I love the internet. I don't feel right when I'm away from my PC or my laptop, and I check my email on my phone a thousand times a day when I have to be unhooked from my cable. I make my living online, I find my entertainment online, and I talk to my friends and family online. I love it. I think it's great. But even still … there are some things I just don't get about the internet, and here are the 8 big ones.
Tumblr is fun to look at, but I don't understand it at all. I can't even fathom making one because I can't figure out how it works. I'm not sure if I'm too old, or if I'm just intimidated by all the pictures and videos and reblogging and everything. And I won't even contemplate getting one of my own until I can come up with a cool layout, an awesome username … and until I can figure out exactly how everything works before I make my first post.
I know that one of the greatest things about the internet is that you can be anyone. Like I've said before, although I keep myself pretty public, my personality is more online than it is off, i.e. I would not talk half the smack I talk on the real, unless I'm sure I could outrun whomever I'm smack talking. I know, too, that sometimes anonymity is necessary, and that's completely cool. What I hate is people who hide behind the smokescreen, talking smack and making judgments without ever revealing themselves. It's been around since Bill Gates or whomever said “Let their be Internet,” though, and it's probably not going anywhere.
I see this mostly on Facebook, but it's probably elsewhere as well. In theory I understand it. In practice, I just find it unnecessary and slightly weird. I mean, letting all and sundry see where you're checking in is just inviting some creepy stalker. Case in point, my buddy Leroy always has tons of clingy girls after him, and he checks in everywhere. Then they follow.
4. Opinion Wars
It seems like no one on the internet has ever heard that adage about opinions, where they're compared to certain exit doors in our anatomy. I love debates. I respect the fact that every person has an opinion, and that if it's different from mine, that doesn't make it wrong or right, just different. Yet, again since the beginning of Internet Time, you see people putting others down for their opinions, straight up telling them that they are wrong or stupid or ugly or fat (?) because they think differently.
Which brings me to insults. How are you going to insult someone you don't know? Having so many social media sites now makes it easier – and typically it will be some anonymous someone who decides to insult you without coming correct with a real name. To me, those insults don't count anyway.
6. Ad Ambushes
Why are there ads everywhere? Well, becomes someone somewhere wants to sell something, yet. But I still don't get why I have to click on a random page, and suddenly my speakers blow out because there's suddenly a totally unrelated commercial playing, interrupting whatever music I'm jamming out to. Stoppit.
7. Chain Posts
I don't get these through email anymore, thankfully. Instead, I get to see them on Facebook posts – and comments. People going onto random pages, leaving the equivalent of chain mails. Honey, I don't care how many pages you post this to, your crush still isn't going to reveal himself to you. In fact, you probably don't have one.
How can you be internet famous? What? Why do people aspire to this? I hate to say it, but the odds of becoming another Justin Bieber phenom are slim to none. I don't even hear about Chris Crocker anymore. Then again, the Numa Numa Guy is still alive – at least, he is in my heart. And my bookmarks.
I don't getting Tweeting either, but that's another rant altogether. And just because I don't get these things about the internet doesn't mean that I'll ever stop using it. What about the internet drives you batty, though?
Top Photo Credit: WWVN