7 Fashion Faux Pas at Christmas

Oh, you know these. Rudolph with a bright red nose. Lots of tulip paint, glitter, and sequins. Multicolored Nutcrackers. Santa Clause emblazoned larger than life. Christmas sweaters are awful. Even the decent ones are awful. You can only wear them during this one time of the year (I hope), so they generally smell faintly of moth balls and musty closets. They make even supermodels look awful. Everyone who wears one of these should get a lump of coal. I just … I have to go throw something away, be right back.

Yes, your ornament earrings are cute. But the blinking lights are going to make me have a conniption fit, I think. Ditto your Rudolph pin, your Grinch necklace, and your Santa bracelet. Why aren't your batteries dying? On the plus side, befriending a person who likes this kind of jewelry makes sure you will always be able to find your keys, even in the dregs of your purse. Because they have lights, you know?

Unless it's in a pretty plaid, I am not fond of a red and green color scheme in clothing. You see that so much this year, though. People look like walking, talking Christmas wrap. I know it's fun and gets you in the spirit, and that is totally awesome. I'm just saying that it puts me in the spirit to shield my eyes.

I don't know where this trend started but I wish it would go back where it came from. If the nails were shorter, the Christmas-y decorations on them would probably look pretty. But those long, long, vamp nails just make me feel like I'm in danger of being stabbed by a weapon that just happens to have a reindeer applique.

There's a lot of glitter going around this time of year. Again, that's cool. The only thing I don't like about it is that it ultimately ends up on me. And then it ends up on all of my clothes and it won't ever go away and I end up feeling like I got drunk the night before and did something with Tinkerbell that I totally don't remember.

I don't know where this trend came from either, but it needs to join the acrylics. For one thing, it's really cold, how can you stand that? For another thing, why does your dress look like a disco ball? Work it if you want to, but a., wear some tights and a coat, you're making me cold, and b., use that coat to cover up just a little bit of the sparkle. Please?

A string of tinsel is not a scarf, okay? This is acceptable for kids and the office Christmas party, and that is it. Otherwise, put it on your wall or your tree, because that is where it goes. This stuff is itchy anyway, why is it around your neck?

I really do love the holidays, but some things – clearly – get on my nerves. I'm not the only one, right? Isn't there some kind of Christmas clothing you just cannot stand?

Top Photo Credit: spaahklees