You can hear so many horror stories from both men and women about their relationships with their in-laws. I'm not just talking about mother- and father-in-law relationships, either. Sometimes people can't get along with their brothers-in-law or sisters-in-law either. It doesn't have to be hectic and stressful though. You can have a good relationship, even if you have to work at it. Maybe these 8 tips on making peace with your in-laws can help!
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Work Together
You and your partner really have to work together. It's not fair to put your partner in a situation where he or she feels the need to make a choice between you and his or her family. It wouldn't be fair for you to be in that situation either. Even if your in-laws really get on your nerves, remember that as long as you're with your partner, you're with them, too.
Both of you must approach conflicts as a team and strive for solutions that respect everyone's feelings. Keeping open lines of communication with each other will foster understanding and allow both of you to express concerns or discomforts about family dynamics without fear of judgment. Compromise and mutual respect are vital – it's about finding balance and establishing boundaries that both families can accept. Remember, the goal is to strengthen family ties, not strain your own relationship.
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Create Boundaries
The key to any relationship is the setting of boundaries and the creation of limits. With your in-laws, you need to set boundaries in terms of dealing with your children, if any; with the subject of money; with anything that you know makes you feel uncomfortable. You don't have to get all up in their face about these topics, though. A calm and reasonable discussion will go a lot farther than any mad confrontations.
It's essential to communicate clearly and assertively about the areas you expect privacy or independence, whether it concerns household decisions or parenting styles. Remember, your in-laws might have good intentions, but they need to understand where the line is drawn. Initiate this dialogue early on to avoid misunderstandings later. Above all, ensure consensus with your partner first to present a united front and facilitate a smoother process in drawing these important life guidelines.
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Make Good on Promises
If you make a promise, you have to try to keep it. Now, this is just an example, because I never minded this. But, when we still lived in Michigan, where my in-laws to-be still live, I knew going into the relationship that the Better Half had dinner with the folks every Sunday. Was I okay with that? Absolutely! Did I always want to go? Not necessarily – so when I didn't feel up to it, I didn't go, but I also didn't pitch a fit and keep the BH from going.
Keeping promises extends to small commitments as well, like agreeing to help with holiday preparations or attending family events. It's these little acts of reliability that build trust over time. And if there comes a time when keeping a promise is genuinely not feasible, communicate openly and as early as possible. Honesty paired with sincere apologies shows respect for the relationship you've built with your in-laws and can go a long way in maintaining harmony. Remember, consistency in your actions demonstrates integrity, something that's highly valued in family dynamics.
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Communicate
Communication is so important. Better still, you need to do it directly. What that means is, don't as your partner to pass messages onto his or her mother, or to tell his or her brother's wife that you have an issue with something she's done. Do it yourself, face to face. It's easy for misunderstandings to take place when you try to play a game of Telephone like that, and the resulting messages can make a bad situation even worse.
Confronting matters head-on fosters a transparent and sincere relationship with your in-laws. If you're anxious about a face-to-face chat, prepare your thoughts in advance. Express your feelings politely, using "I" statements, to convey your perspective without casting blame. For example, say, "I feel hurt when..." instead of "You always..." This approach shows respect for their feelings while addressing yours. Effective dialogue can clear the air, and quite possibly, you'll find that your in-laws appreciate your candor and willingness to work towards a harmonious family life.
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Know Who You Are
You don't need to make yourself into the perfect daughter-in-law. You don't need to try to be Super DIL. Don't try to be something you're not just because you think it will please your in-laws. Even if they make no bones about excepting you to be someone you're not, you do not have to do that. Whether you want to be a stay-at-home mom and homemaker or the CEO of your company, that's cool. Remember, your partner loves you the way you are; the in-laws will learn to accept it, too.
Embracing your authentic self is essential in building a genuine relationship with your in-laws. Trying to fit into a mold they set for you will only lead to discomfort and potential resentment. It's important to set boundaries and communicate your values and choices respectfully. If baking cookies isn't your thing, don't force it—perhaps sharing your love for hiking or books could be a fresh way to bond. Mutual respect is key; it's about finding common ground while still honoring your individuality. After all, honest connections are built on authenticity, not on a facade of perfection.
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Men in general judge more from appearances than from reality. All men have eyes, but few have the gift of penetration.
Make Compromises
Compromise is an important part of any relationship, but it's especially important where your in-laws are concerned. Sometimes you have to agree to disagree. Sometimes you have to do things that will make your partner and your in-laws happy. Sometimes they have to do things that will make you happy. Taking one of the team is never a bad thing, but by no means should the compromising always be one sided.
Compromise can look like attending family events that matter to them, even if it's not your ideal way to spend a Saturday evening, or perhaps it's about incorporating some of their traditions into your holidays. Remember, it's about finding the middle ground where both parties feel heard and respected. Express your own needs and boundaries clearly, but also be willing to listen and adjust. This doesn't mean sacrificing your own happiness; it's about fostering a harmonious environment. Ultimately, compromise builds bridges and strengthens the family bond.
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Stay Cool
Sometimes, you just have to let yourself cool off so you can stay calm. It's important to be as mature as possible when dealing with in-law issues, and completely losing your stuff is not going to help you to reach that level of maturity. If you have to take some time to cool down, go right ahead; it'll be better in the long run.
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Have a Sense of Humor
Remember, your in-laws are getting to know you too – even after years, they're still probably getting to know you. Sometimes awful or annoying things happen, but they're still funny. Just try to see that side of things; it will really help you with #7, too!
I am fortunate because I love my in-laws. Sometimes certain things bug me – but even my own parents bug me, so I take it with a grain of salt. How is your relationship with your in-laws?
Top Photo Credit: egg.
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