All Women's Talk

7 Reasons Bret Michaels Should Go Away ...

By Lyndsie

Are you guys aware that Bret Michaels has another train-wreck showing on VH1? I have a grudge against Poison that goes back fifteen years, to when I was 13, and that’s part of the reason I groan every time I see a preview. However, Bret himself is the main reason. There are a number of reasons I think he just needs to get off of my TV, but here are the top seven. Here are 7 reasons Bret Michaels should GO AWAY!

1 His Health

His HealthPhoto Credit: Ryan O.

Come on! He’s had, what? A heart attack, a hemorrhage, a stroke, a pimple, a boil, a paper cut, all within the last couple of years. Go home! Go to bed! Take care of yourself! Seriously, no matter how I feel about the guy’s television persona, I’m sure he’s a great person. Regardless of that, he’s got children. Being at home may be the premise of his new show, but it’s not the same. Kick out the cameras, Bret, and hang out with your daughters.

2 Rock of Love 1

Rock of Love 1Photo Credit: Hortensia V.

Yeah, I watched it. I loved that horror show, and I loved to hate most of the girls on there. Everyone knows VH1’s love shows are entirely fake, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t enjoyable -- in a way that makes you want to take a shower after. Still, there were kind of a lot of skanky girls on here, and it makes you wonder what else might have went wrong with poor Bret’s health.

3 Rock of Love 2

Rock of Love 2Photo Credit: jesh3dickies

Uh, really? No, honestly, I expected a sequel. I think everyone did. This one made me angry for one reason: Bret broke Daisy’s heart. Bad Bret! I love Daisy. My heart broke when I saw her poor over inflated lips quiver over him.

4 Rock of Love Bus

Rock of Love BusPhoto Credit: Charity D

Really?! He kissed a girl after she puked up tequila and ate Doritos! I’m sorry, I’d know that smell from a mile away. This was just an excuse to bang groupies on the road -- and he put it on television!

5 The Aftermath

The AftermathPhoto Credit: Rock e Anime

Like say, I knew all three shows were fake. You knew they were fake. Bret knew they were fake. Some of the girls didn’t know they were fake, but what can you do? However, to discover that, during all this time, he’s had a girlfriend of, what, like thirteen years, who witnessed all of this and still went back to him? Bret, you are kind of a man-ho, and I don’t know what home girl is thinking, but I’ll grant she must know a side of you no one else does.

6 The Legacy of Heather

The Legacy of HeatherPhoto Credit: Shutter 2 Think Photography

You know Heather. Stripper clothes, huge breasts, huge hair, huge mouth, huge personality, “Bret” tattoo on her neck. He unleashed this beast onto the world. I blame him for the fact that she, more than most of the other Rock of Love girls, thinks she really is an A-list celebrity. This wouldn’t be a problem except that she doesn’t do anything!

7 The Legacy of Megan Hauserman

The Legacy of Megan HausermanPhoto Credit: aerobarmiami

This girl is straight up crazy. I love her. I loved Megan Wants a Millionaire, as well -- and I cried when it got canceled because one of the contestants ended up being cray-cray and killing a woman. Because Megan came from Rock of Love, I blame Bret.

Somebody make me feel better. Somebody share with me. Somebody please tell me you watched this insane train-wreck too. Come on, what were your favorite moments? Why do you think Bret Michaels needs to retire?

Top Photo Credit: kern.rick

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