People try to avoid grief when they can, because no one likes to be sad. The stages of grief – denial; anger; bargaining; depression; and acceptance – are so hard to get through, and trying to rush or avoid the process will ultimately make things worse. Besides, sometimes grief is a good thing, a healthy thing. It may be hard to deal with, but perhaps understanding the reasons grief is good will help you significantly.
One of the most important reasons grief is good is because it allows you to ultimately let go. If you don't grieve, you may never let go of what hurts. The feelings will fester and hurt, but they will never quite go away. When you grieve, however, you are able to begin letting go of that pain, so that only the good memories will remain.
Grief also provides a much needed release. It won't come right away, but by allowing yourself to grieve in the first place, you encourage that eventual release. If you hold onto your grief and don't allow it to release you, then in a way, your feelings will be stagnant. They will freeze in one place, numbing you to everything, not just the pain.
Closure is incredibly important when you are grieving, whether it is because of a failed relationship or the loss of someone you love. Without closure, you can never really get over the past, let alone make peace with it. If you don't fully allow yourself to grieve, then the past will stay with you. Once you do allow it, however, you can move much more easily into the future.
When a tragedy happens, it is often confusion. You try and try to find sense in what is senseless, and when you can't, you can feel helpless, angry, and overwhelmed. This is another reason grief is good, because it helps you to avoid confusion. You don't need to make sense of what is happening; there will never be a good enough reason for this kind of pain. You don't need to understand it right now; let yourself grieve first, and things will be clearer.
A lot of people say that sleep heals, and time as well. Both of those things are true, but nothing heals quite like grief. Even though you are sad and wracked with pain, grieving heals you by helping you to release your hold on a painful past. You have to get the hurt and the anger out before you can move on, and grieving in a healthy manner is the best way to do that.
One of the many reasons grief is good is because it is also a teacher. Grief can help you learn about yourself like nothing else can. For instance, you can see firsthand how you really react to changes, even when they are bad or undesirable. By learning about that, you will be better able to cope with future changes, no matter what they bring with them. Pain and grieving help you to evolve. You may not want to because of what you are feeling, but later you will realize that, though bittersweet, it is a good thing.
In times of heartache and trouble, we as humans actively seek connections to other people. Grief can help you make those connections, because people are naturally drawn together when they grieve. As a result, you are given a support system, you can connect with people who feel the same way you do. This creates the best coping aids you can imagine.
Last but most certainly not least, grief ultimately allows you to accept. Not only do you accept your grief itself, but you also learn to accept the things you cannot change. You feel the way you feel, and you will soon accept that. You also learn to accept the fact that you can't change some things, you simply have to meet them head on and face them with all your strength.
There are many, many reasons grief is good. You need it, you need to go through the grieving process, in order to move on with your life and greet the future. Do you have any recommendations for handling tragedies and heartbreaks?
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