1. Why me…
The inevitable first question to pop up in your mind will be: Why me?! If your ex felt the need to go behind your back to be with someone else, there must be something wrong with you, right?
WRONG!
As I see it, sure my ego has taken a huge hit and I can come up with a thousand reasons as to why I am to blame. But trust me honey, if my ex cheated on me, chances are he needed no reason to do so.
All that self hate that follows is only the result of a broken heart and can you blame me? No! The point is our relationship might have been going through the worst possible phase but even that’s no excuse for my ex to do what he did.
So what do I do? I have to stop mulling over it. I am not at fault. And he was not good enough for me. No one who cheats ever is. The sooner I accept that, the sooner I will get over it.
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2. Mourning…
This is undoubtedly the worst phase of the “recovery” process. And we’ve all been there. Sometimes it’s so bad that I feel like I have hit rockbottom. But I remember what a friend once told me, “Remember the silver lining… everything from now is only going to go uphill.”
We all have our own ways of mourning. For me, it is to literally do what my heart desires at that moment. I like being alone and shutting myself off from the rest of the world… sitting in my room and bawling my eyes out while watching sappy romantic classics.
I’ve even tried burning my ex’s pictures which trust me, made me feel a whole lot better. But all these are temporary solutions . I wish I could think of something more long-termed. Any thoughts?
3. Acceptance…
Once your done mourning, accept the breakup. Accept that it is over. I have found that this really is my first big step towards healing.
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4. Distractions…
What in the world would we do without friends? I mean really! Everytime, I have had a horrible breakup, I call my best friends and even if we do nothing but sit and talk, it makes me feel a whole lot better!
I know that my loved ones are always going to be around to watch my back…specially when I need it the most. So I surround myself with them. You should too. Go out with the girls. Party it up. Have fun! I once got two hamsters to cheer myself up and guess what…it really took my mind off my ex! Take up a new hobby. Take a trip! Anything to get the mind off the ex.
And please avoid places that remind you of your ex. Sometimes, it’s unavoidable, specially if like my ex and me you go to the same school… But try your best! The idea is to distract yourself so that when you eventually think of your ex, it would have been so long that you won’t feel all that bad! It’s worked for me in the past. How about you?
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its so true…
im mulling over and over abt “MY FAULT” every second once i opened my eyes in the morning, and he also told me there must be sth wrong btw us, that’s why that gal come into us SO EASY!!! and i reli believe that there must be something wrong with me!!!
im so stupid and even beg him to open up a conversation abt that, i know he’s not coming back, but i reli wanna know “my problem”, coz i dont want to make the same “mistake” again in my next relationship!!!
its already 3 months ago…and im much better now…and i found the only reason that makes we over is HIS FAULT…but not mine!!
GALS!!! BE STRONG…
I’m so glad that your over it honey! really…
just found out my partner of 8 years has been cheating on me with prostitutes. i found out on his e-mail to his friend, stating that they are really good fun and he does it a lot, he also told his friend not to say anything to me! lol, but he didnt delete it!
we have a 3 year old together and i dont no what to do all i do is cry and cry i dont no if i should stay or go. he says that he made it up as he was showing of to his friend!!! that hurts more as he continues to lie about it!!!
Awww Katie, that’s terrible! It’s terrible that your guy has a hard time staying faithful when you have a child together. But I think you should not stay ONLY because you want a complete family for your child. It’s a bad idea to stay in a relationship full of lies and infidelity because this will hurt your child in the long run. For more ideas, you can approach a counselor about your situation. I hope you find help soon!
I dated my first real love and high school sweetheart for 3years. He cheated on me but I was in denial, especially since he wouldn’t admit it. I went to the same college as him to be with him since he’s a year older than me and everything seemed like it would be ok. It wasn’t, i could never trust me no matter what and he always lied and sounded so convincing. We finally broke up becdause I found out he cheated on me a lot more than I had heard and now we don’t talk or anything but live in the same aprtment complex. Its so hard without him sometimes I just think of the good times and cry but your advice is really helpful. I just want him to regret everything he did to hurt me even though we probably won’t talk after our bad break up.
My first love.. cheated on me several times, always accused me of cheating, abusive and controlling. what a gem he was. I loved him so so much, my first relationship.. my first concept of love. I wanted so bad for it to work I would forget about all the bad things he had done. Can’t say i ever forgave him, but i just forgot about them. It came to the point there was no trust at all in the relationship. We became inseperable.. not because of our infatuation, but because any second the other spent away, one party was paranoid they were doing something wrong. Ridiculous.
When we were going through our breakup.. i wanted him back, i still, wanted everything to work. Happy ending? I tried.
& he said to me.. “after everything i’ve done to you, you still want me? I can’t respect you, if you can’t respect yourself”
Shattered me!! Has taken me a long long while to get over that relationship. But im here. Happy as ever, and i’ve met a guy who is honestly, fantastic!
