You don’t have to be in junior high or high school to be burned, back-stabbed, or annoyed by a bad friend. It’s sad, but true — bad friends can drain your time, energy, and even your bank account. Who are these bad friends, and how do you spot them? Or, more importantly, how do you get rid of them? Here’s my list of the seven bad friends, and how to dump them…
Photo Credit: k-ko
She acts like your friend, but is she really? When she pays you a compliment, there’s always a sting along with it, like “You look great, for someone your size” or “You’re the only one I know who could pull off those ugly shoes with that dress!” If your friend makes you feel bad most of the time, and you know she’s nearly as nice behind your back as she is to your face (which isn’t very nice to start with), then she is probably the dreaded back-stabbing, mean-spirited Frenemy. How do you get rid of her? Stop calling her. Stop taking her calls. Delete her from Facebook, and ignore her pointed questions about why she’s no longer invited to your parties or girls nights out. She already knows why.
When a frenemy subtly undermines your confidence with those half-hearted compliments or passive-aggressive comments, it's a clear red flag. You don't need that negativity disguised as friendship. It's essential to put your well-being first and confront the issue head-on if you feel comfortable doing so. Otherwise, gradually distancing yourself is a healthy option. Surround yourself with genuine friends who uplift you and bring positivity into your life. Your social circle should be a source of support, not stress. Trust your instincts; if someone consistently makes you feel undervalued, it’s time to move on.
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There are times when all of us are a little out of pocket, or when we forget our wallet or debit card. That’s when the good friend we’re out to lunch with, or are shopping with, will come to the rescue. Those of us who aren’t bad friends won’t take advantage, and will always pay back our debt as soon as possible, without having to be asked, and without excuses. If you have a friend that’s constantly asking for a small loan, conveniently forgets it’s her turn to buy the next round of drinks, or shows up to pot-luck parties without a dish to share, then she’s probably a Mooch. This bad friend can drain your pocketbook and your patience. The best way to handle a Mooch is to stop giving her cash, stop paying for her lunch, and stop inviting her to pot-lucks! If she still doesn’t take the hint, then you may have to cut her out of your life entirely.
In dealing with a Mooch, assertiveness is key. Kindly remind them about their unpaid dues and the importance of reciprocation. If they dodge their financial obligations, firmly explain that you can no longer cover for them. It’s essential to set boundaries to prevent misuse of your generosity. If they value your friendship, they'll understand and make amends. However, if they react negatively or continue mooching, it’s a sign to reconsider the relationship. True friends respect each other’s resources and willingly contribute their fair share.
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Do you have a friend that’s always complaining, always sick, always tired, always sad? Can she never see the positive in anything? When she calls, do you automatically send her to voicemail because you just don’t want to hear the negativity anymore? Chances are, this friend is a Negative Nelly, and who has room if their life for more negativity? You can be subtle, by combating her negativity with the silver lining, but if that doesn’t work, you may have to tell her to take her gloom and doom somewhere else.
It's draining to be around someone who only focuses on the dark clouds, not the silver linings. With a Negative Nelly, your energy levels can plummet, and your mood can follow. It’s essential for your own well-being to set boundaries. Suggest meeting in uplifting environments or during activities that naturally inspire positivity. If the negativity persists, be honest about how it affects you. Sometimes, a straightforward conversation can be a wake-up call for your friend to seek the help they might need or to reassess their outlook on life.
Photo Credit: Il malmostoso (...acid vampire)
Drama is great on TV and in the movies, but do you really need it in your everyday life? Is it really that dramatic? No, it’s not. But this friend is always playing up the drama, and must be the center of attention. She’s the only person you know who can make someone else’s funeral be about HER. Every story she tells is overly dramatic and she’s just so exhausting! This is the Drama Queen, and the best way to get her to stop is to stop paying attention. If she’s a good friend otherwise, this may be enough. If she just won’t take the hint, then you may have to stop listening altogether, but cutting her out.
Photo Credit: Talia Sara
I sometimes fear that this bad friend might be ME. I have a hard time giving up control, and I strive for perfection. When I’m not able to be as perfect as I’d like, I’m inclined to throw a tantrum. I’m not spoiled, I’m something of a perfectionist, and I’m my own worst critic. If you have a friend like me, then I know we can be stubborn, and it’s hard to give us compliments. Be patient with us! If we’re harder on ourselves than anyone else, then keep us as friends. If we expect perfection from everyone around us, including you, then it may be time to let us go.
The perfectionist might not see their flaws because they're too focused on everyone else's. They're often the ones with impossible standards, and they can unintentionally make you feel like you're never quite good enough. It's vital to remember that it's not your job to meet their unrealistic expectations. Encouragement and support are what friendships should be built on, not relentless critique. If this perfectionism is spilling over into your life and causing distress, it might be time to gently but firmly reroute the boundaries. True friends will understand and respect that everyone is perfectly imperfect.
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She drinks too much, she smokes too much, she sleeps around, she skips school, she sneaks out, she lies or cheats or steals. These things themselves don’t make a bad friend, but if she tries to pressure you into doing the same, she might be a Bad Influence. If you find yourself caving in to join her wicked little schemes, then you may have to abandon her to her own devices. If she only gets you into minor, harmless trouble, then she might actually be fun!
Photo Credit: Toni Blay
Those shoes look awfully familiar, and isn’t that the guy that your mutual friend Amy dumped two weeks ago? This bad friend is the Thief, and she wants whatever you, or her other friends, have. Whether it’s out of jealousy or spite, this friend can’t be happy unless she’s stolen a boyfriend, a nail polish, a haircut, or a handbag from someone she admires. Ditch her the same way you’d ditch the Frenemy — just cut her off and move on!
Hopefully, you don’t have any, or at least many, of these bad friends. Hopefully, you have dozens of good friends, like the Cheer Squad (always in your corner) and the Listener (always there for you). Which of these bad friends have you had? How have you dealt with them? Please let me know!
Top Photo Credit: k-ko