to work it out, I love him to much to let this relationship go.
Becky: My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years. I just recently admitted to cheating on him in our first year of dating and he has broken things off. I want so desperately to be with him and don't know how to make things work...
Akki77: Hello. i am very sad. i made 2 mistakes one is talking wrong things with some other girl and other is a flirty approach to other girl. So inshort i cheated on my girlfriend. And so we had a breakup. I have realized my mistakes and i cnt live happily without my girlfriend. I hurted her a lot and i want her back anyhow. i tried to convince her. i have changed myself upto greater extent and want to get her back. i talked with her but she is not at all ready to come back and accept me. Please help me getting her back. i will never do any such mistakes that would make her unhappy. just one wish to get her back
Mary: Thank you for this post. I've been going through a month of hell.... I was planning a special dinner on Easter for my husband where I would tell him we were expecting our second child, but instead I got a call from a coworker saying he was sleeping, and had been for 2 months, with his other female coworker who also happened to be one of MY best friends. She even came over to hang out at my house when the affair was going on. I've been heartbroken... my husband has been begging me to leave, saying it didn't mean anything.. but I just feel at the lowest place. Now with a second child on the way, I want to try even if it fails... after two kids you are rather tied and invested to that person.... this article really helped me
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