All Women's Talk

7 Ways to Take Initiative without Scaring Him off ...

By Lyndsie

In matters of love and relationships, a lot of things have changed. Naturally, it's totally acceptable for girls to go after guys, to ask them out, to take the lead – but that particular dance is ever changing, and you have to be careful of the steps. Not everything is equal, because so many guys out there seem to scare easily, or to get intimidated if a woman comes on too strong. It's no wonder that so many girls and women alike are still looking for ways to take initiative without scaring him off – and this post can help with that!

1 Flirt with Him

Flirting is still the most surefire way to take initiative without scaring him off, although you do have to be careful. You don't want to be over the top with your flirting under any circumstance, because typically, less is much more. You don't want to smother him in attention, but a few long looks, some well placed, curious questions, and even the occasional wink and smile will let him know you're interested.

2 Be Yourself

So many girls make the mistake of transforming themselves into someone they think their crush or boyfriend would like, which ultimately leads to a relationship founded on lies. That might sound melodramatic, but just think of how awful it would be to have to pretend to be someone else for such a long time. If a guy doesn't like you for who you are, he's not worth it anyway. The best way to take initiative is to be true to yourself, to be yourself, and attract him that way.

3 Be Outgoing

It can be hard to be outgoing, especially if you're shy. While a lot of guys out there like their ladies shy and retiring, being upbeat and outgoing is still a great way to take initiative without scaring him off. You don't have to be loud and you should avoid being obnoxious; you don't need to hog all the attention in every situation, either. Rather, when you're around the guy you like, just put yourself out there, join in the conversation, and again, let your true self shine through.

4 Avoid Clinging

Clinging will generally scare a guy away. For that matter, it scares girls away as well; I hate clingers, you know? If you don't want to scare him away, you have to avoid this at all cost. Show how strong and independent you are, and how well you're able to stand on your own.

5 One Step at a Time

A lot of the so-called “expert advice” says that one way to take the initiative is to let him control the pace of the relationship, but I don't agree with that. Unless that's your preference, even relationships in their infant stages should be a series of compromises between the two of you. However, it is a good idea to take things one step at a time. Don't start planning marriage – and worse, making it clear that you are – with your new crush. Don't force things to happen ahead of time, and make sure you know what his comfort levels are, too.

6 Short and Sweet

While you might be tempted to show your crush or boyfriend the notebook full of love poems you've written while pining away for him, don't. The best way to take initiative without scaring him off is to keep things short and sweet. You can absolutely let him know you've been interested in getting to know him, but don't show him that folder that has your name paired with his in new and interesting ways scrawled all over it.

7 Tell Him

Last, but most certainly not least, just tell the guy how you feel. Being honest is always the best, even if you're subtle about it. Remember, the worst he can say is no, and if he doesn't want to go out with you, then you're undoubtedly better off without him anyway.

There are lots of ways to take initiative without scaring him off, but some of them are specific and will be up to you. Every guy is different, and what seems scary to one might be perfect for another. What are your favorite ways to take the initiative with a new guy?

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