One of my favorite pastimes involves keeping an eye out for stupid warning labels. There is a surprising amount of them out there, because manufacturers seem to think that people cannot do or understand anything on their own. It's kind of like that old joke about concentrated orange juice. Anyway, on my quest, I found a lot of them, so here are a dozen of the dumbest warning labels ever.
1. "May Cause Drowsiness."
This gem is often seen on boxes belonging to sleeping pills. I don't know about you, but when I have to take a sleeping pill, my general hope is that it will make me drowsy. If it doesn't, I'm going to be pretty ticked off. But then again, I guess some people out there need to be told that they should not take this kind of medication when they're going to be doing anything that requires them to function.
2. "do Not Hold the Wrong End of a Chainsaw."
Really? Really? Granted, I am from West Virginia, and I have seen chainsaw mishaps before. However, that was okay when I was five and the people involved had been tipping moonshine pretty much all day. Still, I suppose that there are some people who still need this kind of warning so they can keep all of their fingers intact.
3. "Never Used a Lit Match or Open Flame to Check Fuel Level."
Again, I myself would think this would be pretty self evident but I guess not. Then again, I'm pretty protective of my eyebrows, so maybe it's just me. I don't think so though ... I mean, I'm pretty sure this is just that kind of thing that's ingrained in us from birth. What do you think?
4. "do Not Use While Sleeping."
This warning label pertains to a hair dryer. I would say that this is unquestionably one of the dumbest warning labels ever, except that I recently started watching this new show called "Strange Addictions," or something like that. Anyway, one of the women highlighted in the show actually sleeps with her hair dryer every single night. Of course, the warning label didn't do much good...
5. "Contents May Catch Fire."
Okay, this really is one of the dumbest warning labels ever, because it is seen on the gas bottle of a blowtorch. I don't know about you, but I always assume that anything that contains gas will probably catch on fire, especially if you do stupid things around it -- like play with matches. Then again, I was considered a bright star back in kindergarten.
6. "do Not Drive with Sun Shield in Place."
As you might expect, this warning label is for drivers who have sun shields in their windshields. Sun shields are very helpful, because they keep the sun out of your eyes, and that's great -- I hate having the sun in my eyes while I'm driving. However, I hate not being able to actually see where I'm driving even worse than that. Do people actually do this?
7. "This Product May Contain Eggs."
We live in a very health conscious world, so I understand the importance of making sure that people know when a product contains things like dairy, peanuts, and yes, eggs. What I don't understand is why it's necessary to say that a carton of eggs contains eggs -- because that is where you find this warning label. Always wondered what those oval shape things were and why they cracked so easily...
8. "Avoid Death."
I can't decide if this is one of the dumbest warning labels ever, or one of the smartest. You can find it on the small tractors manufactured by New Holland. I myself have not been on a tractor in a very long time, but I can kind of see how this is an important warning. Then again, I try to avoid death in all instances no matter what I'm doing, so maybe they're being a little bit prejudicial by just putting this label on tractors.
9. "the Vanishing Fabric Marker Should Not Be Used as a Writing Instrument for Signing Checks or Any Legal Documents."
This is unequivocally stupid, but it also made me laugh out loud -- literally. Obviously, this warning label is seen on the Vanishing Fabric Marker, which I assume is supposed to get rid of stains. I would never, ever try a write a check or anything like that with a fabric pain ... but it's kind of a cool idea.
10. "Not for Human Consumption."
You see this warning label on a lot of products. In this case, however, it is found on a bag of fox/bobcat ... urine powder. I would say that this is pretty self explanatory, except that I have seen Jeff Foxworthy's comedy specials, so I know that anything is possible with products like this. Still, the thought of eating it made me throw up in my mouth a little bit, and I don't even care if that's from 2009.
11. "This Product is Not Intended for Use as a Dental Drill."
AUGH! Oh my gosh, that is horrible. This label, naturally, belongs to a drill -- a tool drill. Actually, a rotary drill from Dremel. I have this horrible fear of dentists and their stupid drills, and I am now freaking out.
12. "Always Use This Product with Adult Supervision."
This too is a very important kind of warning label. We cannot let our children run willy nilly with things that could hurt them. However, in this case the warning label is seen on a bowl. That's right, a bowl -- a receptacle for cereal, soup, and ice cream. I'm sorry, but what kind of child is dumb enough to get hurt by a cereal bowl? Obviously, if they are young enough, they could drown in milk, but after a certain age, this is just sad.
There are a lot of stupid labels out there, but these are the dumbest warning labels ever, in my estimation. I'm totally keeping a list of these though, so help me out. What are some of the stupidest warning labels you've ever seen?