Okay, I have a confession to make: I can be judgmental. I’m the first to admit it. I also love the snark. One of my favorite things to do is watch movies and television shows featuring actresses who drive me crazy for a variety of reasons (forewarning: not all of them are logical), just so I can snark about them. Here are some of the actresses who make me have ranting fits and small temper tantrums...
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My hatred of Maggie Gyllenhaal knows no bounds, but fortunately has a logical basis — at least, from my point of view! My problem with her is that she ruins so many movies! I tend to avoid her movies simply on the basis that I do not want to pay one thousand dollars for movie tickets and soda and popcorn and Nestle Crunch pieces to watch bad acting. Her one unforgivable sin? The Dark Knight. No, Maggie! No!
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My hatred for Kirsten Dunst is not quite as logical. It all dates back to Interview with a Vampire and the version of Little Women starring Susan Sarandon and Winona Ryder. In the first case, that is the one and only book by Anne Rice I have ever read, and while I did not like little Claudia, the written version was ten times better than tiny, tarty little Kirsten getting her flirt on with crazy Tom Cruise. In the second case, there’s tiny, tarty little Kirsten starring as tiny, tarty little Amy, flirting with Laurie when she’s basically a toddler. Yeah, I admit it: I get a hate on for actresses who play the movie versions of characters I hated in books. But my deal is that it’s been basically the same thing ever since: tiny, tarty Kirsten with her snarky kitten face and strange teeth, stealing boys from people who are prettier than her.
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I have one word for you here: pretentious. The thing is, I like a lot of the movies Gwyneth Paltrow has been in, like The Royal Tenenbaums and, though I hate to admit it, Shallow Hal. But the girl herself is just a little too pretentious for me — and you know what they say, right? An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure. Actually, Julia Roberts said that in Steel Magnolias, but still, it applies — especially to Gwyneth’s web site.
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My problem with Amy Adams is admittedly petty. She is too cutesy. Every time I see her, I feel like I haven’t had enough coffee. Every time she speaks, I feel like I’m getting a cavity. I once read that someone said she’s going to be the next Meryl Streep, who is my goddess on high, and I find this hard to believe because Meryl Streep does not continually play the same nauseatingly perky role. I mean, Amy Adams even managed to be perky when she was worrying that a priest was behaving in an untoward manner with a child! Still, I have watched Julie & Julia approximately 691 times (and still feel ungraciously glad when a tearful Julie simpers that Julia hates her; I am a bad person).
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This girl never closes her mouth. I don’t mean she talks a lot, I mean she never presses her lips together so that her mouth will stop hanging open and disclosing her teeth in a clearly practiced, I-am-fabulous-but-bored expression. I saw the first Twilight movie a few times. Her mouth is open through the whole thing. Apparently Joan Jett has this issue as well, because in every movie still and publicity shot for The Runaways, “K-Stew” as Joan has her mouth open. Talking about how creepy her fans are and how she hates being famous? Mouth hanging open. I bet she has stock in Carmex.
Photo Credit: Anne Hathaway
In general, I don’t like Anne Hathaway’s acting. It’s just not my cup of tea. That’s not really a problem though — we can avoid each other, we don’t hang out at the same places. What really caused her to drive me up a wall is her performance as the White Queen. A little too over the time, Anne, and I’m surprised, since you’ve spent half your career playing royalty. I just have to ask you: what was up with the hand gestures?
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Last but most certainly not least, Katherine Heigl drives me nuts by virtue of her attitude. I know you can’t believe everything you read, but when you see it again and again, the point is pretty well made. And I’m sorry, honey, but the Streisand attitude doesn’t really work when you’ve got movies like Bride of Chucky under your belt.
To my credit, I do realize that I have some enormously petty reasons for being driven batty by some of these ladies, but c’mon. There’s no accounting for taste, right? What actresses drive you up the wall? Can you give me a new perspective on some of these women?
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