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17 Obvious Signs of Cheating ... is He a Cheater?

Sheila Aug 18, 2023

17 Obvious Signs of Cheating ... is He a Cheater?
17 Obvious Signs of Cheating ... is He a Cheater?

Every woman needs to know these obvious signs of cheating. Why? Well, no relationship is foolproof, least of all a marriage. And sometimes, when you've been with each other for so long, trouble may show its ugly face in the form of an extramarital affair. If and when that happens, you need to be prepared...starting off with knowing how to identify these 17 obvious signs of cheating...

1. His Looks

His Looks So your husband has always been one of those guys who never bothered looking into the mirror more than once, never tucked in his shirt unless he had to, never cared that his socks were smelly, never wore deodorant unless you begged him to, but suddenly there's a metamorphosis. There are new clothes, haircuts, new shoes, maybe even a manicure and pedicure! Now, there's nothing wrong with taking care of yourself and wanting to look good, but when it's an overnight change, when you literally wake up to realize that your former slob of a husband has suddenly started to make a serious effort in the looks department, something is definitely brewing.

How to tell if he is cheating online? Read more!

2. Overtime at Work

Overtime at Work In all possibility, your poor husband could be working overtime just so that he can afford that necklace you wanted for your birthday or maybe there are other reasons for him to stay out of the house. Has something been bothering him at home? Has your relationship been very stressful of late? Have you spoken to him about it? Never assume that just because he's staying late at work, he's cheating. But if you have ruled out other options and can't see any other reasons for why he's unreachable at work, the unexplained meetings and sudden business trips, it's time to find out what's happening. The simplest way to find out the truth? Check his salary stub. If he has indeed been working overtime, his salary stub will show it. So get a hold of it and you might just be able to catch him cheating on you.

3. New Found Love for an Old Car

New Found Love for an Old Car Gone are the days when your husband was more than okay with a bunch of old pizza boxes lying around in that junk of a car and having it smell like someone died in it. If you notice that he's suddenly been keeping his car squeaky clean to the point where he doesn't even want your hair brush in the glove compartment or toys on the back seat, it could be a sign that he's a) trying to do away with any indication of having a family, or b) using his car for “extracurricular” activities. You need to put on your spy glasses immediately and find out what's happening because this is quite an obvious sign of cheating.

4. Hairy Scary Evidence

Hairy Scary Evidence This one is such a classic. Imagine this, you are folding your husbands shirts when you chance upon a long blonde hair clinging to one of them. Now that's perfectly fine except you are a brunette and your children have brown hair! If you notice a trend with this hair thing, maybe it's time to question him. If your husband is having an extramarital affair, you better hope she has a hair loss problem. It will make your detective work so much easier. Maybe you should collect all the blonde hair, put them in a sachet and throw it on his face when you question him after you have confirmed that he's cheating on you.

5. Shy to Be Shirtless

Shy to Be Shirtless I remember this is how a friend caught an ex boyfriend's secret affair. Wearing a winter scarf in summer does not exactly scream faithful. Oh well! Here are some signs that he might be trying to hide an unexplained bruise: If he is suddenly "shy" to change in front of you; if he makes sure that the two of you only have sex in the dark; if he wants to shower with the bathroom door locked out of the blue; and if he usually walks around in just his shorts but lately has been covering himself up more than necessary. Could there be a more obvious sign of cheating?

***

Indeed, when a man suddenly starts guarding his bare torso as if it's Fort Knox, it's not paranoia to suspect something is amiss. Maybe he's developed a newfound modesty, or perhaps he's covering up telltale marks of passion that weren’t planted by you. Another red flag? If he's quick to grab a towel or a shirt the second he gets out of the water or after a workout, when he used to parade his physique with pride. Girl, those alarm bells ringing in your head? They might just be onto something. Keep your eyes peeled and trust your gut.

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6. Stomach Oh-so-upset

Stomach Oh-so-upset If you ask him to catch up for lunch and he politely declines over and over again, making up ridiculous excuses, maybe he's busy doing something else during lunch break. Pay him a surprise visit at work, picnic basket et al, and see what you find. And as if that wasn't bad enough, he seems increasingly disinterested in the dinners you cook him even if they are his favorite dishes. He either has a bad tummy or just doesn't feel like eating. Well, he's gotta be eating somewhere and with someone, and a guy can only have so many "boys’ nights out."

