Everyone hates break ups, but they are made ten times worse if you are struggling to keep your past boyfriends in check! It seems I’ve always got a friend who hasn’t let go, can’t say no, is constantly getting back with her ex or is having some other ex catastrophe, so here are my top ten tips for dealing with your exes, so you can spend more time finding Mr. Right!
1. Staying Friends?
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Staying friends with your ex will only work if both of you have no feelings for each other. If either of you are secretly hoping for a reunion, or just have tiny niggling feelings left over, it’s destined to fail. Think about how you would feel if he suddenly got a gorgeous new girlfriend... if there are any feelings of uncertainty or jealousy, you are better off leaving him alone!
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So he’s just cut you out, or stopped answering the phone, or worse, stood you up. Getting over someone can be so much harder without closure, but sometimes you just have to accept that it’s something you aren’t likely to get. Go through the normal stages and once you are starting to feel more normal, make one last attempt to contact him. Make it clear that you are not interested in restarting the relationship, and simply want the honesty you deserve. Then, whether he responds or not, move on. You are worth so much more!
3. The New Girlfriend?
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Ouch, this one can be really hard to deal with, especially if you suspected you might be getting back together... the most important thing to remember is not to compare yourself to her. She isn’t better than you, simply different. There will be things you are better at, and things she is better at, and he will miss you. And if you need an extra boost? Just remember how jealous you get of exes...
4. The Ex Girlfriend
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So Mr. Almost Perfect is almost yours, but his ex is still in the scene... remember that he has chosen you, and if he had any interest in her, he wouldn’t have! The fact that they are friends is simply suggesting that they have both moved on, and are completely over each other. He should understand how this will make you feel though, so make sure he is supportive and don’t be afraid to tell him how you feel.
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It can be a nightmare having any of his exes hanging around in the background, but when they suddenly want to be friends with you? While you can be confident that she has no feelings for him, or she wouldn’t want to be anywhere near you, having a constant reminder of his past isn’t ideal, and chances are you don’t want to discuss his bedroom habits with her. Besides, how do you trust her? How do you know if she's being genuine or is just a disguised frenemy?Simply be polite but busy and she’ll soon get the hint.
6. He Wants You Back...
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So he’s realized exactly what he let go, and has decided that he wants you back. This is difficult, because he’ll take any small sign to mean that you want him too, so you really have to be firm to be kind. Cut off all contact, and let him get over you. He’ll thank you one day!
7. Facebook Friends
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Delete him! Seriously. You’ll see exactly what he's up to and his pictures and who is that putting kisses all over his wall?! Facebook stalking seems so much more acceptable then actual stalking, but the results are just as horrible. Delete him, and you’ll find moving on and dealing with the breakup much easier.
8. His Facebook
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Who is that tagging him, or writing on his wall? Six new messages, who from? And who dared to send him a love heart hay bale?! Old flames on Facebook can cause huge problems, and if he is over them, he probably won’t be too keen on deleting them. Vent to a friend, and try to keep your Facebook checking to a minimum. That way, if it gets out of control, you can talk to him about it without him thinking you are just insecure.
9. Bed Buddies
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So you aren’t in love, but you are in bed... and while it might be tempting at 4 a.m. after a girls night out, and he was good at knowing what makes you tick... it won’t be so tempting when he has a new girlfriend, and you start to feel the rejection all over again. Keep your dignity, understand it's just sex and move on, he is so not worth it!
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When you share the same social circle, break ups become even harder. Your friends probably won’t be keen on picking sides, but chances are you don’t feel like going on the pull with him... Avoid big group events while you are still hurting, but make up for it by arranging girls nights in, and small groups for drinks. Your friends will understand, and appreciate you sparing them the awkwardness!
Even the most perfect man seems to drastically transform during a break up, but following these tips will ensure you remain dignified, and don’t hurt any more than you have to. Then just arrange some chick flicks, popcorn, chocolate, comfort food and wine, and you’ll soon be over Mr. Wrong and hot on the trail of Mr Right! Have you got a tip for dealing with an ex problem? Please let me know!
Top Photo Credit: Mattjr -photo