Salesmen. They’re like a plague. Forever knocking or calling at the most inopportune time. So here I offer some suggestions on how to get rid of them. You may look like a total loon, but do you really care if the methods succeed?
Refuse to answer the door or phone. Ever.
Photo Credit: Mike Ambach
Answer the door with "Oh, you're here for the orgy then?"
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Act the dimwit and simper "Oh, my husband deals with these things." Always worked for me.
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Stare at them without saying a word. Try not to blink as it’s even more effective then.
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Learn to speak an obscure language and use it. Pretend not to understand a word they say.
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Put on a creepy Norman Bates voice and say "Oh, mother does so enjoy visitors. Mother, there’s another one of those nice salesmen … now have you put the knives away, mother …?"
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If they phone, answer with "I am a recording. If you want to speak to a real person, press nine."
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For religious callers, 1, 2 and 5 will be effective, especially no. 5, as they will think you are possessed.
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Have you got any tried and tested techniques for getting rid of salesmen?
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