Every couple fights, but the key is to fighting right. I know that sounds like an oxymoron, but there are ways to fight right. In fact, you can even use some phrases that make a better fight. That also sounds a little confusing, but what I mean is that, during the course of an argument, there some things you can say that will make the discussion stay on course, so it doesn't veer off into the wrong direction and end up hurting you or your partner. Take a look!
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“I Feel Unappreciated.”
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Often, this is the key to a fight – one partner or the other doesn't feel appreciated, or feels at least like their views and opinions are unappreciated. This can cause the argument to blow out of proportion in no time at all. Simply taking the time to voice your feelings, however, can derail an argument and lead it into a calm discussion.
“I Want to Take Back What I Just Said.”
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Everyone is guilty of saying something they don't mean during an argument. I do it more times than I care to count. Sometimes, that can cause things to run out of control. However, if you're willing to sit back, replay what you just said, and rescind it, that can go a long way toward diffusing the situation.
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“I'm Overreacting about This.”
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Knowing when you are overreacting is important as well. I think everyone's guilty of this at least some of the time too. By pointing it out, you can help your partner realize what makes you overreact, and he or she can work on not pushing those buttons. Often, voicing how you feel will stop the fight in its tracks.
“I Didn't Think of It That Way.”
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This is one of the key phrases that makes a better fight. It is also incredibly important, because it lets your partner know that you are considering things from his or her perspective. So many people fail to do that in the heat of a fight, ultimately to their detriment. It's so vital for you to listen to each other; you have to consider your partner's point of view, and vice versa. Making it clear that you're trying to can make all the difference.
“We're Getting off Subject.”
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The Better Half and I do this all the time. We'll be fighting about one thing, and as our tempers build, so do our resentments, so before you know it, we're going off and laying blame for things that have nothing to do with the argument itself. Reigning that end can keep things from getting bad – and trust me, they can get bad if you're fighting over money issues and suddenly veer into something like, “Well, your mother hates me!”
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“Let's Talk Instead of Solving the Problem.”
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I've experienced this as well. Often, I just want to talk things out, while the BH wants to solve the problem and make it better. That's noble, it really is, but sometimes you just want to discuss. You want to get things off your chest, because you recognize that there may not be a viable solution. However, you also know that just discussing the way you feel will make you feel better. Remember, not everything needs to be solved right at that moment.
“We Need to Agree to Disagree.”
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You can't agree all the time. That goes against the laws of physics and relationships. However, realizing that you can't come to an agreement can help you stop trying. Sometimes, you just can't try anymore, because you two are just going to flat out disagree. Among all the phrases that make a better fight, this one is enormously important for that reason.
“This is Our Problem, Not Just Yours or Mine.”** **
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I bet you've experienced this: you or your partner are convinced you're the cause of the problem, when really it's both of you. As well, because you're in a relationship together, no one person is the culprit any longer. Making sure that you get that sentiment across can lead to a much better, healthier fight.
“I Love You.”
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And at other times, this is all you need to hear and say. It helps you put things in perspective, and makes it possible to realize what's most important. After all, love is the most important aspect of any relationship. Any other issues tend to pale in comparison, especially when they're small, nitpicking little things.
“I'm Sorry.”
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“I love you” and “I'm sorry” are no doubt the most important phrases that make a better fight. Knowing when to say “I'm sorry” is so important, but you also have to mean it. If you have problems saying “I'm sorry” – I'm guilty of that myself – then practice. Let your guard down, and apologize when you know you're wrong.
These crucial phrases that make a better fight can help with a lot of issues. Some things take more work, but in general, if you're both willing to listen and understand, you can get through anything. How do you fight or argue with your partner?
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