7. What's That Smell

What's That Smell You HATE floral fragrances, so what's your husband's laundry doing smelling like it? Not only that, he reeks of it when he comes home late from work and even when he comes home supposedly after a guys’ night out. The nauseating smell becomes increasingly familiar and it's not yours! Women have a keener sense of smell than their male counterparts and you should use it to your advantage. If you are a hundred percent sure that you're not imagining it, work up the guts to ask him something like, "What's that new perfume you're wearing? Isn't it a little too floral for a man?" Watch his reaction. If he cringes or seems surprised even for a second, you know something's up.

8. Liar Liar: the Most Obvious Sign of Cheating

Liar Liar: the Most Obvious Sign of Cheating It's funny when men think they can lie to you and get away with it that easily. They obviously aren't aware of our ridiculously strong radar that can smell a lie a mile away. Now we all indulge in little white lies every now and then, and that's okay. But if you notice that your husband has been lying to you way too often, if he hasn't been looking you in the eye when asked where he was or why he's late and if he has one too many excuse for his actions, confront him. Too many cover ups = trouble.

9. Internet Love

Internet Love So you notice a sudden increase in your husband’s online activity. He is on his laptop ALL the time and you know it's not work related. He is suddenly very active on social networking sites and it's not just old friends he's catching up with. He even has new email accounts that you don't have the password to. Tip of the iceberg: When you suddenly walk into the room, he closes chat windows or the laptop screen itself and seems uncomfortable. Is he trying to hide his communication with someone? Possibly. If curiosity gets the better of you, try to look up his history to see if you can find something and if it has been erased, you know he definitely has something to hide.

***

This surge in digital secrecy can be disconcerting. Has he changed his passwords recently? That’s another red flag. And if your gut instincts tell you that those lengthy online sessions are more intimate than innocent, trust that feeling. The virtual world offers endless possibilities for emotional affairs. Aside from snooping—which can breach trust and backfire—consider an open, honest conversation about your concerns. Approach him calmly, without accusations. A cheater might deflect or gaslight, but your emotional connection deserves transparency. Remember, it’s not just his online activity but how he reacts to your concerns that tells the real story.

10. Bank Statements

Bank Statements It's your turn to bring in the mail and you happen to glance at your husband’s bank statement. And what do you see? A couple of confusing charges. Maybe some payments made to a lingerie store. Now you know he didn't get you anything and obviously he wasn't buying himself a thong from Victoria's Secret. And then there's that charge by a jewelry store and one too many payments made at nice restaurants. You would know if you were at dinner with him and you very well know that you haven't received any gifts from him in months! Just make sure your birthday or anniversary isn't around the corner before you scream at him asking him who he's buying all this stuff for.

11. Dry Spells

Dry Spells When was the last time the two of you got hot and heavy? When was the last time you even kissed passionately? Has there been a serious slack in the bedroom department? Now all couples have their ups and downs, and dry spells are as common as snow in winter. But if you've been "dry" for way too long and any effort you make is being met with a negative response, maybe it’s time to bring it up.

12. Secret Conversations

Secret Conversations Do you ever catch him talking in a low voice or quickly finishing conversations when he sees you? Does he always keep his phone close by or leave the room when he gets a call? A person who isn’t doing anything wrong has no reason to do any of the above. If he’s not planning a surprise for you, there’s no reason to be so secretive when he’s on the phone! If you haven’t already asked what he’s up to, start asking!

13. Picking Fights

Picking Fights Have you noticed an increase in arguments and fights lately? Does your partner get upset over silly things and storm out of the house? This can be a way for him to cool off or it could give him an out to leave and meet the other woman. If he’s looking for reasons to get mad and leave, try to resolve the issue before he leaves to see how he reacts.

