All Women's Talk

Are You the Kind of Woman Who Would Call email or Text a Man after the First Date?

By Annie

Isn't there a "rule" written in stone somewhere that a woman should wait for a man to make all the courting moves, including being the one to make contact after a first date?

Yeah. Whatever.

If you're the kind of woman who feels natural going after what she wants in a more direct way sometimes, here's a thought: how about being yourself and finding a man who'€™s comfortable with that?

There are men who don't get turned off cold by a woman who does her share of initiating, by the way. I'm married to one, and related to or best buddies with some others.

In fact, these guys have no problem when a woman takes the initiativeto call (email or text) with her positive reaction after the first date -- especially if they're attracted to her. Obviously. I mean, who likes getting a follow-up call from a first date person who failed to thrill?

Oh, and these guys are open to a woman making contact after the first date provided that she doesn't come across likea deranged stalker. What some women (and men...) don'€™t get is that certain waysof being enthusiastic with a new dating partner can come across as weird and crazy.

So, if you're gonna call (email or text) a man -- preferably within48 to 72 hours after a first date -- do it with a light touch and some dignity,okay?

Why 72 hours as the maximum? After 3 days, Insecurity and Crankiness tend to set in big-time when a man hasn't made contact. And I promise you, those negative vibes WILL come across when you try to make contact with him, no matter how perky or seductive you think you're being.

And please, if you are the one who tries to connect after the first date, and you get no response, or his response is non-committal and lukewarm, back off. You've done enough. Sometimes, the harsh reality is that you never get to find out why he wasn't as thrilled with the first date as you were.

At that point you hold on to your dignity and move on.


Just as there are also plenty of men who prefer to be The Pursuer, especially during the early stages of dating and mating, there are women who seem to have a strong natural preference to be The Pursued. I call that a potentially good match! And I have no problem with it, as long as the woman isn't bravely standing by some "rule" that doesn't seem natural to her.

When I was single I "mixed it up," initiating or waiting for the man to initiate, depending on the man, the situation, and the time in my life.

Sometimes, when a woman has a long history of initiating things in dating and relationships, andshe's been hurt by too many Mr. Wrongs, I encourage her to exercise her right to step back and allow apotentially nice Mr. Right to pursue her for a change.


Are you using your freedom to "mix it up"?

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