9 Reasons I Loathe My Cell Phone ...

I used to know all of my friends’ and family’s phone numbers by heart, and now I only know my mother’s and my boyfriend’s numbers. That’s right, I don’t even know my own daughter’s phone number. That’s because I never have to dial numbers, or write them in a phone book. My cell phone does all of the dialing, and I miss my memory…

I fondly recall the days when clients would only call me on my office line, during normal business hours. Now, I’m available to clients, friends, family, and old high school nemeses at all hours of the day or night, and even on weekends and holidays. No-one ever seems to want to talk Monday through Friday, from 8 in the morning until 5 at night. They all want to talk on Sunday morning at 6, or on Thursday night at 11.

If I was annoyed a few years ago when people wouldn’t stop calling me, I’m even more irritated now what people never call me, and send me a flurry of text messages instead. In the time it took us to text back and forth, we could have actually spoken and resolved the issue. And, I admit, since I’m not the world’s fastest typist (especially with those teensy QWERTY keys), in the time it takes me to compose a reply to a text, the sender has already sent me two more messages… ahh!

Back in the olden days, when dinosaurs still roamed the earth and we used answering machines instead of voicemail, our home phone bills were maybe $40 a month, and that included the new-fangled three-way calling and call waiting. Of course, long distance calls were extra. But now, my cell phone bill is well into the triple digits. The cheap-skate in me finds something terribly wrong with spending $250 a month for a cell phone, though, I must admit, it’s for four of us on a family plan. Still! It seems expensive.

Think back to the last time you mis-placed your phone, then found it a minute later in your coat pocket or in the bottom of your handbag. Remember that sense of heart-pounding, reeling panic for the ten seconds you couldn’t find your phone? Yeah. I loathe that feeling, too.

On the rare day when I leave my phone at home or the battery quite before I’ve had a chance to re-charge, I feel helpless. Whatever shall I do without my cell phone? What if someone calls me, or texts me? What if I need to get in touch with someone? Whatever did we do BEFORE everyone had cell phones? Oh, right. We had to use pay phones, or — gasp! — wait until we got home to make or take phone calls.

Airports, grocery stores, even the church and library — is no place safe from the annoyances of loud, obnoxious cell phone talkers? No matter where you are, there’s bound to be some oblivious, bothersome fool chatting about her latest gynecological issue or a guy recapping his weekend of debauchery to a buddy. We, the people you’re not on the cell phone with, don’t care. In fact, it’s worse than that. We couldn’t care less, and by the way, sir, that was a lame weekend.

There are a lot of municipalities, including entire states, that have made it a ticket-able offense to talk on your cell phone while driving. What’s more, these municipalities rake in money from issuing these tickets to people who just couldn’t pull over to ask their spouses to bring home a gallon of milk, or wait til they got home to yell at their kids for not doing their homework. But it’s weird. Now that I have a cell phone, I feel almost strange not talking on it while I’m in the car (we don’t have a no-cell law here in Michigan). I feel lazy, like I ought to be taking care of some business while I’m driving somewhere. Like I’m wasting time just concentrating on the road.

We’ve all seen him, the self-important guy carrying his cell phone in a ridiculous hip holster, or the guy who chats into his Bluetooth while grocery shopping. These two guys and their cell phone unnecessary, silly accoutrements are one of the biggest reasons I loathe cell phones. Imagine, if we didn’t have cell phones, Holster Guy and Bluetooth Man wouldn’t need their holster or Bluetooth, this freeing us girls from having to roll our eyes and scorn them.

These are the main reasons I hate my cell phone, but my dear, I’m sure there are more! Do you love or loathe your phone? Are you devoted, or do you detest it? Please share!

Top Photo Credit: ℓisaa.