8 Beauty Regimens I Wish I Could Get Regularly ...

Since I finally stopped biting my fingernails, I've been obsessed with them. I mean, after going years and years during which I essentially had no nails, they're now like a fashion accessory! The problem is, I suck at shaping and painting them myself. Like, I am terrible at it. I would love to be able to get a manicure like once a week or something.

I've never had a pedicure in my whole life. I'm just as bad at shaping my toenails as I am at keeping my fingernails smoothly filed and perfectly shaped. And I am even worse at painting my toenails. I actually end up painting my entire toes. That is not a good look with summer sandals, you know?

I am so angry at my face right now. I take care of it, I pamper it, I spoil it, with moisturizers and acne cleansers and apricot scrubs, and the skin on my face is just completely ungrateful. It's gone crazy. It's got multiple personalities. I am not even kidding: the left side of my face is smooth, moisturized, soft, and altogether lovely. The right side, however, which is ironically my dominant side, is rough, it is currently breaking out, and even the hair on that side of my head tends to misbehave. I would love to be able to get regular facials to get a handle on that awful behavior. Sort of like putting my face in its own naughty corner.

Or threading, because I really think I'm going to try that soon. And I'm referring to my eyebrows, because I take care of … everything else … by myself. But anyway! I wish, a., that I could get my eyebrows done once a week, and b., I wish I could just keep my hands off the tweezers for that long. But my eyebrows are thick and dark, and little hairs start sprouting up before then, and I am always convinced other people can see them, so I pluck, pluck, pluck away – and therefore cannot go get waxed until it basically looks like I'm growing a second set of eyebrows.

My skin gets so dry and rough in the winter (especially on the right side!) that I would love to be able to do this regularly. I do what I can on my own, but there's something about professional exfoliation that just seems to work so much better for me. I guess I am not authoritative enough with my skin.

This would be so great, but I'll be totally honest. I don't have the patience to sit around in the stylist's chair waiting to get my hair colored, not on a regular basis. I'm not all that eager about spending that kind of money regularly either. That doesn't stop me from wishing I did have the patience for it – but as is, it's a once in a while, special occasion kind of thing.

I would also love to regularly get my hair styled professionally. Mainly because I have no patience for styling my own hair. Half the time I go out with it wet, and let it dry as it will. This actually ends up better than you might think! (My curly headed, straight-hair-envying Better Half hates me for this; it's marvelous!)

I love highlights and/or in my hair. Blond or copper or cherry red – whatever I'm in the mood for at the time. The problem is, of course, they fade, so you need to keep them updated pretty regularly if you want to keep them up. Again, I have neither the patience for that nor the urge to spend the money, but a girl can have hair dreams.

This isn't exactly a beauty regimen, but I think it still counts. I only have time for massages once in a blue moon, but I would love to get them more regularly. They really are soothing and relaxing, and when I'm stressed, all I want to do is lay face down and let someone else rub away all the tension.

In a perfect world, you know? In a perfect world. Half of these things, I'm generally content to either do myself or mess up myself, though, except for once-in-a-blue-moon occasions. What's your favorite way to pamper yourself?