Friendship 101 7 Things to Avoid ...

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Girls and guys both like to gossip and, let’s face it, a dose of healthy news-oriented gossips can’t hurt. However, gossips that involve friends and their secrets are strictly prohibited. Every group has its “gossiper in chief” – the person that nobody trusts because they know everything they say will be passed on, twisted and used against them or all of the above. Don’t let yourself become that person.

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Superficial, “Now I see you, tomorrow I don’t” friendships can handle a dose of selfishness. However, if your goal is a sustainable, real friendship, you have to be prepared to both talk and listen. And I mean really listen! Caring is something you can’t fake – the lack of it can seriously injure your current friendship and make finding new, real friends very difficult. I, for example, was shocked to realize that my BFF was the one that didn’t care about me while the girl I’ve considered a casual friend always asked how are things. And not just that, the other girl REMEMBERED stuff I have been telling her before and never forgot to ask how this or that turned out.

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Friends-for-life are like spouses. They take a silent oath to be there for each other in all times –for better or worse, in sickness and in health, regardless of the financial situation. I, for example, have only two friends I know I could call any time of the day or night and say “Be there ASAP, I need you!” Being able to count on the person, you call “ best friend” is very important and it doesn’t only involve critical situations but normal, everyday stuff too. My ex-BFF, for example, failed to show up for 2/3 of our arrangements and she was more than 30 minutes late for the other 1/3. Needless to say, I’ve stopped making any plans that involve her.

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Observe your friendships as intimate relationships because, even though you don’t kiss or share the same bed, there are a lot of emotions involved. After all, your boyfriends is allowed to have friends so it’s also normal for your friends to have other people in their lives too. Try to put yourself in that position and think how would you feel if you had a friend that’s constantly nagging, making jealous scenes or freaks out whenever you mention other people you hang out with.

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As long as you’re a team player being competitive doesn’t make you a bad friend but once you cross that line and start being “in it to win it” the real friendship stops. You should be truly happy for your friends, wish them all the best, give them the best advice you can think of and be there to catch them if they fall. And you should expect the same in return. Friendship is not a popularity contest, in fact, it’s not a contest of any kind. If you don’t find good words to say when your friend gets a promotion or buys a new dress, somebody else will.

Photo Credit:Gabriela Camerotti

Friendship is not a one-way street so make sure you appreciate the things your friends do for you and return the favor whenever you can. I, for example, don’t mind sharing my stuff as long as they are returned to me on time and looking the way they did when I gave them. However, I do expect is a simple “Thank you” and the same treatment in case I ever need a similar favor. You can’t just take and take, sometimes you have to give too!

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Long friendships are bound to suffer some changes. You can’t stay 17 forever and sooner or later careers, marriages and kids will become more of a “natural course of things” than a “distant future”. You have to understand that you won’t be able to see each other as often as you’ve used to but that doesn’t mean a friendship should end there. Maybe your BFF got married and you are still rocking your “single” nametag and have no plans of changing it in the near future? Her “I” became “We” and, this time, that “We” doesn’t involve you and her? Well, that’s something you both have to work on – you have to deal with her new life and she has to find a way to fit you in it. If you two have no common interests, common friends or a desire to adapt, there’s not much that can be done.

Now, tell me, did this help you discover the mistakes made by you or any of your friends? How had do you find dealing with your friends? How often do you get disappointed in people you considered friends?

Top Photo Credit: Jeff Bauche._.·´¯)