First off, in honor of gender equality, let me say that girlfriends can be hermits too. And I am also not poking fun at legitimate agoraphobia or anything like that. But surely some, if not all, of you know how it goes: whether you say hermit, homebody, or “indoor significant other,” you know or have dated somebody who never wants to go anywhere or do anything. How do you know? Well, these 8 ways to tell if your boyfriend's a hermit can probably help.
You have date someone like this, or have a friend like this, but you know what it means. Boyfriend spends all his time on Facebook. His idea of a hot Friday night is updating his status or changing his profile picture. All his friends seem to be on Facebook – the friends he never actually goes out to see. And, strangely, your relationship sounds way better in his status updates than it actually is in real life.
I have nothing against playing video games, nothing. But if all your boyfriend does is talk to his buddies on WoW or Xbox or whatever, rather than going out and hanging out with people he can see, there can be a problem. Spending a couple nights a week like this, that's cool – maybe I'm lenient, it might not be cool for you, that's okay. Spending every single night of the week doing this, though, you might have a homebody on your hands.
If you find yourself using that phrase to explain your boyfriend to your friends and family members all the time, you might also be dealing with a homebody. “Oh, he's really nice … once you get to know him.” “Oh, he's super funny … once you get to know him.” “Oh, he's a great guy … once you get to know him.” When your boyfriend shows no interest in letting anyone get to know him … red alert, red alert!
Picture this: you and your boyfriend are finally going out together. In the car on the way there, you get in one of those nitpicking but somehow serious fights. It ends in the two of you turning around and going right back home. Lather, rinse, repeat. If this is a pattern that seems to happen often, there might very well be a reason for it – and it could be deliberate, albeit subconscious.
If you find that you no longer even want to take your boyfriend to parties at work or those thrown by your friends and family, you might need to take a step back. Once it gets to the point where all you think about is how stressful it will be to invite him, how stressful it would be if he comes, and how stressful it would be if he doesn't come, you might want to consider doing something about all that stress.
Venting to your friends about your relationship is common. You need to do that; you have to have other people to talk to about the problems you have. However, if you find yourself complaining about the exact same thing, or constantly saying that you know you need to breakup with him, those are telling signs. Even more telling is if you always end up going home … and hanging out with him on his couch.
Are you constantly making excuses for your boyfriend? Are you constantly telling fibs about his attributes? If you find yourself building up his accomplishments, his interests, his goals, and things like that, to make him sound better to other people or because you don't want to be embarrassed by being honest and saying that his favorite thing to do is hold down the couch, you might be dealing with a homebody.
Does your boyfriend clash with your family and friends? Do you dread knowing that they will be together in the same room? Warning, warning! Not only is this really stressful, but it can be a sign. I know sometimes significant others don't get along with each other's friends, family members, colleagues, and so on, but if your boyfriend doesn't like anyone close to you and if he goes out of his way to stay home and avoid seeing them … well.
Even if this has never happened to you, it's possible that you know someone dating a homebody. The thing is, in and of itself, being a homebody isn't bad. I dig spending nights in – but not every night, and I'm not antisocial about it. Do you know anyone like this? Have any tips on how to broach the subject?
Top Photo Credit: Resquício Burguês
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