8 Signs You May Be a Hypochondriac ...

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When someone tells you that they have a certain condition, you have to outdo them. If they have a cold, you have flu. If they have had a minor operation, you were in surgery for ten hours. If they broke a bone, you were the $60 million dollar woman.

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You have diagnosed yourself with multiple illnesses, none of which you can actually spell. Why? Because you Googled your ‘symptoms’ and came up with any number of possibilities. You are probably more likely to worry yourself to death than to have any of these ailments, however.

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Every time you read an article about health, you worry that you may be doing harm to yourself. Are you eating too much or too little of a particular food? Are you doomed because you once sunbathed for five minutes? Is it bird flu, swine flu or crocodile flu that is going to get you?

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You are on first-name terms with your local pharmacist. They send you a Christmas card signed ‘Love from all the family’. Why? Because you spend more time in there asking for advice on your various (imagined) ailments than you do in your own house.

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Winter is a time of terror for you – all those bugs and germs just waiting to infect you. You panic when someone sneezes near you. One kitchen cupboard is devoted to vitamins and cold remedies, and you buy so many pills at the health food store that it takes ten minutes to swallow one of each every morning.

The best thing that can happen to you is meeting someone from the medical profession. Woe betide any doctor who sits next to you on a plane – they will be trapped for several hours while you regale them with your medical history and ask for advice on your multiple imaginary ailments.

You’ve read so many articles and websites on medical matters that you now consider yourself knowledgeable on every illness known to man (most of which you’ve thought you were suffering from at some point). If anyone mentions their health, you bombard them with unsolicited advice on what to do and how to treat it.

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Heard of ‘Man flu’? You are such a worrier that your family call you ‘Ebola woman’, because every time you sneeze, you convince yourself that it is the first sign of some dreadful illness. You have absolutely no sense of perspective and are convinced that your doctor has no idea what he’s talking about when he tells you that you’re fine, now go away!

Do you recognise yourself anywhere in this? When you walk through the doors of your local surgery, do the receptionists turn pale and insist that all the doctors have been called out on emergencies? Or do you know anyone who drives you mad worrying about their health?

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