14. He Accuses You of Cheating

He Accuses You of Cheating Another one of the signs of cheating is when he accuses you of cheating. It might seem weird, but many people do this because of the guilt they feel for cheating. If he has no reason to suspect that you are cheating, there should be no reason for him to accuse you of it. The next time he brings it up, try talking to him about it and asking him why he feels this way. He really has no reason to be accusing you!

***

Accusing someone of cheating without any evidence is a tell-tale sign of cheating. It could be a sign of guilt, or a way of deflecting attention away from their own cheating. If your partner has accused you of cheating without any reason, it could be a sign that they are cheating themselves. It is important to talk to your partner and ask why they feel this way. If they are cheating, they may not be honest about it, but if they are honest, it could be a sign of trust and respect in the relationship. It is important to address this issue as soon as possible to ensure that the relationship is healthy and honest.

15. Need for Privacy

Need for Privacy Having a sudden need for privacy can be another red flag of a cheating partner. Just like with the secret phone calls, if he all of a sudden feels the need to have his privacy and private time, you have a right to be suspicious. Trust is a huge part of a relationship and it’s very suspect that your man would want to start keeping things from you. If he desires more time alone along with some of these other signs, he could be up to no good!

16. Mood Swings

Mood Swings Have you noticed your partner is moodier than before? Does he appear to be happy and in good spirits when he’s leaving home but when he comes home he’s sad and withdrawn? If he’s involved with another person, the problems from that relationship could be spilling over into this one.

17. Cold Shoulder

Cold Shoulder When someone is cheating, it might start feeling like you’re growing apart. He might start communicating less and less with you or start giving you the cold shoulder and becoming increasingly emotionally detached. He might not be as caring as he used to be or you might feel like he’s just a roommate because he’s emotionally invested in someone else.

So there! Quite easy to catch on to these obvious signs of cheating, don't you think? If you are convinced, here are some ways to find out the person with whom he's cheating. Just remember that your instinct is your best friend. If you think something's up, something probably is. Also remember the two Cs: confrontation and communication. They are both better options than beating yourself up over it. Please do share your experiences... obvious signs of cheating that you missed and how you reacted once you found out he was cheating on you. I'm sure others in the same situation would love to know...

Feedback Junction

Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

I think that my opinion on some of these could be useful considering I am a guy. I'd like to first say that, yes he could be cheating on you. Its natural for you to worry about that, because lets face it. He's worried your cheating on him as well. A good point to remember is that there may be nothing wrong. If you go about this wrong, or he finds out and there isn't anything going on, or even if there is, this will crush his trust in you. It may even lead him to start cheating where he wasn't before. Another thing to consider is that when you look for something to be wrong, your going to find it even if there isn't anything going on. Having said that I would like to include some things you should think about before assuming he is cheating on you. 1) Also take into account that he may have come to a personal realization that he just needs to do better in the hygiene department. Also there is a chance that he's decided to do better for you as well. 2) Take into account that you may be a bit overbearing and he simply wants some time to himself. Of course he would never say this to you, because most likely you will just take it as an insult. 3) This one is one that could be a good indicator. Once again though, putting on spy glasses in certain ways will only cause more problems. Also there is still a chance he has just decided to do better, it happens so be careful. 4) Key here is the "after you have confirmed he's cheating on you." People's hair fall out all the time, and they do manage to get places. If it is a co-worker there is still some chance that nothing is going on. 5) There isn't much to say here besides the unexplained bruise could be from something else besides love making. As to what I can't currently think of honestly, but there is always the possibility that its something that hurt his pride and he just doesn't want to tell you. Or he just doesn't want you to worry about it. 6) As a guy I can tell you, there is no limit to how many boy's night outs there can be. Now the lack of eating with you, or your cooking is something to be worried about. Perhaps he is tired of the same meals, even if they are his favorite. Not too likely I would say, but its always possible. There may also be things about what comes with the meals that have driven him off as well. For instance if he is expecting that he will be nagged at for a length of time because that's whats normal when you eat together. 7) There is nothing to say here. I would say by all means be worried about this. Just don't jump the gun before you are sure he is cheating on you. 8) Too many coverups the secrecy yes, I would be worried if a woman i was with behaved like that as well. Don't try to tell me women don't make a lot of cover ups when they lie about something big consistently, everyone does. Now consider that he may be working on a project that he wants to surprise you with. Of course, you should be able to work this one out depending on the lie and how that goes. Still being too accusing doesn't help much. 9) No, nothing to say on this one. 10) Nope nothing on this one either. As a last note I love how the women's site insist on being confrontational, while the men's site with figuring out if she's cheating pretty much tells us not to confront her directly about it ever. I find this to be a somewhat sexist thing, but who cares about that. Really, you need to have a trusting relationship I'm not saying he's not cheating on you. I'm just saying it doesn't help you to be thinking the worst about us all the time.