My ex taught me a lesson, or two, one thing to thank him for.
My fiance cheated on me with his exwife from 12 years ago. He says its because we had no sex life- were both christian and wanted to wait til we were married. He moved and is saying “maybe down the road” but i dont know how to move on. Its also hard because i have a 4yr old daughter that was so attchd to him. Please help!
i was with a lad who was 21, for 6 months, and he cheeted on me with his ex gf, yet in the begining had left her to be with me. i onli found out about his cheeting 5days ago and since then he has got back into a relationship with his ex as she is pregnant with his child and fell pregnant while i was still with him. i dont blame myself for what he has done, and have told him i forgive him, and understand why he done it. but everyone keeps seying im finding excuses within myself to explain why he has hurt me as he wont explain things to me. but truthfully i jus want him back! i know his not worth it, but my feelings for him havent suddenly changed x
WOMEN WOMEN WOMEN..! YES WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE. YES IT HURTS AND YES ITS TOUGH. EVEN MORE SO IF A CHILD IS INVOLVED.
TO BE HONEST THOSE WHO SAY GET RID OF EVERYTHING THAT REMINDS U OF HIM IS A BIT DRASTIC … BECAUSE REALISTICALLY EVERYTHING AT THESE TIMES CAN REMIND US OF AN ‘EX’…
YOU NEED TO SEEK CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF. LET GO OF THE HURT HE CAUSED. ITS ALL A LESSON LEARNED AND I HATE THIS CLICHE’ BUT ITS SO TRUE.
US WOMEN GENERALLY WANT SOMETHING IN MEN WERE LACKIN.
WE R FUNNY CREATURES. WE WANT SOMEONE WHO IS RELIGIOUS BUT WE DONT PRAY. WE WANT SOME PHYSICALLY FIT BUT WE DONT WORK OUT.
WE WANT SOMEONE WHO HAS CASH, BUT WERE BROKE. IM SURE YOU GOT MY DRIFT.
A MAN WHO CHEATS IS A LIAR AND THATS HIS LOSS.
HE MESSES UP AND U TAKE HIM BACK. HE MESSES UP AGAIN AND U FIGHT WITH HIM AND TAKE HIM BACK. YOU SEE THE PATTERN HERE.
THERE IS A WORLD OF REAL GOOD MEN OUT THERE.
BUT LETS FACE IT, THERES SO MUCH MORE TO LIFE THEN JUST RELATIONSHIPS AND DRAMA.
DO NOT FUEL THE SITUATION. ITS A ‘HAIRFLIP’ MOMENT.
YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS.
MOULD YOURSELF INTO THE WOMAN U WANT TO BE. IF YOUR OVER WEIGHT, GO SIGN UP FOR A GYM. IF YOU WANT MONEY GO GET THAT JOB.
YOU CAN DO IT. DO NOT DISTRACT YOURSELF WITH THIS NEGATIVTY BEFORE YOU KNOW IT
LIFE IS OVER….
WHO DO U WANA BE?
Thanks Sheila and Mama Jay! Those were good words.
I just gotta remind myself these steps over and over again.
My ex never physically cheated on me with anyone, but he pretty much had another girlfriend from Norway who he’d chat with and talk on the phone with and even called babe.
It really hurt, but I still forgave him back and ended things with that other girl.
But he still talked to girls over and over again online. He would chat with them, talk on the phone etc.
Yet I accepted him back over and over again. Well I am finally sick of it, and just gotta remind myself these steps!! I gotta be strong!!
Dear Pat,
Meeting a new guy could be a great help in forgetting your ex! I know you might not feel like dating now, but it really helps to get your groove back when there’s a new man in your life who actually appreciates you… It shouldn’t be anything serious, just something that’ll help your clear your head and stop thinking about the ex.
Its been 1 month since my break up. I never caught my bf in the act of cheatin but I found evidence. I confronted him with it, at the beginning he denied til he couldnt no more and then finally admitted it. I asked why…there was no explanation. He couldnt tell me why. all he said to me was “you havent done anything wrong” then he acted like nothing, he didnt show no emotion, there was no sense of guilt or remorse. I was devastated…his lack of emotion made it worse for me. I cried my head out the first week but after that for some strange reason I started smiling again. I guess because I had released all the pain thru tears n by talkin to my closest friends. That really helped alot. Plus it helped me to think back n realize that he wasnt worth it for me, that i deserve much better. Taking the time to meditate n analyze things kinda help boost my self esteem. Even though I still love him n I do miss him I know there is no way in hell for a possible reconciliation. Even if he repents n tries to come back to me. Now I think I gotta work on my trust issues. But so far I think I been doing better than I had expected. It helps to distract yourself and do different things. oh also the fact that I got rid of everything that belonged to him or reminded me of him that same day…has helped me tremendously! I cut him off completely, no phonecalls or texts or emails. I deleted n threw out all our pictures together n it felt soooo good!! lol Even though there are times when im tempted to reach out to him but then I remind myself of what happened so the thought leaves my mind. Plus I have dignity n I will not go after a cheating liar. I know there’s plenty of quality men out there so no need to worry! I agree w mama jay!!!
