You Can't Stop Thinking about Him ...


You Can't Stop Thinking about Him ...
You Can't Stop Thinking about Him ...

"Obsession" sounds so…….extreme.

Sometimes though, when you have a new man on your mind, thereality is that you are a woman obsessed:
• you wake up to the thought of him• you keep re-playing in your mind the last contact you twohad• at least once an hour you wonder where he is and what he’sdoing• all songs remind you of what it’s like to be with him, orwithout him• if a phone call, text message, or email isn’t from him, you're disappointed• one minute you’re certain that he wants you as much as you want him, the next minute you’re imagining that he doesn’t want you at all• you wear your friends out talking about him• you feel out-of-control and, at the same time, incredibly alive• as you drift off to sleep at night, you imagine him in bed besideyou

If this is how you’re feeling, I’d never dream of talking you out of it! Falling in love, or in lust, is one of the mostintense, wonderful, and crazy-making experiences you get to have.

But please. Don’t allow it to make you act like you're crazy.

Even for a smart, otherwise reasonable woman, obsessive thinking about a new man in her life can quickly turn into a fatal attraction reaction.


Start with any unresolved, nagging insecurities you might have in general, or with that man in particular. Then, add an unrealistic expectation of how emotionally close you and he already are.

And craziness is on the way.

You, pushing him for reassurances and frequent contact to chase away your insecurities. You, acting like the two of you are a couple when you're still just getting to know each other. You, telling him [oh no!] how you can't stop thinking about him.

Physical attraction has a way of fooling you into thinking that you're close to and familiar with each other, even during the first several months when you're still pretty much strangers. Sex intensifies that sensation. With the help of a hormone called oxytocin, which is released during orgasm, both men and women experience more intense feelings of bonding with their sexual partner.

But there's a twist. Testosterone production in men apparently helps counteract those "getting closer" feelings.

Which means that if you weren't already obsessing about him BEFORE sex, you're even more likely to be obsessing about him AFTER sex. And chances are good that he's not obsessing about you in the same way.

Like I'm always pounding on about: there are so many good reasons to wait a while to have sex. Now you know one more.

Still, a surge of oxytocin isn't the only thing that can bring on a woman's fatal attraction reaction.

Obsessive thinking over a new man during the first several months of dating turns ugly so often because we've forgotten something: the art of savoring the experience of falling in love.

Instead, we're impatient. For emotional connection. To be part of a couple. To be able to say, "He's mine," if only to justify our decision to sleep with him in the first place!

Meanwhile, we're missing the pleasures of revealing ourselves more slowly, of not knowing what comes next with a man -- at least for the first three or four months of "courting" and getting to know each other.

What do you think. Can you wait that long?

And would the average man perhaps like that timeline, too...

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Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

I've been going through this all week....its driving me crazy!!! I like this guy, and he's allllwaaayyysss flirting with me, and hugging me and stuff, but he has a girlfriend, who goes to a different school, and he says he's going to break up with her soon. I've known him since last year, but just this past month i started to like him. I haven't even told my friends yet, because i'm afraid of what they'll think because he's like a best friend to all of us. I really think he likes me, and this is the first time i like a guy that might actually like me back, and i'm in pathetic is that :/

I met this guy online, he is newly seperated divorce will be final next month but marriage has been over for 2 yrs. We have a few mutual friends and this all checks out, they also say he is an amazing man and we would be great. We've been talking almost a month and have gone out 3 times. He told me from the start he wanted to take things slow and although the marriage was over he doesn't want to break HIS vows, again this checks out with what our friends say. He has told several people that he likes me and wants to get to know me, he has talked about future dates and his daughter even told me he likes me but the messaging has become non-exsistant and he updated his profile. Ofcourse I am confused, we kissed once and we both agreed that was wrong. I AM obsessing over him I know this I want to go slow and build but I have never done this. I understand his need to date and have quietly encouraged this and I do believe he needs to, I don't want to be "the rebound" but I also don't want him to. Any advice?!

Sheila, i have a HUGE crush on this guy but he's an upperclassmen and we have barely spoken he looks at me sometimes and smiles but what does it mean? Is he just being polite? Anyways i dont even know how to approach him cause he is really shy! I dont know what to

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