Your Sexual Reputation Hand-written Thank You Notes and Other Old-fashioned Things

Annie

Your Sexual Reputation Hand-written Thank You Notes and Other Old-fashioned Things
Your Sexual Reputation Hand-written Thank You Notes and Other Old-fashioned Things

β€œI don’t believe in email. I’m an old-fashioned girl. Iprefer calling and hanging up.” (Sarah Jessica Parker)

β€œIt is better to be old-fashioned and right than to be up-to-dateand wrong.” (Tiorio, an ethical philosopher type)

According to the dictionary, an old-fashioned person favors ideas, customs, and styles of days gone by.

I'm waiting for someone to call me old-fashionedfor the ultra-fem, vintage clothing pieces I sometimes wear. But it's never happened.

Yet a man once told me that I wasbehind the times, based on my sexual decision making. In this case, mycalm decision to indefinitely delay his timeline -- of having sex after twowhole dinners out together -- seemed old-fashioned to him.

Well. Here I thought I was an old-fashioned girl for things like hand-writing thank you notes, and for refusing to date and breakup by abbreviated text messages.

Not for genuinely choosing what I wanted, or didn't want, with a man after two dates.

Like a lot of women, I'm a mix of the old and the new. For instance, some modern, colorful, unlady-like language passes my lips occasionally. More than occasionally, to be honest. I've also asked out a man or two in my time.

And that is the point. I should be able to mix it up -- old and new -- and be who I am naturally.

But for women, when it comes to sexual expression and experience, the reality is that we can still get a "reputation" in a different way than our male counterparts do.

That's why, depending on the man and the situation, we run the risk of being more damned if we do than if we don't.

So I ask you:

Is the idea of a woman's "bad" sexual reputation so old-fashioned in this modern world that you reject it outright?

Or are you conscious of, and concerned about, the way men perceive you as a sexual being?

---

And...do you hand-write thank you notes.

Feedback Junction

Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

Very interesting question. I will answer on sexual reputation only. I am going to give you the truth from a male prospective. Every man has a madonna whore complex. Which is to say that he wants a woman who is virginal yet a extremely sexually uninhibited. Sounds confusing and like a narrow line for women to walk but it is pretty straight forword. Evolutionarly speaking the worst thing that can happen to a man is that his woman cheats on him and he does'nt know so there for rasises someone elses child.(Note if she already has a chid there is no shame for the man or the woman) So men have learned to screen women to minimise the likley hood that he ends up with a woman like that.(how humiliating) To make this process easier labels like the word slut are used by men. But then something happened!! Men realized that if they judged women sexually they(the men) did not get sex. So that is where we are today. Men pretend that a womens sexual reputation is a non issue, to womens faces but inside they are dying. And words like slut are now used by women to conrtol women. It serves them evolutionarly. So there are two parts to a womans sexual reputation. The first is how sexual you are towards the man in question. The second is the man's preception of how you behave sexually towards other men(competition). The easy answer is to be aggressive towards the man and nonreactive towards other men. Once a man sees that he will consider you a canndidate for a committed relationship. Even if it is just a one night stand he will respect you more for remaining nonreactive towards other guys. Rember the male ego is big and fragile. So there you have it. Men judge women sexually based on how the women interacts with his compitition. This will never change. It is not old fashoned. It is evolutionarly hard wired into our being. Now 2 dinner dates without any action could likely be considered old fashoned. Men can not handle it when women act sexual towards another man. He cant for get it either. The fear builds up and he cheats on her. So putting your sexual reputation on the line in order to test a mans dominance has a utilitarian function for one night stantd but is death to any meaningful relationship. -- Ray --

This is a general answer I use the word "you" to make it more readable. With many men there is nothing you can do to make them comfortable with your sexual experience. Lying about or omitting parts of your past can work but it will likely be found out. However If it would make Ron Jeremy blush, leave it out. If it happened on vacation leave it out. Rember guys you met at the beach don't count. It is not lying if bring it up is just going to cause a fight. In short never bring it up. If a guy you are in a relationship with has jealousey issues becouse of past guys the problem is already at it's biggest point. All one can do is try to make it less emotional in his mind. Rule 1 dont bring it up ever. Rule 2 If it is brought up mention how bad he was in bed. Rule 3 never give detail. Rule 4 when he gets mad bring up the fact that you never did that, that and that ( sexual taboos that you did with him) with anyone but him. Rule 5 do sexual taboos with him to make rule 4 work but only if you know he is the one. This will convince him he is special. Much of this comes from men being clueless as why women will have sex with a man. What word does he use do describe the guys you have been attracted to in the past? That is the word he feels lumped in the catagory of by being with you. So if he uses the word "jerk" to describe other men. You should dismissily use the word to describe them. then look into his eyes and tell him how glad you are to find someone who is not a jerk. As an added bonus say " I wish we would have met years ago" use the word destiny to describe the two of you. The worst question. So why did you have sex with him? The worst answer is "because he is such a bad ass" the second worst is "I just wanted to experiment" third worst "I liked him" A better answer is " I was drunk and it was so dark" just keep repeting drunk and dark. another good answer is " we were going out for a few weeks before anything happend" make sure the other guy had to wait longer for sex. -- Ray --

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