**By Kathleen Ingraham **
In the past week I have lost two comforts of my life: my job and my boyfriend. In both situations I was told that it was nothing I did wrong. The principal at my school explained to me that they were reorganizing the staff and that there wouldnât be a position open for me. My boyfriend told me that I didnât do anything wrong, he just didnât feel the things a boyfriend should. But as each began to explain how I was no longer needed in their lives I couldnât help but wonder:** If I had done better could I have saved my job/boyfriend?**
I began wondering if that one time in January when I took a 35 minute lunch instead of a 30 minute lunch hadnât been as sly as I had thought. I began to wish that I had never gotten mad at my boyfriend when he teased me or didnât call back right away. I began to wish I had appreciated my job a little more and told my boyfriend how lucky I felt to be with him every second I had the chance. I kept hoping for a second chance, from either of them.
Tomorrow is the last day of school. My ex-boyfriend wonât even speak to me. The second chance I desire is not going to happen. Deep down in my heart I know this. But then one of my kids will present me with the cutest drawing of a lion and the hurt of knowing that I wonât get to see her succeed next year will be almost too much too handle. Or Iâll find my ex-boyfriends sweatshirt in my car and fight back tears as I realize heâll never again ask me if Iâm cold and my heart just wonât let me accept that it is over.
I hate change. Iâve never been one to look forward to new things because to be honest, I scare easily. My principal told me heâd make phone calls to other principals to help me find a new job. And my friends keep telling me that my ex-boyfriend really cared about me and someday maybe we can meet again, catch up on life and become friendly. I take comfort in these thoughts. I also take comfort in the knowledge that with time things get easier. I know this and I know that there will be other boys, other jobs and other kids who need my help.** This will get me through the dayâŚ**
Until Ryan tells me a joke at lunch and Iâll laugh so hard that Iâll want to tell a certain boy.
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