Living Apart Together LAT Relationships


Living Apart Together LAT Relationships
Living Apart Together LAT Relationships

Depending on the person you're talking to, it can be awkward explainingthat you and the man in your life aren't married, but happily livingtogether.

But how about explaining to someone that you and the man in your life are happily married -- and living apart?

An increasing number of people in marriages, or in other committed,long-term relationships, are choosing to keep their own places ratherthan move in together. And these Living Apart Together (LAT) couplesclaim that their relationships are better because of it.

It makes some sense when you think about it. If familiarity breeds contempt, then having separate places to retreatto means that you're more likely to appreciate each other when you do get together.

Plus, no one person can meet all your needs, so unless you're raising children together, why do you need to live together?

Other possible advantages of an LAT relationship include:

*He still picks you up for a date
*Permanent "his" and "hers" bathrooms
*You get to live around your own stuff
*Different standards of cleanliness aren't a major issue
*Nobody has to give up a pet if the other person is allergic to it
*You have more opportunities for privacy and quality alone time
*You don't have to deal with each other in a bad mood, or when someone's sick
*If you're a single parent with children from a previous relationship, you sidestep the complications of blending a stepfamily

Some would say, if you choose to be in a two-home, long-termrelationship -- married or not -- you and your partner also are less likelyto break up than other couples who face the 24/7 daily grind of lifetogether. This way of doing a relationship reportedly makes it easier tokeep the passion, the friendship, and your good will towards each otheralive.

But I wonder about the whole LAT phenomenon.

For people who aren't so good at things like compromise, negotiation, and/or commitment, having their own space to retreat to during the rough times in a relationship could mean that they continue to be not so good at compromise, negotiation, and/or commitment!


What do you think of two-home, un-co-habitating, Living Apart Together (LAT) relationships?


And.......what are the best things, in your opinion, about Living Together Together (LTT) relationships?

Feedback Junction

Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

wow ive been married 30 years, can't imagine him living away, it is hard enough when he is on a business trip for a week. we just learned to deal with each others stuff, and ignore the things that bother us. We had 2 kids and raised them, and they were not easy kids to raise. In the end, he is the person I gossip with, bitch to, explain my crappy job to, and vice versa I know he isn't going to betray my confidence no matter what I say And we still go on a date at least once a week.. Isn't that what marriage is about?

I'm almost 45, never been married, nor lived with anyone. I'm not dating now, but when I next do, I'm definitely letting the guy know, up front, that I am a LAT girl. The idea of sharing my space - especially at this time in my life, when I'm pretty set in my ways - is suffocating. I've never been one of those women who craves that sort of daily closeness. But, I still want love in my life, absolutely! I feel LAT is the best solution for those who feel the way I do. Unfortunately, I do feel I'm an anomaly. Every time I've shared my vision with a guy, he's all like, "Well, how about cuddling, until you fall asleep?" (which I hate!), or "waking up together - every morning?" Ugh. Not for me. I'm not afraid of intimacy, or a mean, unfeeling person (quite the opposite, in fact): I just find it very hard to fall asleep next to someone, and I love my space, furniture, and way of life. LAT would be win-win. Now, if I could just find a guy who feels the same way, I'd be golden! :)

I've been married 19 years... The first 10 where very hard.. We were on the verge of divorce yearly.. Then a marriage counselor suggested LAT and we have been happily in live for the last 9. No more petty arguments or compromises.. Our dates and sex life is amazing... We talk and see each other often.. We have a teenager and a toddler neither that has been effected... My oldest likes that we don't fight... So some people no matter how much they live each other their life's can't seem to mesh... The day to day bitter pettiness turns to resent and piles up until most couples divorce... (Grow apart as they say) we have grown closer.. We are so glad we gave it one more shot :)

I am recently married but living apart from my husband. We are both very happy to have made this choice. We've been together for 4.5 years and never thought we'd get married - didn't feel the need, but we decided to try it and we are happy with our decision. We get a lot of confused looks but we get more positive responses than confusion. There are a few reasons we've decided to keep our own places: 1). He travels a lot for work and his house is in a rural area far from my work/dance classes - it is lonely, big, and not where I want to spend the majority of my time; 2). I prefer being close to town so I don't have to drive; 3). Our levels of housekeeping vary drastically, enough to have almost broken up the relationship in the past; 4). We like our own space. 5). He won't have animals in the house; I can't be without. 6). It keeps things fresher than if we had to be together all the time Why are we married? 1). We get along well; 2). We generally have the same interests; 3). We're supportive of each other's lifestyles and dreams; 4). After a life of free-wheeling and fancy free dating lives, we are happy in the 'security' of a committed relationship. 5). We're open about the fears we have about marriage and life-long committment! It works for us...and if it stops working for us, we will deal with it.

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