My loving boyfriend of 8 months is really into porn and I confronted him telling him I dont like it. He decided to hide it from me when he would go on a porn site even made up new email addresses so I wouldn't know. Then he lied to me when I confronted about the emails. He finally told me the truth about it and allowed me to set parental controls so he cant get on porn anymore. He then told me that he doesn't want to ruin our relationship because he I am the best girlfriend he ever had and that I am his soulmate his best friend. But he cheated on his other girlfriends in the past and he said he wont do that to me caus he doesn't want to hurt me or lose me but that if he ever got the urge to cheat he wuld come to me and he would let me help him. What do you think? Do you think I should worry? Cause we have a great relationship together, we have gret communication he just hid the porn and email stuff from me so I wuldn't be hurt and he wouldn't give up his addiction, but he let me put parental controls on so what do u think?

Hi m so confused about this guy whom I met in social network & fell head over heels. After a yr of dating we both decided getting married. However the problem is he has been lying in many occasion to me & that too all very silly lies which he could have put it straight to me. Now m scared if he does the same in future which will hurt us both.. Plz help if I should marry him :'(

I'm troubled... I always was somewhat sheltered so I would't know for sure, but I think that what happened today was very, very wrong in lots of many different kinds of ways.. To start I'll say that I'm in my grandparents' house, in my home country. Also, I have a fear of men since all I've met so far are perverts who groped me. So, my mom went out and told me to take care of my grandfather. So far, so good. But then as I was helping him wear his clothes (as usual, I always did that at least once when we go to grandpa's house). So he got up told me to come nearer so that he could kiss me (that may sound weird but its normal, we always hugged and kissed IN THE CHEAKS). Ok. So he kissed me as usual, nothing out of the ordinary, but then he hugged me reaaaaally tight, I could hardly breath. I thought it was weird and I freaked out and got scared cause he's a man, but I kept on convincing myself that it was normal, that I was being paranoid, that he's my GRANDFATHER. Ok. Then, he kissed me again, almost as if aiming at my mouth, but I turned and it went near my mouth but on the cheeks. He hugged again, tried his kiss but failed again. So, I'm an idiot, I always was a bit mentally underdeveloped at times necessary. And I always lacked social skills and had a hard time dealing with people in situations which don't usually happen to me. So as the idiot I was, I felt embarrassed and scared, I panicked and didn't know what to do. So that's what I told him; "Why don't you let me kiss you back?". In my family those kinds of kisses should be given back, I didn't think he was a pervert. So I kissed him back (ON THE CHEEKS- NO FRENCH NOR LIP SO FAR-). He then hugged me tighter than even the ones before it, he kissed my neck, and stayed there and kept on kissing and smelling. I was seriously scared. Anyways he stopped after that as he heard the voices of my brothers talking getting nearer. Just two days ago I slept in the same room as him instead of my mom, and now he's panting, hugging and kissing? I'm scared, what should I do? This might not be the right section, but I'm seriously in a bind. Is he cheating on his wife, who lives in the same house as him (but not the same room-dunno why-). What's going on? Should I tell my mother who happens to be his daughter? Should I not stay in the same room as him alone again? Please, somebody help!

