I strongly believe some things are just too big for the ol’ “let’s kiss and make up” strategy. Now, that probably makes me mean and very persistent at holding a grudge but that’s just the way it is. People are not very generous when it comes to paying respect so, if respect is what you want, you have to draw a line somewhere. So, here’s what I think you should not forgive and forget so easily…
1. A “backstab”
Once a backstabber - always a backstabber! Now, I know what you’re going to say, “If somebody makes a mistake, it’s only fair to forgive.” Well, in my book, this just doesn’t apply on backstabbers. I actually have a personal story to share but I’m afraid you’ve gotten pretty bored with my stories so I’m just going to pass on that one and tell you this – if one was mean enough and actually managed to let its selfish reasons rank higher than YOU, that will repeat in the future. And, next time, it might be much more in stake.
Some people steal for fun, some do it because they feel the need to and some are just plain rude, doing it, not because they are sick, obsessed or in need for money, but because they are greedy! So, if you let a person into your home and realize that visit has left you with something more than just a couple of hours of your time missing, don’t be shy to make it public. I knew this girl that used to “steal” all kinds of stuff from me – nice hairclips, accessories… she would just ask is she could borrow them for the evening and then completely “forget” to return the pieces she borrowed. Hell, she even had the guts show up wearing them afterwards! Well, it all had to come to an end at some point and, since I’m a pretty shy one, it took me quite a while to speak up. So, what was that final drop that made my fury run the glass over? She was eyeballing my new expensive eye shadow palette, asked if she could see it and then casually placed it in her bag when she thought I wasn’t looking! That really pissed me off and I just had to “remind” her that’s my makeup she’d just stuffed in her bag! Now, what you need to do is learn from my mistakes and bring these things up before they become serious.
3. Repeated Gossiping
Now, if you’ve caught a friend spreading rumors about you or revealing your secrets to others, it’s probably not the first and definitely not the only time that particular friend has neglected his sacred friendship duties. So, don’t fall for that “It was just that one time” crap. I’d definitely be more careful and dose all the future information I share with this friend.
The only people I would ever forget for hitting me are my brother and sister and that’s just because kind of normal for siblings to fight. Not really normal – normal but, you know what I mean… I kind of happens here and there. My bro, for example, can’t hit me now because we’re not kids anymore and he knows that, although I’m older and technically not a woman (sister is an androgynous being, like mom and grandma), he’s still the stronger one. My fiancé… well, he’s a sweet kind of guy, definitely not a violent one and if he ever turns to the other side and actually hits me, that’s just going to be the end of whatever we had going all these years. I would probably die alone and miserable knowing that I’ve let the only man I truly loved go but I would never regret doing so! Violence is not something you should forgive because it kind of gets worse over time and that’s not something you’d want for yourself and your kids.
Now, I’m not talking about the general meaning of rape here, I have a more subtle and equally gruesome act in mind. Did your husband, boyfriend or somebody else you know ever force you to have sex even if you don’t want to do it at the moment (or ever)? That’s not something you should forgive, forget and strike as “normal male behavior in times when they just can’t control their urges”! That’s disrespectful for you and that is a rape! It definitely isn’t the happiest conversation topic out there but, hey, being a woman isn’t all about pretty dresses and nice makeup, we all know that.
6. Repeated Lying and Cheating
You know how they say – Cheat me once, you’re an idiot, cheat me twice, I’m an idiot. I guess I could forgive cheating but only if it happened once and if a man that has cheated on me could be able to cough up a darn good explanation. Repeated cheating and lying is something I don’t think anybody should tolerate because it’s just plain disrespectful! Okay, we all make mistakes so maybe he just got drunk or whatever and bang, it just happened and he feels truly sorry for it. Past tense, it happened…once. But, if he constantly feels the need to cheat and form emotional relationships outside our emotional relationship, where’s the emotion in all that? And what kind of emotion are we talking about here? It sure ain’t love!
7. Holding on to Valuable Information
Well, this pretty much goes for all the liars and backstabbers but I just had to list it because I kind of have the feeling that I didn’t stress this enough. You see, some people hold on to info that might be of great value for you, not because they can benefit from it, but because they don’t want to or can’t stand to see YOU benefiting from that. Those people might be the ones you’ve actually considered good friends and it certainly is disappointing to realize that a friend is the one that doesn’t want to see you happy and successful. Now, shouldn’t a real friend be the first one to inform you of the possibility to make your life even better? Shouldn’t a real friend be the first one to celebrate and congratulate you for doing a great job? Shouldn’t a real friend be the one to offer a helping hand rather than dig holes for you to fall into? Of course! So, what did this backstabbing, treacherous individual do to deserve your forgiveness and the right to call itself a friend and enjoy all the benefits of your friendship?
Would you forgive these things? Would it be all of them or just some? Do you have some other thoughts on this topic? Like, is there something you have forgiven some time ago only to realize that was a bad decision after all? Is there something you actually wish you had forgiven back in time when it was one of the options?
Top Photo Credit: tinney