While there is nothing wrong with being kind and considerate to the feelings of others, there comes a point in your life when you need to stop trying to please everyone. You will never be able to make everyone happy no matter how hard you try so stop stressing and enjoy your life! Here’s how!
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Probably the most obvious and the quickest way to overcome people pleasing is learning the power of the word no. It’s simple. To figure out if you should say no just ask yourself “ if I say yes, will I regret committing to this later on?” If the answer is yes, then say no! You can’t stop your life so it can revolve around someone else’s.
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No, you don’t have to be selfish. And you certainly shouldn’t try to find 4 hours of “me-time” every day. But there’s nothing wrong with taking a few hours each week to do something relaxing for yourself and forget about pleasing others. Focus on making “you” happy!
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It’s perfectly acceptable to do favors for others on occasion. But you can’t do that all the time; otherwise you will be stressed to the limit and stretched to the max! So maintain a level of respect and don’t let others use you. If you respect yourself (and your mental health!) others will respect you too.
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Make sure that you set some boundaries, than stay with them! If you volunteer to bake cookies for your daughters school party, make it clear that you are only bringing what you offered to bring and if you stay and help clean up, don’t let anyone make you stay past 2:30 if that’s the time you said you would need to go.
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Of course, it’s not good to be a pushover, but some people can be so manipulative and pushy that you just can’t find a way out. Be firm but kind and offer a compromise that the two of you can agree on. If you stand your ground, the other person will realize that they either have to take it or leave it. My advice would be to smile so that you don’t seem harsh.
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Are you related? Do you work together? Is it someone to whom you owe a favor? If you can’t find a legitimate reason WHY you should do it, it could be that the actual reason is that you are afraid no one will like you or because you have low self-esteem and are trying to make up for it. Make sure this is someone you really want to help and that it’s for the right reasons.
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After you’ve said no to something, don’t allow feelings of guilt to set in. You made a decision, and honestly, who cares what others think about you? What matters most is what you think of yourself, and now that you know how to take charge and say no, you will feel highly pleased and satisfied with yourself!
I do want to point out that I see nothing wrong with volunteering your time and assistance to friends and family members. However, you can’t do it all the time. Set the stage for respect by learning what you can and can’t accomplish. If you display respect, you’ll earn more of it!
Top Photo Credit: bound_4_freedom
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