Coyness has a time and a place, and for some people it's second nature, part of their personality. However, it can be hard to act coy without coming off as fake or superficial. Why would someone want to be coy? Tons of reasons, really. This focuses mainly on how you can use coy behavior to overcome shyness. The two are interrelated, but coyness can help a shy person overcome their bashful qualities little by little. So, here are 8 ways to be coy without acting fake.
One way to act coy is to refrain from jumping into conversations with people you don't know, or don't know well. If you are in a group of strangers, wait to be introduced before starting a conversation. Coyness often means acting cool, so you never want to seem too eager.
What this means is that you may want to steer clear of certain activities, like wild parties or raves. A cool, coy girl knows how to stand alone without being stand-offish or snotty. She won't be a wallflower, but neither will she go crazy in the middle of the dance floor.
A key to coyness is keeping personal and private details to yourself. Don't get me wrong, it's perfectly acceptable to share these details with those you're closest to, but if you are trying to be coy, you don't want to spill your life's story to people you don't know very well. This is actually often a good idea. For example, it's generally preferable not to divulge information about family problems or relationship issues with your colleagues.
Photo Credit: Desirée Delgado
There is a huge difference between being honestly coy and just trying to behave in a coy manner. Attention grabbers always want to be the center of attention, but coy people rarely want to take center stage. Again, you don't want to be a wallflower, but neither is it important to you to grab everyone else's attention. You typically want to avoid the spotlight.
When you're shy, you often find it difficult to talk a lot anyway, especially in social situations. That's all right, because you can frequently learn more by listening anyway. When you spend your time listening closely and really paying attention to what you are hearing, you definitely won't come off as fake – and you can learn a lot about the people you are with as well.
Body language can often say more than words spoken aloud. Coyness can be all about body language too. Coyness is not about closing yourself off, like crossing your arms over your chest or keeping your head down. Keep your body language open but demure.
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Too many people think that being coy involves batting your eyelashes, twirling your hair, constantly crossing your legs, and so on. If you do those things, that is totally fine, but don't mistake these for coy actions. They can sometimes come off as fake, especially in certain situations.
The fact is, sometimes coyness won't work with everyone. If it doesn't work for you, that's totally cool – but don't force it, just be yourself. When you try to act demure and coy but don't really feel that way, that's when you have to worry about coming off as fake.
Growing up in the south, coyness was second nature for a lot of people. Conversely, I also saw a lot of people fake it. There are places to be coy and places to be outgoing. It really all depends on your personality, and your ability to recognize what works for you and what doesn't. For instance, whenever I try to be coy, it's a total disaster – that's just not me! What about you? Have you ever tried to be something you're not?
Top Photo Credit: gudruncjohnston
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