Paranoia will Destroy-ya.
Today is my annual review. The designated reviewers (or executioners I fear) are J-Boss and an old dude from the executive committee. J-Boss scares the crap out of me, and OD is busy walking through snow drifts uphill to and from the office every day and wondering why us younguns aren`t as disciplined as his crusty ass self.
I`m not feeling good about this. I think there is an inherent disconnect between what I want to give towards this job and what the job expects from me. Worse, I don`t seem to get "it", by which I mean, I don`t know what they want from me. It`s not intuitive for me. I`ve talked to a few peers and the responses I get tend to be blithe and opaque cliches: "Step up to the plate!", "Give it your all"; "Rise to the challenge".
I try my best to do a good job, and take initiative when I can, but I worry that my efforts are not construed as conforming to the "Step up to the plate" standard. And I don`t know how to fix it, or approach things differently.
Everybody cross your fingers and hope I don`t get canned. I have an impending mortgage payment. Sigh.