Ever had a friend you though was a keeper and they turned out to be a backstabber? I know I have! And as much as it hurts, and as much as I wanted to believe it was a total shock to me when it happened, the truth is there are almost always signs that something isn't right. While sometimes it could just be because you had a fight and there are hurt feelings, more often than not these signs are pointing towards the obvious — it's time to find a new BFF.
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She's Never Free to Hang out
Every time you try to make plans to get together with her or try to do something together she's "busy" or has other plans. While it's true that every person has a schedule to plan around, when it comes to your friends they should BE a part of your schedule. If your BFF can't seem to fit you in for an afternoon lunch or a Saturday shopping trip, you need to ask yourself why.
She Expects You to Change
The conversations that you have with her all seem to end the same - being your fault. Any issues that the two of you have between each other she blames on you saying that you need to work on your attitude. And when it comes to fashion or dieting or hairstyles she constantly ragging you about being more conservative or more careful or paying more attention. She always expects you to change but she never tries or wants to work on her own problems.
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She Puts No Effort into the Relationship
Can you remember the last time she called or texted you? What about the last email she sent? If you notice that the only contact you two seem to have anymore is the contact that you initiate, there's a problem. A relationship is between two people, and it's not up to only one of those people to keep it going. It takes 2 minutes to send out a little text to say hey how are you and if your friend doesn't have 2 minutes to spare for you, that's a bad sign.
Other People in Her Life Take Importance over You
My best friend since 7th grade got married last year. During the months leading up to her marriage I started to sense that I was no longer the top person in her life. While this is quite understandable and even acceptable to a point, it's NEVER okay to forget about your friends because you are getting married. I'm planning my own marriage to the man of my dreams in 4 months but I have made a conscious effort to stay in touch with and make my friends feel like they are still a part of my life.
Conversations with Her Are Awkward
If your friendship is starting to feel strained one thing you may notice is that you have fewer conversations. And those few conversations seem awkward. You can't find anything to say that won't start an argument or set her off, and she can't find anything to say that's kind or friendly, so you talk about the weather and the cold you have that you can't get rid of. Hmm. Now that's deep stuff right there.
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She Goes out of Her Way to Make You Look Inferior
Does it seem like everything you do, she tries to do bigger and better? Or everything you say she has to point out that you got one little detail wrong. If she's always going out of her way to look smarter or prettier than you, something is definitely up. Friends don't work against each other or cut each other down. They build each other up and make the other look good!
You Don't Agree on Anything Anymore
One of my good friends and I recently had a small disagreement over something. It was petty and childish and we squared it up, apologized and moved on with a stronger friendship to show for it. Disagreements are a natural, healthy part of a relationship. But when every conversation becomes a disagreement and you can't find anything in common anymore, there may be more under the surface than you realize.
She Throws All Your Gifts Away
I was great friends with a girl in my church when I was about 13 years old. We were inseparable! That is, until we were about 15 years old. I'm not really sure how it happened, but we grew apart. I noticed this and made an effort to get things right between us. I bought her several nice gifts that I knew she had been wanting and would love! She feigned excitement when she opened them and I was thrilled, but then later when I was at her house I noticed one of them in the trash. I later saw another one of our friends using another one of the gifts. When I asked her about it, she replied that the one in the trash had broken and the one I saw our other friend using was just being lent to her. I don't know if that's true or not, but if you notice your friend tossing your gifts out or giving them away, let it be a warning sign!
If any or all of these things are happening with your BFF, talk to her! And if you notice no improvement, well, it might be time to move on. Do you have any other ways to tell it's time to start looking for a new bestie? Please let me know...
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