I just had the two worst hair days of my life, back to back. After six months without so much as a trim, I finally gave up on thinking I'd get to Portland any time soon to see Rabecka, took a deep breath, and booked an appointment at Moxie Parlor in San Francisco. The cut looked okay for about half an hour, then things began to sproing here and pffft there, turning after a wash into what you see on the left: drab, droopy, cocker spaniel ears and weird clumps of bangs that poked me in the eye on one side and stuck straight out on the other. Sleeping on it didn't help. So I called the swanky Suite 5 in Union Square and booked a same-day emergency appointment. The addition of some layers to my "dog ears" helped a lot, and I felt mollified, but woke up to find that again the weird clumpy bangs had reappeared, and the top of my shag looked like a mushroom cap.

Life has not been easy of late, so it seemed as good an excuse as any to sit down and sob for an hour. At the end of which I felt washed free of all emotion... including fear. Having nothing to lose, I thought I might as well pull a Travis Bickle. So I plugged in the cordless clippers to charge (figuring a mohawk would be a great last resort, with or without shooting spree), and had a go at myself with a pair of dull office scissors.

The results are on the right. Not bad, eh? Wish I still had my $200+, but maybe it was worth it for the good cry.

I have also learned that fire-engine red lipstick is a great way of distracting the eye from a bad haircut. This is MAC Mattene in Classic Dame, which wears like lip balm, lighter than a conventional lipstick but with a helluva lot of pigment.