HOLA CHICKAS…
ITS MAMA JAY. THANKYOU.
BE STRONG! JUST THINK OF YOUR SITUATION AS IF IT WAS A FRIENDS PROBLEM WHAT WOULD YOU TELL HER TO DO?
BE HAPPY THAT YOUVE TAKEN THE FIRST STEP BY RECOGNISIN WHAT HES DONE. I MEAN WHY ARE WE ALL HERE ANYWAY?
REMEMBER THAT LIFE IS TOO SHORT FOR THESE DRAMAS AND REMIND YOURSELF OF THIS SAYING;
”CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS, THEN CHANGE YOUR WORLD”
XX YOU CAN DO IT.. XX
BROOKC_1@HOMTAIL.CO.UK
MAMA JAY HERE FOR U LADIES.
ADIOS BONITASSSS
Had a 1 year relationship with the “love of my life”..
everything was going great, until a couple of months before our 1 year anniversary, i was really busy trying to get into a college (abroad, so i had to study a different language) and wasn’t as attentive as always i guess…
she met some other guy, and they kept mailing, he flirted alot with her and she’d tell me he was offering to buy her drinks and lunch and what not… i told her i didn’t like it…
then a couple of weeks later i get a phone call from the college, i’ve been accepted, i’m really happy so i try to call her and tell her the good news. But her phone is turned off, for the whole night… i reach her the next day, and we meet up to celebrate her birthday, i realize something is wrong but can’t tell for sure what’s going on. The next day she calls me, tells me she’s cheated on me with this guy who was offering to buy her drinks and what not.
I remember once before, when she was really drunk and started trying to kiss my friends in front of me, and get really hurt because i trusted her not to do something like that again.
Yet she did, she tells me she wants to break up, and that this guy hasn’t got anything to do with it, and that we should stay as friends.
We had an arguement and i don’t call her for 3 days or so… then she calls me and says she wants together with me again…
i really did love her so i, in my stupidity get back together with her, until i find out she’s still mailing and calling this guy…
i’m still heartbroken 4 months later.
And all the stress made me quit college and i’m back in my home country and hating it… i thought it’d be easier if i went back…
well… don’t know, maybe things will get better and i need to stop crying and move on.
to Mike:
Oh, what your ex girlfriend did to you sounds so awful … Are you guys still communicating? Is there any chance you can go back to school abroad?
Hi olga Moore…
no we are not…
She wanted to be friends, but she was with this guy she cheated on me with, they went “official” 2 days after she broke up with me…
I lost it mentally, my father was/got ill, at least i found out, and i couldn’t get over her… i thought if i went back to my country, it would be easier, i’d have friends and family…
i took it really hard.
i think there’s no chance for me to get back to school abroad…
i don’t know, i’ve used my opportunities for visa at this point, unless i get a spouse visa, but i don’t think that’ll happen anytime soon.
Oh, that is SO, SO very sad… :(
I would not waste any more time on this girl, my friend. I know it’s easier said than done, when it comes to moving on, but with everyone it’s different, some people can forget about the break-up in a few months, and it takes other people a couple of years to forget about their former lovers. I think you just need to take it slow. Go on with your life, do the things that make you happy and somewhere along you’ll meet that one and only person who’ll bring you back to life.
That’s what happened to me. And now when I look back at the past and think about the person who once broke my heart, I feel nothing, as with time came an understanding that if not for that person and his betrayal, I would have never met my husband and I would have never fallen in love again.
Only in comparison we can tell good from bad, you had your plate-full of “bad” and now comes the time for the “good”. So, please, stay strong and just see what happens, the worst is already behind you.
Stay strong!
…mm,
how about getting mails from the guy she’s fucking telling me to stop crying and man up, that i should get over her and that she’s cheating on him too but that he doesn’t mind ?
and to be honest, i want to get over the shit fast, but i’m on a long rough ride i think.
some days are okay though.
to Mike:
The guy has the nerve to actually contact you? Oh, man, I’d run from both of them as far as possible…
You’ll be fine, just wait and you’ll see, seriously :)
I was with my man for four years. We have a son together that is two. I found out about a week ago he was cheating on me and had another girl 3 months pregnant. He denied it for awhile, and finally admited he did it and said he was sorry and really diddn’t want to hurt me. He tried to turn around the situation and blame me for all his unhappiness. I’m not believing that it was my fault, but I am hurt beyond belief, as many of you are. The unfortuante part is I have to keep this man, that I planned to marry and hurt me so bad, in my life because of our son. He is a very good father, I will give him that. I am trying to get through this, any suggestions on how to get over him but keep communication for my son.