So you’ve decided you want more commitment, whether you’d like to move in together, buy a pet or get engaged...all of these involve you both adding more to the relationship, and making more of a commitment to each other. And while women tend to be very in touch with these things, and realize what they want, men sometimes need a gentle nudge in the right direction. Here are my top tips on getting him to commit...
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Investing in wedding rings or a dogs bowl isn’t the way to get him to commit, and will probably scare him off. Instead, go for a more man-friendly approach. Have a conversation with him, over beer or a curry. Be subtle about your thoughts and what you want, and allow him time to understand and think him over. If you go in too strong, you risk scaring him off. Subtle and slow!
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If you make the issue hugely important, he’s likely to think he is in over his head. After six to twelve months together, it’s acceptable to gain some idea of whether you have a future, but it’s far too early to be sending out provisional wedding invites. Men aren’t huge on change, and might not have considered the future yet, so it’s all about letting them adjust and not making it a condition of your relationship.
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Be clever, and judge his reaction from topical conversation. For example, if you’d like to consider moving in together, mention wanting to move out of your house. Tell him that a male friend of yours has room, and consider his response. See if he thinks living together would be fun, or very scary, and take your cues carefully. If he’s ready, you’ll make an effortless slide into living together, if he’s not, you won’t risk your happiness.
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Many men will see a fluffy puppy as a substitute baby, and this could make him feel threatened...a child would be a massive commitment, and even married men can struggle with this. It signifies an end of freedom, and a huge responsibility...consider anything you want from his point of view, so you can be armed with information and knowledge.
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If you can’t work out whether you are in it for the long term, talk to him about booking a holiday. Not for in a few months, though...pick a more luxurious, expensive location, and book it for in a year or two. See how he feels. If he will allow you to put a deposit down, then he is planning on being there long term. If he won’t, he could have doubts about the lifeline of the relationship.
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Talk to him about your ambitions or dreams for the foreseeable future. See if he talks about buying a house together, having children or weddings. Most people will consider these things at some point, and if he is willing to share his thoughts with you or talk to you about possible future locations, he is probably in it for the long term. This will make it much easier to bring things that you want into line with his dreams...
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Talk to each other about what you want, and if doesn’t want the same thing, be considerate of what he wants too. If he isn’t ready to get married right now but would like too in the future, you don’t need to throw the relationship away, just be considerate and give him time. Don’t pressurize him. The same for children, pets, houses... remember that you have a great relationship to want any of these things, so don’t ruin it hunting for them.
Some men are born commitment phobes, and just won’t ever settle down. Many do want too, though, but there is truth in their loss of freedom. Once you are in a long term, committed relationship, be glad that you have gone that far, and talk about the rest together. His timelines might not match yours, but if he’s perfect for you in every other way, he’ll be worth waiting for. Have you got a tip or a story on getting him to commit? Please share it with me!
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