15 Flirting Rules: Be a Little Awkward, Make It Obvious, and Match Energy

The new rule: obvious beats smooth

Hinge’s research suggests most of us are less bad at flirting than we fear. The bigger problem is nerves. According to Hinge’s survey of Gen Z daters:

Hinge also found daters are 88% more likely to say the hard part is knowing whether flirting is welcome, not knowing how to flirt. We’ll get to that.

Licensed therapist Moe Ari Brown, Hinge’s love and connection expert, puts it best: “The other person will notice your bravery long before they notice your nerves.”

1. Get Caught Looking

Still a classic. When you see someone you like, glance their way a couple of times. When they catch you, hold their eye for a second, give a small real smile, then look away. It says “I’m interested” without a word.

Once you’re talking, eye contact does the same job. Just don’t stare. A friendly, warm look reads as interest; an unblinking one reads as a hostage situation.

2. Keep It Playful

Flirting is supposed to be fun. When Hinge asked Gen Z daters about the most attractive ways to flirt, the top answers were shared humor (42%), back-and-forth banter (38%) and making their interest clear (33%). Tease a little, laugh at yourself, and let the conversation be silly. A genuine smile beats a perfect line every time.

3. Be Specific, Not Just “You’re Hot”

Compliments still work, but generic ones fall flat. In Hinge’s survey, only 13% felt more interested in someone after a compliment about their looks alone, while 42% said a specific, playful comment made them more interested.

So skip “you’re cute” and go for something only they could hear: “Anyone who ranks breakfast burritos that seriously is worth listening to.” It shows you actually paid attention, which is the real compliment.

4. Notice, Build, Return

This is the conversation trick to remember. Hinge suggests three steps:

Hinge’s lead relationship scientist, Logan Ury, gives an app example: if someone’s profile claims they know the best shrimp tacos in town, tease them to prove it, then suggest a taco face-off to settle who’s champ. On a date, if they say they’re ultra-competitive at game night, joke that you were starting to like them but now you might be rivals, then ask when you’re putting it to the test.

It works in person too. Spot an interesting tattoo, a band tee or a book in their bag, ask the story behind it, react honestly, and toss them a question back.

5. Take an Interest in What They Love

If you already know a few things about them, lean in. Ask about the show they keep quoting or the team they won’t shut up about, and actually listen to the answer. You don’t have to fake a passion; curiosity is attractive on its own.

6. Challenge Them

A little friendly competition is flirting with a scoreboard. Challenge them to pool, a trivia round or a “best taco” debate. Play to win, too. Being a worthy rival is far more fun than letting someone win on purpose.

7. Mind Your Body Language

Uncrossed arms, facing them, leaning in slightly when they talk: these say “I’m open” before you say anything. Don’t overthink it. If you’re relaxed and enjoying yourself, your body usually shows it.

8. Touch Only When It’s Clearly Mutual

A light touch on the arm when they make you laugh can be lovely, but only once the interest is clearly two-way: they’re leaning in, keeping the conversation going and staying close. Start small, and if they pull back, go quiet or step away, stop. Respecting that signal is what makes you someone people feel safe flirting with.

9. Match Energy (and Bring Some to Match)

Hinge describes “matching energy” as someone meeting your enthusiasm and giving something back. It isn’t keeping score or copying their texting habits. You have to offer a little energy first: make the first joke, build on what they said, or be upfront about why you’re talking to them. Then see whether they meet you there.

10. Don’t Over-Text or Over-Edit

If you’ve swapped numbers, there’s no need to send a paragraph the second you part ways, or to call again and again when they don’t pick up. And stop polishing every message. Hinge found 84% of Gen Z daters rewrite flirty texts at least some of the time. The fun, slightly imperfect version is usually the better one. More common slip-ups are in our list of flirting mistakes we constantly make.

11. Be Your Slightly Awkward Self

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. One dater in Hinge’s research, Dan from the UK, said a bit of awkwardness makes him feel more connected: “we’re all human!” Another, Jack, said “being your true slightly awkward self is a lot more attractive as it shows the kind of person you are from the start.” Your quirks are part of the appeal.

12. Make a Clear Invite

The old version of this rule was about “giving a command.” The better version is simply being clear. If you’d like to see that new play together, say so: “I’ve been dying to see that new play. You should come with me.” It’s confident, it’s specific, and it makes your interest obvious, which is exactly what most daters say they want. Then give them room to say yes or no.

13. Dance With Them

At a party, a wedding or a bar with a decent playlist, asking someone to dance is a fun, low-stakes invitation. Good dancing optional, enthusiasm required.

14. Stop While It’s Still Fun

Leave on a high. When the conversation is still buzzing, say a warm, confident goodbye, ideally with a plan or their number. They’ll be looking forward to the next round.

15. Say the Brave Thing Anyway

Nerves don’t disappear just because you’ve read a list. Moe Ari Brown’s advice is to let yourself be present and take the step, “nerves and all.” According to Brown, the other person mostly registers that you stepped forward, and courage is attractive.

How to tell if it’s welcome

Flirting should feel like a back-and-forth, not a one-woman show. Good signs:

If replies stay short, they keep changing the subject or they stop engaging, ease off. That isn’t failure; it’s information. Not everyone you like will like you back, and a graceful exit makes the next flirt easier. Not sure where you stand? Check these signs you’re in a flirtationship.

Flirting on the apps vs in person

On the apps: open with something specific from their profile, then add a playful invite, like Ury’s shrimp-taco example. More ideas in our guide to better conversations on dating apps.

In person: a glance, a smile and one specific question go a long way. Try these ways to start a flirty conversation, and if you prefer to keep it low-key, these subtle ways to flirt with men and subtle but effective ways to flirt.

FAQ

How do you flirt if you’re awkward?

Lean into it and be clear. Notice something specific, build on it with a joke or a question, and give the other person something to answer. In Hinge’s survey of Gen Z daters, most said they prefer awkward-but-obvious interest to smooth but unclear flirting.

Is awkward flirting attractive?

For many people, yes. 65% of Gen Z daters in Hinge’s survey said they’d rather someone flirt a little awkwardly but make their interest obvious. A little awkwardness can read as genuine.

How do you know if flirting is welcome?

Watch whether they match your energy: asking questions back, building on your jokes and moving toward a plan. If replies stay short or they disengage, ease off.

Should you compliment someone’s looks when flirting?

You can, but specific beats generic. In Hinge’s survey, 42% said a specific, playful comment made them more interested, compared with 13% for a looks-only compliment.

What does “matching energy” mean in flirting?

It means meeting someone’s enthusiasm and giving something back, so the flirting goes both ways. It doesn’t mean keeping score; you still have to offer some energy first.