All Women's Talk

8 Things You Wish You Could Say to That Snarky Colleague ...

By Lyndsie

I do not have snarky colleagues myself. Typically, actually, I am the snarky colleague. However, my poor fiancee works with the biggest jerk in the world. This guy is one of those precious morons who thinks he’s heaven sent to every woman on the planet, always right, and far more valuable to the company than he actually is. This got me thinking about the worst colleagues you can have — and all the things you’d really love to say to them but can’t, unless you’re ready to quit and burn every possible bridge.

1 Who Died and Made You My Boss?

Who Died and Made You My Boss?Photo Credit: slworking2

This colleague has a bad habit of acting like he’s King of the Mountain — and typically, he’s technically your underling! He (or she) will usually be the worst employee in the office, whether due to inexperience or just due to seriously being the worst employee to ever grace the building. He’s so audacious, he’ll even talk back to the boss!

2 You Need to Open Your Mouth a Little Wider when You Speak

You Need to Open Your Mouth a Little Wider when You SpeakPhoto Credit: Devilina07

Ah yes. Shamelessly stolen from the original Willy Wonka, I think this is one of the best insults ever. Technically you can probably get away with saying it, because it’s not overtly insulting. This is for those colleagues who never, ever shut up. They are experts at everything, even though the things they come out with are so far left of the middle, it’s not even funny.

3 You’d Lose Weight if You Got Rid of the Chip on Your Shoulder

You’d Lose Weight if You Got Rid of the Chip on Your ShoulderPhoto Credit: Appleping

You know this colleague too. He or she typically falls into one or more of the “worst colleague in the world” categories, and you often wish you could say several of these things to him or her. There’s just something going on with this guy that makes his personality clash with everyone else’s, and yet, somehow, he always thinks it’s every other person’s problem.

4 What Mommy Issues Made You like This?

What Mommy Issues Made You like This?Photo Credit: Peloria

This is for the colleague, typically a guy, who has no respect for any of the women in the office. He’s either trying to date you or hate you, and will not give credence to anything you say. He interrupts, puts down your work, and if his boss is a woman, he will push the envelope of bad behavior just to prove he’s a manly man and no girl is ever going to tell him what to do, so there.

5 If Brains Were Blasting Powder, You Couldn’t Blow Your Nose

If Brains Were Blasting Powder, You Couldn’t Blow Your NosePhoto Credit: code_martial

Man, I know. Mean, right? But isn’t there someone you work with to whom you’d just love to say this? The colleague who just can’t grasp the simplest concepts — or likes to open his or her mouth and spew a bunch of junk that has no bearing on anything in life. You just sort of want to have thirty pizzas delivered to this colleague’s house or something, just to relieve some of the stress his or her stupidity causes you.

6 McDonald’s is Hiring

McDonald’s is HiringPhoto Credit: xdjio

What? Come on! Some of these people just need to be working the drive-thru window, because at least then, well, they are out of your life, right? You just want to subtly tell the colleague you dislike the most that he doesn’t fit in at the office, he doesn’t know what he’s doing, and he’d be better off making Big Macs.

7 Here’s Some Chapstick for All That Kissing up

Here’s Some Chapstick for All That Kissing upPhoto Credit: osh

Oh man! I hate kiss-ups! As a converted, former teacher’s pet, I now understand why all the kids on the playground has major issues with me. Butt-Kissers are also good at being at tattletales, and thou shalt not suffer a tattletale to get away with that trifling junk.

8 Everybody Hates You

Everybody Hates YouPhoto Credit: taylorkoa22

Don’t you just wish you could say that to the colleague that, oh, nobody in the entire office likes? It would be nice to be that honest, even if it’s not nice, just because, hey, maybe knowing the truth would make this colleague change. But actually, the dude would probably just go tattle.

There are always times you wish you could say the most verboten thing to somebody you dislike. At the very least, it would be a huge stress reliever. But since you can’t say it at work, why not sound off here? What are you dying to say to the coworkers you can’t stand?

Top Photo Credit: LookingSmug

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