1. Demeter Beetroot Fragrance

Price: $10 at demeterfragrance.com
Okay... beetroot? My grandma loves Demeter, so I thought I’d order some new products to give her as a present, but I just don’t understand this. The website claims, “On the skin, it gives the wearer a sense of the dirt it just came from, and the beautiful rouge-sweet juice.” Umm, okay then. I think I’ll stick to sweet floral scents...

2. Flame

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Price: $5.99 from bk.com
So men love burgers, and Burger King make burgers...and that’s about as far as I get with understanding this. The Burger King promotional team have made this great body spray perfume, which smells of... umm... burgers. It’s quite convincing... you can even smell the grease. I just don’t really understand why you’d wear it... or where?!

3. Demeter Play Doh

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Price: £19.99 from beautyandskin.com
This perfume was made to commemorate the 50th anniversary of Play Doh, the popular children’s toy. What’s confusing is why they chose to make a women’s perfume, rather then a special play set or a clothing range... are there women who want to smell like Play Doh?

4. Marijuana

Price: $6 at scent.net
I understand why this costs just 6 dollars... you are going to smell like a student house, and you should probably avoid police officers! I wouldn’t inhale it too much, either. A curious choice of scents for a perfume, and I can’t see Herbology making a lot of money out of it... but maybe I’m wrong?

5. Cheese

Price: To be confirmed, but it’ll be sold at stiltoncheese.com
I don’t like cheese, so I might be slightly biased here, but I’ve always found Stilton to be quite smelly. It reminds me of curdled milk, and not in a good way. But, it would seem that cheese manufacturers think this is an excellent way to increase the number of people eating cheese, and they’ve even approached Cat Deeley to be the face of it. Shocking.

6. Earthworm

Price: $10 at demeterfragrance.com
No joke, Demeter have done it again... this time, the scent in question is earthworm. Do worms even smell? Well, this perfume does. It has a very earthy, mossy smell... a bit like decomposing, and a bit wet. And generally, not very nice, and not at all attractive.

7. Umm...

Price: $24.90 at vulva-original.com
Umm... well, I really don’t know what to say. For the first time in a long time, I am actually speechless. It’s described as an erotic, feminine and intimate scent... and it’s a bit yellow. It actually looks a bit like pee... and I wouldn’t wear it if you paid me. Nuh – uh.

If you are wearing any of these perfumes... well, I think you should swap them for a nice scent, like Marc Jacobs Daisy, and seek some help. Especially if you are wearing the last one! If not, I’d avoid them, unless you are buying them as a joke... which would be quite funny, but really, we shouldn’t encourage them. I dread to think what they’ll come up with next... Spotted an odd perfume? I’d love to hear about it!

Top Photo Credit: marthinotf