Self esteem is vitally important for a fulfilling life, but the modern world seems to chip away at it daily, and it's surprisingly easy to wake up with none. I’ve been there, and it takes a long time to build it back up from nothing...I’ve been looking into thetop confidence killers, and how exactly we can stop them becoming a problem. Here’s what I discovered...
Photo Credit: Rebecca George
People automatically look at the areas they dislike when they look in the mirror. This starts to create a negative pattern, and eventually you’ll be unable to look at yourself. Cancel it out by looking at the parts you do like, and telling yourself why you look good andlove yourself for that. Everybody changes as they get older, but these changes are good...you’ll always have your amazing features, and other people will be jealous!
Focusing solely on what you may perceive as your 'flaws' when confronted with your reflection can perpetuate feelings of dissatisfaction. Instead, make a conscious effort to counteract this negativity. Start a positive affirmation routine every morning, where you compliment yourself. It's equally important to remember that beauty standards are not only unrealistic but they're also constantly changing. Embrace the uniqueness of your physique and celebrate the diversity of beauty in all its forms. By cultivating a loving and appreciative relationship with your own body, you lay the foundation for lasting self-confidence, regardless of external opinions or trends.
Photo Credit: Christine Lebrasseur
The unknown is scary, and it is typical to imagine everything going wrong, which can cause nervousness. Instead, visualize the event going well, and you enjoying yourself. Feel yourself sit up straight, pull your shoulders up andbe confident. Think about how you can prevent the worst case scenario and take steps towards this. This might not make you enjoy the event, but it’ll make it relatively pain free.
Photo Credit: André Elias
If your luck is bad enough to make you think that you've broken a mirror, you need to stop your sadness-spiral. Think of what isn’t going your way and list small, manageable steps to change it. Get out your photo albums, talk to friends, have tea at home with your parents. Do things that remind you of the good times, and work towards making these times good too.
Photo Credit: Ryan Brenizer
If you thought you had a future with someone and it’s taken away, it can be hard to take, and its very common to start blaming yourself and looking for faults. You need to realize that despite you believing they are perfection, the fault was with the other person. Initially, spend time with family and friends, and let them show you that you are loveable. Then, think about who you were before him andthe breakup. List thoughts, dreams and ambitions. Think about what he stopped you from doing, and what you couldn’t do as part of a couple. Do these things again. Take small steps towards finding yourself, and you’ll learn to like yourself too.
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People are strange things, and can put down other people for any number of reasons. Usually because of jealousy, it is next to never because of an actual fault with the other person and this is the part you need to remember. Ignoring what somebody has said and not thinking about it makes it less powerful, but of course this is very hard, so it’s much better to be assertive and not allow people to speak to you like that. Being assertive will cause you to become more confident, and prevent negative comments affecting this!
Photo Credit: Sator Arepo
If you are always looking for someone else in the mirror, you will never be happy. It’s taken me a long time to realize this, and I’m still not too good at it. Think about what makes you you, and celebrate it. What are people jealous of you for? Write a list of achievements, and add to it regularly. Note down the three best things you did today at the end of every day. Remind yourself why you are great.
Photo Credit: Kristina J.
Depressiondoes cause confidence issues, which is to be expected. If you have a counsellor, speak to them about how you feel. Follow the tips above for individual situations, and once a day do something that makes you happy. This can be incredibly hard to find, but its so worth it. I like baking cakes. I’ll make cakes even if I don’t want to eat, even if the house is empty or I should be working or tidying or sleeping. Making cakes makes me feel a little happier then normal, even on a very bad day. Find your happinesstrigger, and use it. You deserve the break!
Confidence is so vital, but it’s so easy to lose it. I’ve been trying out these tips, though, and sharing them with less-confident friends. They really work! You’ll soon be feeling much happier in yourself, and you’ll be much better equipped to handle life's emergencies. Have you got a tip for increasing confidence? Please let me know!
Top Photo Credit: *Tiny Dancer*