There are just some things that, unfortunately, dogs can’t do. We’ve all tried to teach our dogs the simple stuff; to sit, stay, shake. You know, all that boring stuff. This is a list of the stuff that you’ve always wanted your dog to do; practical things that would make them useful as much more than just boring pets.
8. To Stay until We Say Not to
It’s not that hard to teach a dog to stay…for a second. But, we all know that dogs have extremely short attention spans that won’t allow them to keep that position much longer than it takes from you to turn your head. Wouldn’t it be nice…
7. To Talk…literally
If dogs could literally talk, they truly would become man’s best friend. Imagine if you and your dog could go to the movies and then talk after. What if your dog could just say, “Hey, let me outside, I need to use the bathroom real quick.”? Your dog could just tell you that someone is in your driveway instead of going crazy for five minutes.
6. To Fetch the Groceries from the Store
If this were the case everyone would have dogs. No more boring fetch in the back yard with a stick. You could just give them a list and let them go. I would love to never have to go to Wal-Mart again.
5. To Not Bark…ever
This is the reason I can’t stand almost all dogs. They get on my nerves so bad with their constant barking at the slightest thing. If dogs could learn to just be quiet all the time like cats they would be so much easier pets to live with. There’s just no way for me to justify the way dogs go crazy when someone simply knocks on the door.
4. To Make a Sandwich
Wouldn’t it be nice to tell your dog to go get you a PB&J. One step up would be if he cut off the edges. This one might backfire in the way that dogs walk on their paws and I would prefer their paws stay off of my food. I’ll add the doggy latex gloves to this one and call it #4.
3. To Drive You Places
Butler’s are reserved for super wealthy super important people. Not anymore! If dogs could drive you places, no worries about texting and driving, no worries about far away parking spaces. That would be so nice…
2. To Mow the Yard
This is one of my least favorite things in the world. If dogs could mow I would have several. One to weed eat, one to actually mow, another to do the landscaping And, all it would cost would be some Kibbels N Bits, and maybe a nice pat on the head.
1. To Work and Pay Your Bills
This one is the best, and probably the most realistic on my list. Dogs can be self-sustaining, just as well as they can sustain you. Teach your dog to act, put him on television, or score a big role in some Lassie remake and you’re in business. This is way easier said than done, but if it weren’t having a pooch would be almost as nice as having a cat. Haha
Dog lovers out there have probably found yourself wondering at least a few of these things are one time or another. If anything were possible, what would you want out of your favorite dog?
Top Photo Credit: Anda74