Well, here comes Christmas again, and with it a long list of children to buy presents for. But what do you get them? If you’re a bit evil, like me, you buy something that the kids will enjoy, but the parents will not …
N.B These tips are only to be followed if you do not have kids of your own, otherwise the parents will surely return the favour.
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Glitter
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Photo Credit: Melissa Machay
This is possibly the most evil gift one could possibly buy. I can tell you from experience that it makes the most appalling mess, and there is absolutely no way that the parents will be able to clear it all up when it invariably gets spilt everywhere. They’ll be vacuuming it up for weeks …
Play-Doh
This is the second most evil present. We all know how Play-Doh mixes together into that muddy brown – well, it also has the most amazing ability to stick to everything. Just watch as the hapless parents try to pick it out of their hair.
Frequently asked questions
Drums
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Photo Credit: Rigib
The classic present to buy for the kids of someone you do not actually like very much. Did your older brother torment you when you were children? Well, big bro will find out that you have a very long memory when his own offspring unwrap a drum kit.
Talking Doll/Toy
Imagine this scenario. Child unwraps talking doll from you. Parents’ faces fall, as they realise they will have to listen to the same speech incessantly. Parents lie and say they have no batteries. Child produces multipack that you have helpfully enclosed. Haha.
Part One …
Buy something that is the first part of a collection, or that has many accessories and related products, and pester power will ensure that the parents go bankrupt. The child will not be happy with just the basics, and will want everything else that goes with it. Ker-ching!
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Whistles or Toy Flutes
If you have any degree of conscience, accompany these with a packet of headache pills for the parents. The chances of them getting a headache from the constant repetitive shrill blowing of the whistle are extremely high, and they will be hearing it in their head night and day.
Beads
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Photo Credit: Willowpoppy
A very popular gift for young girls … to the annoyance of parents everywhere. Like glitter, the chances of them being spilled are very high. The smaller, the better, as the lack of juvenile hand-eye coordination will send them flying all over the room, and the parents will never manage to locate all of them.
Paints or Crayons
Buy these for a small child and helpfully point out that they are non-toxic. This will disguise your true evil intent – to ensure that the walls of the house end up painted by the toddler version of Van Gogh. Especially mean if the house has just been decorated.
Has anyone ever bought your kids a present that has driven you insane, and do you think that it was done on purpose? Do you try to find the most annoying present you can for other people’s kids?
Top Photo Credit: KnittySara
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