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now and we have had our share of ups and downs. I have been cheated on and abused by the men in all my past serious relationships so when I found my boyfriend that I have now and saw how good he was to me I considered myself so lucky and told myself that I finally found a good man that I wasn’t going to let go or push away because of my insecurities, but..... then he moved in with me about 2-3 months after we started dating and things got rough. We hardly ever have sex and it has been that way since the beginning and I just figured that he wasn’t a very sexual guy or that being in his thirties that his sex drive was low. When I finally couldn’t take it anymore I spoke up. Now neither of us were working outside of the home and we were together all the time so I knew that he wasn't cheating, so what was the reason we weren’t having sex? My questioning this started a huge fight and he finally admitted to the fact that he was a very visual person sexually and because of my insecurities about my body that he found it hard to have sex with me so I got defensive and he started saying mean things like the fact that he wasn't attracted to my body and that I needed to do something about it. I know that im heavy but I use to be a lot heavier and have lost a ton of weight, so a lot of my weight was ugly extra skin and I really can't blame him, it was very unattractive. So I made the decision to get plastic surgery. I had an arm lift and a tummy tuck. But still things haven’t changed. Also about 8 months into our relationship I found two email (one from 5 months into our relationship and one form 6 months in) they were to his ex girlfriend that lives out of state. They said how much he loved her and that he always would, that her and her son meant everything to him and that he was sure he was going to spend the rest of his life alone, also that he thought about her every day! Wtf? I confronted him and his excuse was that we had gotten into a big fight and he was unsure where we were headed and also that we weren’t dating that long so I guess he was trying to say that he didn’t feel the need to be committed yet? I was mad, sad and hurt. He deleted the messages and also erased her from his contacts telling me that he wouldn’t talk to her again. And gave me his password to his email. Telling me he was sorry and that I could trust him. I haven’t found anything since. Now he just got a job doing construction and he found out that he is going to have to go away for work for anywhere form one to three weeks at a time, out of state. He doesn’t seem very happy about having to go but it is good money so he agreed, but im so afraid he is going to be cheating on me while he is away. Should I be concerned? Is he already cheating on me? I should also mention that he brings his I pad into the bathroom on several occasions and watches porn 2 “pleasure himself”. I have a big problem with this considering the fact that we only have sex about once every 2-4 weeks. Not normal. Another thing is that I put a kink note in his luck about what I wanted to do to him when he got home and that whole night he didn't bring it up till I asked if he got it. He said yes and that was it. When we went to bed he said “will you be upset if we just go to sleep im just really tired” What is wrong with me? Am I a fool, am I being to paranoid? Im so confused and have enough self esteem issues as it is. I need LOTS of advice, I don’t want him to leave me. He is great with my 7 year old daughter an she loves him. He shows my parents a lot of respect and they also love him and think he is great, he does everything around the house and takes good care of us. We get along and have fun when we are together for the most part. We have only been on two dates. Is he embarrassed to be seen with me? He says that’s not the reason, that we are just too busy. He bought me a beautiful diamond necklace and always talks about our future. But I guess my biggest problem is the lack of sex or the desire he has for me. He has been with a lot of women so I know he isn't gay, it's just me. PLEASE HELP! I think about it and his emails to his ex every day and can't get it out of my mind. I’m sick to my stomach and usually cry in private every day about his lack of intimacy with me wondering why, and what is wrong with me :( I have never had this problem and have had great sex in the past. And am use to having sex atleat three times a week. He says that I associate sex to mean love and that’s not the way to look at it. I need to figure this out before I go even more insane and it consumes even more of my life...............

hi me and my husband are in different country. he came to visit me and things were all well. before his visit and after his visit he doubts me blames me like i am in relation with other guys i tried clear him but of no vain and i found himself talking to a girl on facebook but when he has been caught he has changed the password. i fought with him but he acted opposite rather than clarifying himself he started blaming me and ignored his mistake. how should i react and response and what should i do to make him love me.

Well i need some advice....So im 18 in my freshman year in college, and im very concerned for my mom. I found out that my dad is cheating on her(i found out like a year ago so i dont know how long this has been going on). Well i have my evidence and stuff, but i dont want to tell anyone cause then it'll cause problems, and i have a little brother and i dont wanna put him through this, my mom is stressed and stuffed already. My dad is just a complete ass about everything, my mom always tries to call him when he just randomly disappears and he never answers. I just feel bad for mom and i just dont know what to do...this affects everyone in the family and im just so confused.... ;-; help?

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